It's a short post ... sorry, I just haven't felt much like writing recently.
Christmas was good. My sister asked me to describe the day to her in 3 words; I believe I said, "fun, great, and lonely." It was SO wonderful to have my Mom with me. I'm still enjoying her company now. However, I'm used to a big family, lots of happiness, lots of nice, lots of hugs, lots of tradition, lotsa lotsa lotsa. I missed it this year. I took for granted the couple of times in the last few years that I spent Christmas Day with Dave's family -- I had lonely moments then as well, but it was still a larger adult group and we had a lot of fun. I really am working to not focus on the negative but I seem to use my blog to vent a lot. It was really amazing to have the boys on Christmas morning, it was a good time and they were loud and silly and excited. I'm glad that Lisa (Dave's ex-wife) was so kind to let us have them Christmas Eve and morning.
Anyways, I'll likely write more about all this sometime soon. It's midnight and Dave, Mom, and myself need to head off to bed.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Manic Monday #147
http://manicmondaymeme.blogspot.com/
If you were at a friend’s house for a holiday dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? If it's a friend, tell her / him. I wouldn't want them to be eating anything that might have come in contact with it either! I'd try to make her / him be at ease by trying to laugh it off. Here in Florida cockroaches happen sometimes, even when your house is spotless.
If you could put anyone you know on Prozac, who would you choose? Uhm. No one. Mental medication needs to be a personal choice and something worked out with your Doctor to be the right med and the right doseage. Now .. if I'm being sarcastic and silly .. I'd say my ex. hehe.
How do you feel about public displays of affection? Love it. As long as it's not overboard. Holding hands, peck kisses, sitting next to each other, etc. People who blantantly maul each other in public and make out like crazy, need to wait to get home or get a room!
If you were at a friend’s house for a holiday dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? If it's a friend, tell her / him. I wouldn't want them to be eating anything that might have come in contact with it either! I'd try to make her / him be at ease by trying to laugh it off. Here in Florida cockroaches happen sometimes, even when your house is spotless.
If you could put anyone you know on Prozac, who would you choose? Uhm. No one. Mental medication needs to be a personal choice and something worked out with your Doctor to be the right med and the right doseage. Now .. if I'm being sarcastic and silly .. I'd say my ex. hehe.
How do you feel about public displays of affection? Love it. As long as it's not overboard. Holding hands, peck kisses, sitting next to each other, etc. People who blantantly maul each other in public and make out like crazy, need to wait to get home or get a room!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Unconscious Mutterings #308
I found this through someone elses website, that I found through Sunday Stealing. I think I just need to write tonight and so it was another thing for me to do.
I say ... and you think ... ?
Hopefully the first thing that came to my mind didn't have to be just one word. I suppose I get to play how I decide to play here.
I say ... and you think ... ?
- Carpet :: rug burn
- Bottoms :: underwear
- Music :: hate
- Nails :: nine inch nails the band
- Watch it! :: don't fall through that plate glass window
- Your life :: sucks right now
- Candies :: hard candy, I don't like it
- Chafing :: bikini line
- Svelte :: no idea what this means
- Ding :: on the head with a 5 pound dumbell
Hopefully the first thing that came to my mind didn't have to be just one word. I suppose I get to play how I decide to play here.
Sunday Stealing Meme from the Screaming Masses
Who knows, maybe it'll bring some cheer.
1. What is a nickname a former (or present) lover gave you? Yummycheeks.
2. How do you style your hair? If you just would say "cut" what style is it? I don't really style my hair. I wash it, I brush it when it's dry. I've never been big on doing anything with it. It's a bit longer than shoulder length, parted on one side or the other depending on how I flip it.
3. What's your least favorite Christmas song? Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. It's an annoying song.
4. How many colors are you wearing now? 3 or 5, depending on if you count the different shades. 2 shades of blue, 2 shades of red, and silver. My t-shirt has a some crazy designs and says "Girls Against Boys".
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert? A mixture of both. It really depends on the time and the people I'm around.
6. What was the last book you read? Currently reading Book 10 in the Wheel of Time Series. Last one read was Book 9.
7. What's one piece of fiction that changed your life? Honestly, I'm not sure, I can't think of anything like that right now.
8. If you are attracted to someone who is already in a relationship (or married), what might do you do? Nothing, other than be their friend.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently? HA! .. a lot, see previous post.
10. What's your favorite dessert? Cheesecake, all kinds.
11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? About 30 seconds. I work from home, I roll out of bed and onto the computer. If I'm going somewhere, about 20-30 minutes.
12. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it? yahoo.com and gmail.com for my emails.
13. What was your last job before either you are at home or at another job?? Last job before my current was working for Pampered Chef as a Consultant. I've considered starting up again, I was just way to busy at the time.
14. Do you like to clean? In general, no. When I'm stressed or upset, it helps relax me.
15. What was the last song to get stuck in your head? A stupid Christmas song that I made up in my mind this morning, it was crazy.
16. What's the last movie you saw? In the theatre or at home? Theatre: Transporter 3. Home: Pineapple Express at my sisters house.
17. Pirates or Ninjas? Pirates (as Dave states) are way to over done right now, however, I do prefer them over ninjas.
18. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday? Take all my medication.
19. Best time of your life? It's hard to choose a time. Partially because I've been through so many rough things and partially because I'm feeling so negative right now. First thing I can think of, I was single for 2 years prior to meeting Dave and learned a lot about my own independence.
20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming year? Continued weight loss and the slight glimmer of hope that maybe.. just maybe.. we'll become financially stable again at some point in the year.
1. What is a nickname a former (or present) lover gave you? Yummycheeks.
2. How do you style your hair? If you just would say "cut" what style is it? I don't really style my hair. I wash it, I brush it when it's dry. I've never been big on doing anything with it. It's a bit longer than shoulder length, parted on one side or the other depending on how I flip it.
3. What's your least favorite Christmas song? Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. It's an annoying song.
4. How many colors are you wearing now? 3 or 5, depending on if you count the different shades. 2 shades of blue, 2 shades of red, and silver. My t-shirt has a some crazy designs and says "Girls Against Boys".
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert? A mixture of both. It really depends on the time and the people I'm around.
6. What was the last book you read? Currently reading Book 10 in the Wheel of Time Series. Last one read was Book 9.
7. What's one piece of fiction that changed your life? Honestly, I'm not sure, I can't think of anything like that right now.
8. If you are attracted to someone who is already in a relationship (or married), what might do you do? Nothing, other than be their friend.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently? HA! .. a lot, see previous post.
10. What's your favorite dessert? Cheesecake, all kinds.
11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? About 30 seconds. I work from home, I roll out of bed and onto the computer. If I'm going somewhere, about 20-30 minutes.
12. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it? yahoo.com and gmail.com for my emails.
13. What was your last job before either you are at home or at another job?? Last job before my current was working for Pampered Chef as a Consultant. I've considered starting up again, I was just way to busy at the time.
14. Do you like to clean? In general, no. When I'm stressed or upset, it helps relax me.
15. What was the last song to get stuck in your head? A stupid Christmas song that I made up in my mind this morning, it was crazy.
16. What's the last movie you saw? In the theatre or at home? Theatre: Transporter 3. Home: Pineapple Express at my sisters house.
17. Pirates or Ninjas? Pirates (as Dave states) are way to over done right now, however, I do prefer them over ninjas.
18. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday? Take all my medication.
19. Best time of your life? It's hard to choose a time. Partially because I've been through so many rough things and partially because I'm feeling so negative right now. First thing I can think of, I was single for 2 years prior to meeting Dave and learned a lot about my own independence.
20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming year? Continued weight loss and the slight glimmer of hope that maybe.. just maybe.. we'll become financially stable again at some point in the year.
Life - is it like this for everyone?
I really have to wonder, is life tough for everyone most of the time? Is there ever a point of contentment when there isn't stress of some sort every single day? I think I need to speak to some older people and ask. If this is the constant, I'm not sure how the majority of the population makes it to old age.
Sometimes I really hate myself when I whine, I know so many people have it harder. I know there are people homeless, people being abused, people permanently disabled, people living in a nursing home from a young age for the rest of their lives. What right do I have to bitch about my constant state of discontent.
I have good moments, I have good hours, I even occasionally have a full day that I make it through without negative thoughts. Overall though, stress and discontent seems to rule my life right now.
We moved here 4 months ago and yet I still having f'ing boxes all throughout the house. Against the wall in my livingroom, my diningroom, my spare bedroom, my closet, my bedroom; really, every room except the kitchen and the bathroom. I hate it, I hate living with clutter, yet I find no motivation to work on it when half the time if feels like only my motivation. Dave is a procrastinator (as am I at times), but worst of all I have to push and push and push to get help around the house if extra things need to be done. Tomorrow, yet again, will be one of those days. I've no doubt that we'll be angry at each other at some point.
Money, we have none. Literally in fact!!! Our accounts are completely overdrawn effective today and effective yesterday, both of our major credit cards are to the maximum limit. HOORAY! Financial hell! Dave gets his first paycheck tomorrow (hopefully - it's coming by mail) which will be for 1 week at his whoopin' $6 that 'fuck you very much' Sears pays him. I get paid on this upcoming Friday, but our rent is due the 1st of the month which will use up the entire check. We haven't paid our electric bill or car payment which are already late, and our credit cards, cell phone, and ring payment are all due by the 1st of the month! Oh yes, and we of course have child support that we need to make sure is there on time as well!
I currently want to give up, to crawl into a hole and disappear from life, to let go of everything and just not care. I'm SO tired of taking all of this on! I'm SO angry at the moment that we made this move to Florida! Right now, kids or no kids, I don't care, I want stability!
I hate this.
Sometimes I really hate myself when I whine, I know so many people have it harder. I know there are people homeless, people being abused, people permanently disabled, people living in a nursing home from a young age for the rest of their lives. What right do I have to bitch about my constant state of discontent.
I have good moments, I have good hours, I even occasionally have a full day that I make it through without negative thoughts. Overall though, stress and discontent seems to rule my life right now.
We moved here 4 months ago and yet I still having f'ing boxes all throughout the house. Against the wall in my livingroom, my diningroom, my spare bedroom, my closet, my bedroom; really, every room except the kitchen and the bathroom. I hate it, I hate living with clutter, yet I find no motivation to work on it when half the time if feels like only my motivation. Dave is a procrastinator (as am I at times), but worst of all I have to push and push and push to get help around the house if extra things need to be done. Tomorrow, yet again, will be one of those days. I've no doubt that we'll be angry at each other at some point.
Money, we have none. Literally in fact!!! Our accounts are completely overdrawn effective today and effective yesterday, both of our major credit cards are to the maximum limit. HOORAY! Financial hell! Dave gets his first paycheck tomorrow (hopefully - it's coming by mail) which will be for 1 week at his whoopin' $6 that 'fuck you very much' Sears pays him. I get paid on this upcoming Friday, but our rent is due the 1st of the month which will use up the entire check. We haven't paid our electric bill or car payment which are already late, and our credit cards, cell phone, and ring payment are all due by the 1st of the month! Oh yes, and we of course have child support that we need to make sure is there on time as well!
I currently want to give up, to crawl into a hole and disappear from life, to let go of everything and just not care. I'm SO tired of taking all of this on! I'm SO angry at the moment that we made this move to Florida! Right now, kids or no kids, I don't care, I want stability!
I hate this.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Friday Fill-Ins #103
I like this meme, it's fun because you can be serious in your answers, or let the creative juices flow and say outright silly things.
The direction for this meme was to fill in the correct lyrics, or make up ones of your own. I think I'm going to chose the later option, it goes with my mood.
1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, sleep baby sleep.
2. The first Noel, the angel did say, the world will at some point completely change the meaning of this day.
3. Sing, run, laugh and play, over the hills and everywhere.
4. It came upon the midnight clear, a spaceship! .. I swear!
5. Coronary Bypass Graft x3 and , Let your heart be light.
6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing over and over again until it drives them crazy and they ring you on the head with a steel pipe.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to rest, tomorrow my plans include relaxation and Rebel, and Sunday, I want to meet with the trainer that did so well with Rebel before. It's in the works!
The direction for this meme was to fill in the correct lyrics, or make up ones of your own. I think I'm going to chose the later option, it goes with my mood.
1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, sleep baby sleep.
2. The first Noel, the angel did say, the world will at some point completely change the meaning of this day.
3. Sing, run, laugh and play, over the hills and everywhere.
4. It came upon the midnight clear, a spaceship! .. I swear!
5. Coronary Bypass Graft x3 and , Let your heart be light.
6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing over and over again until it drives them crazy and they ring you on the head with a steel pipe.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to rest, tomorrow my plans include relaxation and Rebel, and Sunday, I want to meet with the trainer that did so well with Rebel before. It's in the works!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Oh "F" this.
What a day from hell. What a world full of hell - at least it sure seems like it at the moment. I'm listening to hate music and I'm going to write for a bit, that's part of what this blog is for, right?
-Dave is angry and depressed, he doesn't want to talk. I don't know why.
-Rebel acted messed up tonight, that was kind of expected, he hasn't seen me in a week.
-My best friend has split with her boyfriend. They're both hurting and it's hard as hell to try and sit back on my heels and stay out of it. I care about them both and loved them together. I have no idea if it will work out but right now I have such a strong emotional connection with this friend I feel like I'm feeling part of her hurt and pain.
-Work has so much drama going on right now it could become it's own highschool play.
Annnnnnnnnnnnd... I have a phone call from my dear friend referenced above. No more long ranting for now.
-Dave is angry and depressed, he doesn't want to talk. I don't know why.
-Rebel acted messed up tonight, that was kind of expected, he hasn't seen me in a week.
-My best friend has split with her boyfriend. They're both hurting and it's hard as hell to try and sit back on my heels and stay out of it. I care about them both and loved them together. I have no idea if it will work out but right now I have such a strong emotional connection with this friend I feel like I'm feeling part of her hurt and pain.
-Work has so much drama going on right now it could become it's own highschool play.
Annnnnnnnnnnnd... I have a phone call from my dear friend referenced above. No more long ranting for now.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Wednesday Weirdness #34
A meme that always has some of the most off the wall questions! http://wednesdayweird.blogspot.com/
1. What is the one sexual act you would never do? Anything involving kids or scat.
2. Is there anyone you know, that if they turned out to be a serial killer you would not be surprised? Uhm, no.
3. What is the most annoying thing about the holiday season for you? The large crowds and not being able to move through stores.
4. If you saw a video of your celebrity crush picking their nose, would that change your opinion of their hotness? Nope, I don't think it would.
5. What is the one non-sexual thing you would be embarrassed to be caught doing? Singing and dancing around the room by myself.
6. A favorite blogger friend wrote a column about the one word that really turns her on. Do you have a word or phrase that does the same for you? What is it? Not one that I'm going to share here. :)
7. As someone who ran a virtual cookie exchange, I have to ask what your favorite cookie is? Chewy chocolate chip
1. What is the one sexual act you would never do? Anything involving kids or scat.
2. Is there anyone you know, that if they turned out to be a serial killer you would not be surprised? Uhm, no.
3. What is the most annoying thing about the holiday season for you? The large crowds and not being able to move through stores.
4. If you saw a video of your celebrity crush picking their nose, would that change your opinion of their hotness? Nope, I don't think it would.
5. What is the one non-sexual thing you would be embarrassed to be caught doing? Singing and dancing around the room by myself.
6. A favorite blogger friend wrote a column about the one word that really turns her on. Do you have a word or phrase that does the same for you? What is it? Not one that I'm going to share here. :)
7. As someone who ran a virtual cookie exchange, I have to ask what your favorite cookie is? Chewy chocolate chip
Monday, December 15, 2008
Manic Monday #146
Found Here - http://manicmondaymeme.blogspot.com/ - for those who might want the link back.
Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after having used it? I have, because sometimes you use something and it breaks. I don't believe I've ever bought something and returned it after using it and the item was still just fine.
You are going out for the evening. If your partner objects to what you are wearing, would you change your clothing? Most definitely. My husband is complimentary and if he objects to something I know it's because something is very wrong with it.
What item that you don’t currently possess would you most like to have in your home? Oooo.. that's a hard choice. Top of my list, all new and matching furniture for each room. If it has to be a singular item I'd say a PS3.
Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after having used it? I have, because sometimes you use something and it breaks. I don't believe I've ever bought something and returned it after using it and the item was still just fine.
You are going out for the evening. If your partner objects to what you are wearing, would you change your clothing? Most definitely. My husband is complimentary and if he objects to something I know it's because something is very wrong with it.
What item that you don’t currently possess would you most like to have in your home? Oooo.. that's a hard choice. Top of my list, all new and matching furniture for each room. If it has to be a singular item I'd say a PS3.
Bettie Page - RIP lovely woman
She was an icon, she was beautiful, she was sensual, and she stands out in my mind as one of my heroes. She went against the tide, believed in herself, and didn't conform to society. In her later years she gave up modelling, her bikinis, and her lingerie (as they say) and became a Christian woman, but this in itself isn't a negative thing and no one should see it as such. It was simply a change that she wished to make. I haven't read a word that stated she ever regretted her past and I truly believe she never did.
My God she was an amazing woman.
RIP Bettie Page, I'll always remember you, your beauty and spirit.
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