In follow-up to my earlier rambling post, I wanted to write again and say that my day has improved and my 'little demons' as I'll continue to call them, have stopped their pounding.
Coming here and writing earlier helped.
Talking at length with one of my best friends, who I also call brother (because he's closer to me than a meer friend could be) helped greatly.
Sean stopping by my work and surprising me at around 2:45pm this afternoon because his 6th-husbandy-sense told him something was very off, helped emensely.
I have a clearer understanding of many things that were troubling me and with that understanding comes blissful peace and silence of my 'little demons'.
In other updates and news:
My stepson, Drew, turned 18 during the month of April. He graduated high school in December 2012. He's gotten his first job and is working at Papa Murphy's and has set a goal for himself to be driving his car by mid-June. I'm so proud of who he is and the young man I've seen him become over the last 4 years. The love I have for this young man is impossible to express in words. We've had our moments, we've had our frustrations, but I think especially in the last year or so I've come to love him in a way that I can best describe as the love others have expressed for their own sons that are blood. I would love him no differently than if he was my blood. He is my family and my son; as he's the son of his father and mother.
He's one of the most emotional, affectionate, and intelligent 18 year olds I've ever met in my life. He gives me a hug goodnight every evening he's with us and never fails to tell his Dad and I that he loves us before he disappears to his room. He expresses his appreciation for the things we do, whether it be large or small. In the last few months he's learned better communication and has learned to express his anger and frustration in healthy ways, speaking to his Dad and I about it when he needs to. He's become an amazing part of my world and I can't ever imagine not having him as part of my life.
Sean and I are preparing for some big changes and the last line about Drew is going to be the hardest part of the changes to come. We're currently looking for work in the Boston, MA area and once found, we'll be moving their fairly quickly. The hardest part of this is of course leaving Drew behind. We tell him weekly that he can come with us, and after we go there will always *always* be a ticket waiting for him if he feels the need for a change and wants to move as well.
We have a few reasons for moving. The move itself is because we desperately need a change. Sean has been in Pensacola the majority of his life and he wants out, badly. It's a small town and it has a lot of history and memories, some of those memories are wonderful and may even eventually draw us back here, but many of them we want to get away from. He wants to experience a bigger city and a different culture. We both feel that there's zero room for growth in our careers here in Pensacola, it's just too small.
We looked at two areas when we decided we were going to move. Parts of Washington and parts of Massachusetts. The reason that we chose MA is where the other reason for the move comes in. That reason is fertility treatment and the fact that MA is one of the few states in the USA that provides coverage for fertility treatment in their medical coverage. Sean and I have been trying to get pregnant for about a year now. During that year we've done a total of 6 cycles of a fertility medication called Clomid, ranging from 50mg to 150mg. I also had surgery a few months ago, for my endometrosis, and we were told at that time that 1 of my fallopian tubes was either kinked or blocked. The cycles of Clomid in addition to blood tests have told us that I'm not ovulating regularly. It's actually in fact, quite the opposite. I ovulated twice in the 6 cycles of fertility treatments and don't appear to be at all without some extra hormonal help (the Clomid). Without getting into all the specifics, after 3 or 6 cycles of Clomid, you really have to stop. It can start causing other problems as it throws the body all out of whack. Clomid was a very inexpensive, low on the chain, form of fertility treatment and really only cost us about $40 per cycle. It was definitely worth a shot, however, it didn't work for us. SO ..... very long story short, we're working on moving to MA so we can undergo other much more expensive options of fertility to try and have a baby we so dearly would like to have.
While neither Sean nor I have the desire to continue moving multiple times, we both feel that MA isn't going to be our last stop. Right now the tenative plan is to eventually move to back to Washington state, my original home. We'll be close to my family and it has a lot of what we want in regards to the weather, seasons, and property near larger cities. This of course will depend on what MA has in store for us, if things change for his mother here in FL, or for my family in WA - it's all subject to change.
We learned very quickly how fast things can change in the blink of an eye this year, so we know that even the best laid plans, could be uprooted in a second. However, we have a plan and a goal and are working towards it.
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