Almost through the End of the Year Holidays

It's a short post ... sorry, I just haven't felt much like writing recently.

Christmas was good. My sister asked me to describe the day to her in 3 words; I believe I said, "fun, great, and lonely." It was SO wonderful to have my Mom with me. I'm still enjoying her company now. However, I'm used to a big family, lots of happiness, lots of nice, lots of hugs, lots of tradition, lotsa lotsa lotsa. I missed it this year. I took for granted the couple of times in the last few years that I spent Christmas Day with Dave's family -- I had lonely moments then as well, but it was still a larger adult group and we had a lot of fun. I really am working to not focus on the negative but I seem to use my blog to vent a lot. It was really amazing to have the boys on Christmas morning, it was a good time and they were loud and silly and excited. I'm glad that Lisa (Dave's ex-wife) was so kind to let us have them Christmas Eve and morning.

Anyways, I'll likely write more about all this sometime soon. It's midnight and Dave, Mom, and myself need to head off to bed.

Manic Monday #147

http://manicmondaymeme.blogspot.com/


If you were at a friend’s house for a holiday dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? If it's a friend, tell her / him. I wouldn't want them to be eating anything that might have come in contact with it either! I'd try to make her / him be at ease by trying to laugh it off. Here in Florida cockroaches happen sometimes, even when your house is spotless.

If you could put anyone you know on Prozac, who would you choose? Uhm. No one. Mental medication needs to be a personal choice and something worked out with your Doctor to be the right med and the right doseage. Now .. if I'm being sarcastic and silly .. I'd say my ex. hehe.

How do you feel about public displays of affection? Love it. As long as it's not overboard. Holding hands, peck kisses, sitting next to each other, etc. People who blantantly maul each other in public and make out like crazy, need to wait to get home or get a room!

Unconscious Mutterings #308

I found this through someone elses website, that I found through Sunday Stealing. I think I just need to write tonight and so it was another thing for me to do.

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Carpet ::
rug burn

2. Bottoms ::
underwear

3. Music ::
hate

4. Nails ::
nine inch nails the band

5. Watch it! ::
don't fall through that plate glass window

6. Your life ::
sucks right now

7. Candies ::
hard candy, I don't like it

8. Chafing ::
bikini line

9. Svelte ::
no idea what this means

10. Ding ::
on the head with a 5 pound dumbell

Hopefully the first thing that came to my mind didn't have to be just one word. I suppose I get to play how I decide to play here.

Sunday Stealing Meme from the Screaming Masses

Who knows, maybe it'll bring some cheer.

1. What is a nickname a former (or present) lover gave you? Yummycheeks.

2. How do you style your hair? If you just would say "cut" what style is it? I don't really style my hair. I wash it, I brush it when it's dry. I've never been big on doing anything with it. It's a bit longer than shoulder length, parted on one side or the other depending on how I flip it.

3. What's your least favorite Christmas song? Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. It's an annoying song.

4. How many colors are you wearing now? 3 or 5, depending on if you count the different shades. 2 shades of blue, 2 shades of red, and silver. My t-shirt has a some crazy designs and says "Girls Against Boys".

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert? A mixture of both. It really depends on the time and the people I'm around.

6. What was the last book you read? Currently reading Book 10 in the Wheel of Time Series. Last one read was Book 9.

7. What's one piece of fiction that changed your life? Honestly, I'm not sure, I can't think of anything like that right now.

8. If you are attracted to someone who is already in a relationship (or married), what might do you do? Nothing, other than be their friend.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently? HA! .. a lot, see previous post.

10. What's your favorite dessert? Cheesecake, all kinds.

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? About 30 seconds. I work from home, I roll out of bed and onto the computer. If I'm going somewhere, about 20-30 minutes.

12. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it? yahoo.com and gmail.com for my emails.

13. What was your last job before either you are at home or at another job?? Last job before my current was working for Pampered Chef as a Consultant. I've considered starting up again, I was just way to busy at the time.

14. Do you like to clean? In general, no. When I'm stressed or upset, it helps relax me.

15. What was the last song to get stuck in your head? A stupid Christmas song that I made up in my mind this morning, it was crazy.

16. What's the last movie you saw? In the theatre or at home? Theatre: Transporter 3. Home: Pineapple Express at my sisters house.

17. Pirates or Ninjas? Pirates (as Dave states) are way to over done right now, however, I do prefer them over ninjas.

18. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday? Take all my medication.

19. Best time of your life? It's hard to choose a time. Partially because I've been through so many rough things and partially because I'm feeling so negative right now. First thing I can think of, I was single for 2 years prior to meeting Dave and learned a lot about my own independence.

20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming year? Continued weight loss and the slight glimmer of hope that maybe.. just maybe.. we'll become financially stable again at some point in the year.

Life - is it like this for everyone?

I really have to wonder, is life tough for everyone most of the time? Is there ever a point of contentment when there isn't stress of some sort every single day? I think I need to speak to some older people and ask. If this is the constant, I'm not sure how the majority of the population makes it to old age.

Sometimes I really hate myself when I whine, I know so many people have it harder. I know there are people homeless, people being abused, people permanently disabled, people living in a nursing home from a young age for the rest of their lives. What right do I have to bitch about my constant state of discontent.

I have good moments, I have good hours, I even occasionally have a full day that I make it through without negative thoughts. Overall though, stress and discontent seems to rule my life right now.

We moved here 4 months ago and yet I still having f'ing boxes all throughout the house. Against the wall in my livingroom, my diningroom, my spare bedroom, my closet, my bedroom; really, every room except the kitchen and the bathroom. I hate it, I hate living with clutter, yet I find no motivation to work on it when half the time if feels like only my motivation. Dave is a procrastinator (as am I at times), but worst of all I have to push and push and push to get help around the house if extra things need to be done. Tomorrow, yet again, will be one of those days. I've no doubt that we'll be angry at each other at some point.

Money, we have none. Literally in fact!!! Our accounts are completely overdrawn effective today and effective yesterday, both of our major credit cards are to the maximum limit. HOORAY! Financial hell! Dave gets his first paycheck tomorrow (hopefully - it's coming by mail) which will be for 1 week at his whoopin' $6 that 'fuck you very much' Sears pays him. I get paid on this upcoming Friday, but our rent is due the 1st of the month which will use up the entire check. We haven't paid our electric bill or car payment which are already late, and our credit cards, cell phone, and ring payment are all due by the 1st of the month! Oh yes, and we of course have child support that we need to make sure is there on time as well!

I currently want to give up, to crawl into a hole and disappear from life, to let go of everything and just not care. I'm SO tired of taking all of this on! I'm SO angry at the moment that we made this move to Florida! Right now, kids or no kids, I don't care, I want stability!

I hate this.

Friday Fill-Ins #103

I like this meme, it's fun because you can be serious in your answers, or let the creative juices flow and say outright silly things.

The direction for this meme was to fill in the correct lyrics, or make up ones of your own. I think I'm going to chose the later option, it goes with my mood.

1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, sleep baby sleep.
2. The first Noel, the angel did say, the world will at some point completely change the meaning of this day.
3. Sing, run, laugh and play, over the hills and everywhere.
4. It came upon the midnight clear, a spaceship! .. I swear!
5. Coronary Bypass Graft x3 and , Let your heart be light.
6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing over and over again until it drives them crazy and they ring you on the head with a steel pipe.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to rest, tomorrow my plans include relaxation and Rebel, and Sunday, I want to meet with the trainer that did so well with Rebel before. It's in the works!

Oh "F" this.

What a day from hell. What a world full of hell - at least it sure seems like it at the moment. I'm listening to hate music and I'm going to write for a bit, that's part of what this blog is for, right?

-Dave is angry and depressed, he doesn't want to talk. I don't know why.
-Rebel acted messed up tonight, that was kind of expected, he hasn't seen me in a week.
-My best friend has split with her boyfriend. They're both hurting and it's hard as hell to try and sit back on my heels and stay out of it. I care about them both and loved them together. I have no idea if it will work out but right now I have such a strong emotional connection with this friend I feel like I'm feeling part of her hurt and pain.
-Work has so much drama going on right now it could become it's own highschool play.

Annnnnnnnnnnnd... I have a phone call from my dear friend referenced above. No more long ranting for now.

Wednesday Weirdness #34

A meme that always has some of the most off the wall questions! http://wednesdayweird.blogspot.com/

1. What is the one sexual act you would never do? Anything involving kids or scat.

2. Is there anyone you know, that if they turned out to be a serial killer you would not be surprised? Uhm, no.

3. What is the most annoying thing about the holiday season for you? The large crowds and not being able to move through stores.

4. If you saw a video of your celebrity crush picking their nose, would that change your opinion of their hotness? Nope, I don't think it would.

5. What is the one non-sexual thing you would be embarrassed to be caught doing? Singing and dancing around the room by myself.

6. A favorite blogger friend wrote a column about the one word that really turns her on. Do you have a word or phrase that does the same for you? What is it? Not one that I'm going to share here. :)

7. As someone who ran a virtual cookie exchange, I have to ask what your favorite cookie is? Chewy chocolate chip

Manic Monday #146

Found Here - http://manicmondaymeme.blogspot.com/ - for those who might want the link back.

Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after having used it? I have, because sometimes you use something and it breaks. I don't believe I've ever bought something and returned it after using it and the item was still just fine.

You are going out for the evening. If your partner objects to what you are wearing, would you change your clothing? Most definitely. My husband is complimentary and if he objects to something I know it's because something is very wrong with it.

What item that you don’t currently possess would you most like to have in your home? Oooo.. that's a hard choice. Top of my list, all new and matching furniture for each room. If it has to be a singular item I'd say a PS3.

Bettie Page - RIP lovely woman

She was an icon, she was beautiful, she was sensual, and she stands out in my mind as one of my heroes. She went against the tide, believed in herself, and didn't conform to society. In her later years she gave up modelling, her bikinis, and her lingerie (as they say) and became a Christian woman, but this in itself isn't a negative thing and no one should see it as such. It was simply a change that she wished to make. I haven't read a word that stated she ever regretted her past and I truly believe she never did.

My God she was an amazing woman.

RIP Bettie Page, I'll always remember you, your beauty and spirit.

Sunday Stealing: The Christmas Meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Almost always wrapping paper. I *love* wrapping presents. Family and friends recruit my help if I'm close by.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real, real, real, and more real. Nothing can replace the wonderful fresh smell of pine. I've used tiny artificial trees at work before, but I try to always use a fresh one at home.

3. When do you put up the tree? Couple of weeks after Thanksgiving usually.

4. When do you take the tree down? Within a week after Christmas.

5. Do you like eggnog? Nope. That whole raw egg thing has always kind of grossed me out. Overall I'm really not a big fan.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Hm, that's a hard one. I don't remember most of my childhood. I do remember the year my parents bought us the original Nintendo, there was some extreme excitement that morning!

7. Hardest person to buy for? Dad-in-law and Brother-in-law.

8. Easiest person to buy for? Any of my sisters or Mom. They always provide great lists.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither actually; this year I'm going to try and send a few out for the first time.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? The first thing that comes to mind was a gift exchange I was doing with a group of women... I actually can't remember what the group was for, perhaps the young woman's group for church. Anyway, one of the women bought and brought a sweater that was a size medium and you guessed it, I picked that gift. I was a size XL and didn't come close to fitting in it. Kind of random and weird that someone would buy that kind of a gift for an exchange.

12. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Hmm.. I love spiral ham.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? As soon as possible! .. Generally I try to start buying main gifts up to a couple of months prior to Christmas.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? You mean regifting? Heh.. yeah.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? The different appetizers and candies my Mom would always home make. Cheese balls, salmon dip, coconut joys, almond roca, etc.

16. Lights on the tree? Always! Always a solid color, generally white. I've done just red before too.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" and "Silver Bells"

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel. My family lives all over the place.

19. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star. We've always done stars as a family and had a tradition every year to go out and buy a new star.

20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Family tradition has always been that we open one present Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas morning. I like the tradition and will probably always stick with it.

Friday Fill-in

1. Friends, I don't have many, but those I do have I cherish.

2. My health; it's pretty decent.

3. I'm ready for sleep. I seem to be tired a lot recently.

4. Cool water is one of my favorite perfumes or aftershaves or smells.

5. The oldest ornament I have is my son's 1st Christmas ornament (that his parents sent me) is the oldest I own I believe.

6. Take some sugar, cinnamon, bread, butter, and toaster mix it all together and you have cinnamon toast! (I know, random)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending more time with my family, tomorrow my plans include spending time with my family and Sunday, I want to spend more time with my family!

Couple of updates

First and most exciting. I hit onederland!!!!!!!!!!!! I cried a little. I had Dave grab the camera and take a picture of the scale. I need to take some new pictures of myself and get them up. Before and afters and all that. This journey has been full of ups and downs, but it is all worth it and I'd do it 1000 times over. I have less than 40 pounds to goal and I will continue to work with my tool until I get there.

In other news, I got in a bad horseback riding accident with Rebel two nights ago. The good news, nothing is broken. I got incredibly lucky. The bad news. I hurt everywhere! It's similar to having whiplash in my back after a car accident, except my arms and left shoulder are also killing me. Rebel is very very well trained at a walk/trot and has come so far in the last 3 months. His trot used to be out of control - fast / slow / fast / slow - head up in the air, nuts really. However, long hard work has resulted in him getting better and better and he's lovely to ride at a walk/trot now.. His canter on the other hand we've mostly not touched. It's not only out of control, it's dangerous. When I'm working with him, even though I'm functioning as his trainer, I always make sure someone else is on site and close by if I'm going to canter. We're working on it, but he is still dangerous at it. To give a little background, the problem is that Rebel used to be a barrel racer. His owner would do nothing but get on his back and run run run at a dead run. This has resulted in his mind not understanding anything but head-on, dead to the bit, mind-blowing, muscle tensed hard running with no control. Someone would think, "well just pull him back and force him into control," but unfortunately it doesn't work that way when he's had 7 years of the other engraved into his head. It will take months, possibly more to fix. Anyhow, generally I canter him in the round-pen, it forces him to have some control and eliminates the possibility of him grabbing the bit in his teeth and pulling the control from me. Frankly, where's he going to go? Other than in a small circle around and around. This is why round-pens are used a lot in training. He's been slowly improving but has a long way to go. My error in the accident is that I trusted we had made enough progress to take him into the field arena. (much larger, tons of room, trees, bushes, etc). Earlier in the day I did it with no other horses in the arena and he did pretty well. Mostly out of control, but we had a few moments that he maintained a steady pace. So.. okay. We continue to ride with others at a walk/trot and we're finishing up for the day, I decide it'd be good to end the day with one last round of cantering. (I really have to say each time I say canter its like a joke since I think of a canter as calm and controlled and his is far from it). Anyhow, 3 other horses in the arena, I move him into the canter and he tweaks, almost running over the top of the other horses. This results in some serious, "WTF"'s from all of us, a punishing tight circle to bring him back into control, and a comment from me of "sorry guys, let me try that one more time." This in general wasn't a mistake; like training with other animals, if they do something incredibly wrong, you don't stop on that note, you try again until you get it right. I truly thought there would be no problem in asking him for the canter again, afterall, he had done it semi-controlled 4 or 5 times an hour previous, right? .. wrong. I ask him for the canter and for the 1st time since 3 months ago he does the worst thing that can happen on horseback; he bolted, causing me to pull the bit back, causing him to be able to clamp his teeth down on it, eliminating all of my control. He made 1 dead run aruond the arena, the other women knew from watching that he was out of control but were helpless to do anything. I've got both hands on one rein trying pull the bit out of his control and force his head sideways so I can get him to stop. (tight circles equal emergency stops) Within seconds it was all over, the other gals screamed as he ran headlong straight into a tree. My last desperate thought before impact was that he was going to kill himself by hitting it head first. However he turned his head at the last moment so it hit his neck and then his shoulder; bringing us from a dead-run down to a crashing stop. I flew from his back into the side of the tree, hitting my head, left shoulder, and left arm, scratching the hell out of the arm. The force of the impact bounced me back into his saddle which was the biggest oddity of it. We were both very dazed to say the least. I refused the call for the ambulance as soon as I found that no bones were broken, the scratchs were bleeding, but nothiing serious. I do realize now that with the adrenaline pumping I probably felt very little of the pain, though I still don't think I needed to be taken to the ER. Anyhow --- in hindsight, I still don't know what happened. We know he took off obviously, but why? and then why run head on into the tree? That night it was all about us calling him a stupid f'ing animal, but now it just bugs me. I sincerely wish there were better ways to communicate with our animals.

Frustrating news, Dave had an interview with AT&T today, he thought he did really well. Within a couple of hours he had an email saying, Thanks but No Thanks. *sigh* It's really hard not to get your hopes up when a good interview comes and we were really hoping it was finally time for him to find a good job. All that can be done is to continue looking, continue trying. For now he is working at Sears, part-time, which we're grateful for, it will help us make the ends meet temporarily. Though I still can't believe they get away with paying people $6 an hour. All because they have 1% commission... woo. Let's say that again .. uhm. woo. Feel the sarcasm?

It's late, we gotta get to bed. I need to get into work early because I'm leaving early for my flight. I get to see my nephew in 1 more day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hooray!!!!!!!!

Sunday Stealing Meme - Battle of the Meme

My Sunday Memes are taken from this site: Try one sometime!

1. When you buy a greetings card are the words or the picture more important to you? The words. I'll pay attention to the pictures and design as well of course, but the words are the most important.

2. Do you ever make gifts for people, if so what, or do you buy them? Yep. I've made a few different things. This year for Christmas I'm painting and putting together a specific holiday decoration for each member of the family to have in their household. I've made ornaments before. Crochetted scarves and hats.

3. Are you going on holiday this year? I'm assuming this means going somewhere for Christmas? In that case, no. I am going to my sisters next week for a short visit with her and my nephew though!

4. What was the best party you've ever been to? My work always held a huge Christmas party at Gilette Stadium each year, S.L. is able to put on a great party!

5. What's the most romantic thing that's ever been said to you? There've been a few good ones, one of my favorites that has always stuck with me was. "It's morning, it's chilly, the snow is gently falling outside, and I want nothing more than to have you snuggled up close to me.

7. What's your favorite romantic song? Enya, "Only Time". Gives me chills every time.

8. Favorite heartbreak song? Hard for me to pick one. Plus I can't think of many right now. We'll say "Where to Broken Hearts go". I might update that sometime.

9. Which celebrity would you like a dream date with? Hmm.. Hugh Jackman

10. Which female celebrity do you find beautiful? Charlize Theron

11. Which male celebrity do you think is attractive? hahaha, just one?! Patrick Dempsey, Vin Diesel, Hugh Jackman, Jason Statham, Clive Owens

12. Describe the kind of underwear you normally wear. Bikini cut or boy short style.

13. If you could be in a television sit-com, which would you choose? It's borderline a sit-com but, "House". Or, while it was still on, "Friends".

14. Which character would you like to be? #13 on "House" or Rachel on "Friends"

15. What are your favorite boy and girl names? Uhm, I can't think of all of them right now, but some: Carter, Connor for boys. Rebekah, May, Rayne, Samantha for girls.

16. What's your supermarket of choice? Uh, whichever have the best sales / prices. In Boston it was Market Basket. We're still learning and picking in Largo, FL.

17. What is your best character trait? empathy

18. What is your worst habit? holding in my anger until I'm ready to blow

19. Elaborate on your default icon. Don't have one; at least not here.

20. What is your current relationship status? Married

21. Ever have a near death experience? Yes. I was repelling with my youth group and when I slipped off the edge of the cliff, the rope wasn't secured. I fell about 15 feet and my hair (about half of it on a side of my head) ran up the 'figure 8' piece and stopped my fall. It was pure luck via the Dr that it didn't rip my scalp. It did however separate my scalp from my head in some areas without ripping? I was much younger. I just remember a lot of pain. One of our youth group leaders repelled down next to me and once everyone had made sure the rope was actually secure, he cut my hair off and they lowered me the other 50 feet.

22. Name an obvious quality about you? Hm, an odd question if you ask me. Obvious physical is that I've got large and nice breasts. hahaha. After talking to me for awhile I think most notice that I have a very friendly personality.

23. What’s the name of a song stuck in your head right now? "Where to Broken Hearts Go". Due to the above question. Bleh.

24. Name a celebrity you would marry? Being that I know none of them personally, thats a hard question. Based off of news and movies, I'll say Hugh Jackman and hope he's just as super duper sexy and romantic in person as he is in his movies.

25. Do you like pain? hahahahaha.. uhm. Wow. Uh. In a sexual sort of way, yes, very much so. You all don't need the elaboration there. In the day to day life, I have a high tolerance, but no, in general I don't like pain.

Friday Fill in #101

Meme taken from the site of: http://fridayfillins.blogspot.com/

I was going through some back entries and discovered it makes much more sense for me to put the beginnings in bold and then my fill ins in regular text.

1. Snow is wonderful and beautiful in small doses. The amount of snow each year up in Boston was ridiculous. My favorite part of snow was always going outside at night or the early morning, after a heavy snow fall, and listening to the peaceful beautiful silence. It always seemed to work as some form of a sound muffler against the world. I loved the beauty of unwalked / undriven snow as well.

2. I'm looking forward to seeing my nephew in a few days!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T WAIT! :) Oh.. and of course seeing my sisters and Mom too.

3. Vincent is the best nephew ever!

4. One of my favorite old tv shows is ER. I'm not sure how many people would consider it "old", but it has been on for a very long time. Sadly, this is it's last season. I'd eventually like to own every season because it's by far been one of my favorite shows of all time; it probably always will be.

5. I'm done with my 1st piece of toast. LOL. I had a toast craving. I made two pieces with light country crock and sugar-free strawberry preserves, but I only made it through 1 piece. My mind still doesn't remember sometimes that the little tummy only does so much.

6. The most enjoyable thing around the holidays is family. It always means I get more time with family. We all live far apart from each other and any kind of excuse to see them more often I'll take. I also love the smells, decorations, and lights.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some extra sleep, tomorrow my plans include seeing Rebel in the morning and working on the house in the afternoon and Sunday, I want to get a lot of rest like always! :)

One of these days I'll learn -- I hope

Most know that read here that I had RNY Gastric Bypass surgery on April 21, 2008. One of the reasons I chose the surgery was because of my lack of self control. The surgery to me has been and continues to be a weight loss tool that when I start to get off track kicks me in the ass and hard.

Things that have changed permanently:

My portion size, I can't and ideally will never again be able to eat more food than 1 cup and maybe eventually 2 cups at a time. Depending on how solid the food is this varies slightly. This is something I've been controlling well, especially recently, and it's something I'm happy with. Even when Dave and I go out somewhere to eat, I know I can simply take the other half or 2/3rds of my food home and have it later.

My ability to eat things with sugar and fat. Fat, no problem really, I've never really enjoyed fatty foods anyways. Once in a blue moon I get a craving for fries or a burger and in those times I can easily by a small fry and eat 10-15 of them and hand the rest to Dave. I can do the same with half of a Jr. Burger of some sort. The problem I do have, is with sugar or sweet things. Grr. It's still a battle for me, generally at least once on a weekly basis. Last week, Thanksgiving, I wanted a slice of that apple pie soooo bad; and I had it, along with a couple bites of pumpkin. Now, if I was smart about it I would've made something similar to pumpkin pie or apple pie, but sugar free, prior to going to Thanksgiving dinner. Of course, I didn't do that and about 15 minutes after eating I got sick. Sick involves getting cramps, a stomach ache, extreme tiredness and without being graphic an unpleasant 'end' result. It generally lasts about an hour start to finish.

Today, I did it AGAIN! .. except it was a craving for chicken nuggets and a kids size frosty. I mean, really?? I need a knock to the head. Generally I'm able to do a kids size frosty with little or no problem as long as I sip/eat it slow, however, mixed with fake chicken (5 piece) and bbq sauce (1 of them), not so much. *sigh* Anyhow, that was more than an hour ago.

I WILL learn not to do this to myself.

Meme: Manic Monday #144

Taken from Website: http://manicmondaymeme.blogspot.com/

It's "Cyber Monday" today, the ceremonial kick-off of the holiday online shopping season in the United States. Do you do much online shopping, holiday or otherwise? Both Dave and I do a moderate amount of online shopping. The most shopping we do online is generally during the Holidays. Our families live all over the US and it's much easier to have a store ship it to their location rather than buy it locally and then ship it locally; plus a lot of the time you can get free shipping online.

Are you a Mac or a PC user? Why? PC User. It's what I grew up with, it's what I know and am comfortable with. Dave has worked with Mac's a lot since he worked with computers in several stores, but we haven't bought him one as they tend to cost a lot more than PC's.

What website do you spend more time on than you care to admit? MySpace.

Sunday Stealing Meme

This is a nice and long one which is perfect because it's what I was in the mood for. Sunday Stealing is located at: http://sundaystealing.blogspot.com/ It's a wonderful Sunday activity in which the person who owns the site goes hunting for other random Memes I have to say, I think they're typically some of the best.

LAYER 1: Tell us your...

* Name: Rachel
* Birthday (month, day): May 25th
* Birthplace: Portland, OR
* Current location: Largo, FL
* Eye color: Blue
* Hair color: Brown
* Height: 5'7"
* Righty or lefty: Lefty
* Zodiac sign: Gemini

LAYER 2: What's...

* Your heritage: Irish and German
* The shoes you wore today: When I had some on, stable boots for riding, but I didn't go much of anywhere except to the barn today.
* Your weakness: Food, it always will be.
* Your fears: Spiders, dying young, missing something important.
* Your perfect pizza: fresh mozerella(sp), tomatoes, artichoke hearts, fresh ricotta
* Goals you’d like to achieve: Reaching 160pds. Secure financial security. The ability to retire at 65. (I'm 32, but I think about it all the time).
* Your first waking thoughts: UGH!!!! It's morning. I HATE mornings.
* Your best physical feature: Eyes, always been my eyes.
* Your most missed memory: Wow, this is a hard question for me. I've lost tons and tons of memories. I generally can't remember the details of something for more than a year or two and I hate it. Dr's state its a block I put up long ago. Anyhow, without going into extreme detail I can remember an event happening. (the birth of my son), but I have no memories of the details. I take tons of pictures of everything to help with this.

LAYER 3: Do you...

* Smoke: rarely, but once in awhile still
* Cuss: hell yes, probably too much.
* Sing: yep! but almost only when I'm alone.
* Take a shower every day: most of the time
* Do you think you’ve been in love: Yea
* Did you go to college: Briefly, no degrees though.
* Liked high school: hated it in every way possible.
* Want to get/stay married: Yes
* Believe in yourself: Yes, I've struggled with this, but more and more I do.
* Think you’re attractive: Eh, working on this, but yes definitely more than a year ago.
* Think you’re a health freak: Nope, I just try to make good choices about my food.
* Get along with your parent(s): Very much so.
* Like thunderstorms: Absolutely love them.
* Play an instrument: Used to play piano. Still can, just not well.

LAYER 4: In the past month have you…

* Drank alcohol: yes
* Smoked: yes
* Done a drug: yes
* Made out: yes
* Gone on a date: yes
* Gone to the mall: yes
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
* Eaten sushi: yes
* Been on stage: no
* Been dumped: no
* Gone skating: no
* Gone skinny dipping: no
* Stolen Anything: no

LAYER 5: Have you ever…

* Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
* Been caught “doing something”: yes
* Been called a tease: yes
* Gotten beaten up: no, been hit and slapped, but I haven't been 'beaten up' by my thoughts of the term.
* Shoplifted: yes

LAYER 6:

* Age you did get/hope to be married: 31
* Numbers and names of children (either you have or want): 1 son, 2 stepsons. Son was adopted after he was born, open adoption so I still have contact, his name is Carter. Two stepsons live about 5 minutes away. Devon and Ian.
* Describe your dream mate: Romantic, supportive, honest.
* How do you want to die: Peacefully, painlessly.
* What did you want to be when you grow up: Vet. I started, but stopped during my first internship, I couldn't handle how horrible some people were to their animals. I've thought about going back and restarting now that I'm older.
* What country would you most like to visit: This is hard as there are so many. One that tops my list is Italy.

LAYER 7: Now tell...

* Name a drug you’ve taken illegally: Marijuana
* Name a person you could trust with my life: Dave
* Name a favorite CD that you own: Lincoln Park - Hybrid Theory
* Number of piercings: Only 4 currently. Used to have several. Two holes each ear. One in the lobe of each ear and one in the trakus of each ear.
* Number of tattoos: 1 - dark faire on my left ankle. A lot of meaning behind it too.
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Not sure? Maybe once or twice but I dont know of any distinctive times.
* Name a past experience that you regret: I try not to regret any, but I do have one that I would like to eventually get past. I regret not being strong enough to walk away from my ex, it's been 8+ years, yet it's always bugged me, I hope someday it doesn't.

Another Friday Fill-Ins Meme!

1. My stomach is much smaller than it's ever been!!!!!!!
2. Turkey is what I ate the most of on Thursday.
3. The yard doesn't exist at my apartment. lol. We have no yard.
4. With horses is where I'd rather be at any given time.
5. The smell of leather reminds me of one of my favorite places, the horse barn.
6. Less back pain is what I need right now!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a long sleep in my cozy bed, tomorrow my plans include seeing Rebel and giving Devon a riding lesson, and Sunday, I want to relax and do some Christmas shopping from home!

I've been sick all week and without a voice the majority of it. Not really in the mood to write much more than the meme.

Saturday 9

I've been up in Boston for the last week and a half without internet (except at work), so no blogging for me. It's too late and I'm too tired to write at the moment, but I figured I'd at least put up a Meme. PLUS, my lil' sister is here visiting MEEEE! .. so I am spending most of my time with her while I can.

1. What did you dream about last night? I don't think I drempt last night.

2. Do you often have nightmares? Alllll the time, hate it.

3. Do you have any special talents? Horseback riding/training (WOOT!) and I used to play the piano quite well.

4. Who is the most talented person that you know? Difficult question, not sure.

5. What did you watch on TV last? ER, caught up on my episodes last night.

6. Is there a new TV show that you would recommend? My lil sister says Chuck, but I'm not a big fan. Right now I'm fairly addicted to Grey's Anatomy, but that's not new.

7. Who was the last person you phoned and why? Ryan, lil sisters husband to say I was on the way back to the house.

8. Who was the last person who phoned you and why? Ryan and Bek (lil sister) to get the address to come to our house.

9. What was the last snail mail letter that you received? Some kind of junk mail or bill I've no doubt. There was a stack about 4 inches high of mail when I came back from Boston.

Friday Fill-In #97

1. My blueprint for success includes happiness. A LOT of happiness.
2. Reese's Pieces was the last candy I ate.
3. The best facial moisturizer I've ever used is Ponds.
4. Laughter can be good therapy.
5. I'd like to tell you about my sadness right now. (see last post)
6. My empathy and love for people is my strongest characteristic.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sleep, tomorrow my plans include a surprise and Sunday, I want to be happy and relaxed!

Bad things happen to good people

This is one of those things in life I've never fully understand. I'm not talking about grandma getting a flat tire, or a child falling down and skinning their knee. I'm not even talking about a favorite pet passing away as this is something that happens in the normal cycle of life. I'm talking about those things that are horrible, cruel, painful, and hurtful to the bone. I'm talking about those things happening to really good people.

Very few people in my life now, know of the dark past that I came from. My family has endured more pain and turmoil than anyone should ever see.

I have a friend that I love so much that my heart could burst who has endured years of abuse. A dear friend who is now struggling her hardest with her hands raw from grasping the rope of hope, trying her damnedest to get away from the bastard. Why do people like him exist? Why is it allowed?

I have another dear friend who has just been charged with murder. Yes, I wrote that correctly. Murder. I don't know the whole story, I don't know all the details. However, what I do know is that this is one of the most kind hearted, gentle, and loving people I've had the privildge of knowing. She's in prison currently, in solitary confinement, not because she did something bad (to be confined), but because they have to keep her seperated from the other inmates that want to kill her. It was a baby that died; she was 1 years old. The baby didn't do anything wrong - she was an innocent little girl. I truly believe that my friend did not do anything wrong either. Something happened, something isn't being said, someone is lying.

A family friend was riding in the sand dunes with his wife a couple months ago. They were on some abandoned roads and out alone, not too smart. They were looking at the scenery and playing around, both in their young 30's. Flying down one of the roads they came around a corner and a wire was strung across the road - right at neck height - someone was trying to slow down those speeding on the roads. Our friends shouldn't have been going so fast. The wire should have never been strung due to the danger. The husband was in front and the wire broke his neck and ripped open is coratid artery at the same time. His wife was flung free and other than a broken shoulder was okay. She watched her husband die. They have 4 children. How is that fair? In what way does that make sense?

I believe in God. I was raised to and have a fairly strong faith of my own that he exists. I know a lot of people who don't and respect their opinions as long as they respect mine. Yet ........ with things like the above happening. I can see why some people have a hard time believing.

I'm hurting right now. I wish I could understand why such horrible things have to happen in this life. Why do they happen to good people?

13 Things I'm Missing

With my husband and I's recent move from Boston, MA to Largo, FL a lot of things have changed - some of which are hopefully very temporary. So... for my Thursday Thirteen this week I'm doing things that I'm missing; some are related to the move, some are not. The numbers are in no particular order of importance - they're all important in their own way.

1) My husbands confidence - he's out of a job with the move and the last 2 months have been job hunting hell. A lot of hard work with very little response.

2) Barbara - one of the best best bestest friends I've ever had. I met her a few months before I left Boston and she's one of the biggest part of Boston I miss. She understands me like very few people have. I can't wait to see her again.

3) My Team - I work for a large company in the Boston area and am the Team Leader for 10 of the employees. I still work with them all daily by telecommuting, but I really miss being able to see them, laugh with them, and hang out for a drink after work on Fridays.

4) Being financially secure - with one job right now we're dipping into our savings account every month to pay the bills. We knew it would be hard finding a job for Dave down here, but we were expecting more than this. Within a couple of months we'll be in very big trouble if something doesn't come up.

5) Manicures - With two jobs and a secure income, I could get these weekly. It's a small thing, but was a bit of comfort I loved.

6) Pedicures - See above for the reasons. Again, it's a small thing, but sometimes our small comforts can matter a whole lot.

7) My family - my in-laws were in Boston. My Mom and Sis with my nephew is in Arizona. My brother and youngest sister are in Seattle. I miss them all, daily. I was raised as a very family oriented person and have a hard time being seperated from them. Yet -- my husbands two children are in Florida and they need him right now. I will endure.

8) ER - it's not gone yet, but I'm **SO** going to miss it once this season is over!!! I've been watching the show religiously for years.

9) The Garcia-Rowe family - They live in Boston and were good friends of Dave and I's. I loved visiting with them and spending time with their adorable daughter Ela.

10) Meghan and Zach - Another pair of wonderful friends from Boston. I feel that we should've spent more time with them. Lives get busy and sometimes we forget to do the more fun things in life.

11) Moody Street - A street in Waltham (Boston area) that had the bestest restaurants! Every kind of ethnic food you could think of. It was a great place to wander and spend time.

12) Not Your Average Joe's - Dave and I's favorite restaurant. None in Florida of course. If you live near one and you haven't gone, you *need* to go. Reasonable prices and some of the best food around. Sign up for their club / emails - they send all kinds of coupons and fabulous deals.

13) The Fells - Behind Dave's family's house was several hundred acres of woods. We went for walks in the woods all the time, long and short. Tons of trails to explore.

Manic Monday -- It definitely was!

Woke up to finding out that 5 of my 10 team were out today. 2 had accidents over the weekend - fairly bad ones, 1 was sick, 1 is scheduled on vacation, and 1 was in meetings after 10am due to new projects that he's taken on. (without speaking to me about them first). Argh! We got through the day and that part is great. Tomorrow will be a better work day.

I saw my Rebel man today. We had a good ride, however, prior to riding he decided to almost try and kill me. hehe. I can laugh about it now because it's okay, but at the time it was very bad. Keep in mind that this is my calm and docile gelding that never acts up. So, get to the barn, I'm in his stall cleaning like usual. He's hanging out in the stall like usual. Except this time his neighbor, a young palomino gelding decided to stick his head around his door and into Rebel's space. Then, all holy hell broke loose. Rebel dived at him, knocking me into the wall, both had their teeth bared and they were screaming like a couple of stallions. Ridiculous! I got bumped into the wall a few more times as he lunged and then I shoved the wooden handle of the pitchfork type tool into his ribs. He moved over and after a few more threatening gestures from me calmed down. Needless to say, I put his halter on and took him OUT of his stall before I finished cleaning. The funny part is I guess when I was shoving him away and pissed I screamed, "Absolutely not exceptable! You had your balls cut off 2 years ago, no more acting like a retarded stallion!!!". I remember yelling at him, but my fear had kind of taken over at that point so I hadn't remembered what I yelled. The gals at the barn gave me a bit of a tease over it for the night once they found out that I was okay. Anyhow, this was totally out of character for Rebel, he truly is incredibly easy going with both humans and other horses. After talking with his owner for a bit I found out that the only time he gets aggressive is with young stallions or geldings - in this case the palomino is a 2 year old. So ... now I know. It just never became an issue as the little palomino generally keeps his head in his own stall and out of site.

Anyway ... onto other things. Time for the Manic Monday Meme!!!

How many hours of TV do you watch per week? Probably close to 20 hours that I actually watch throughout the week. Give or take a couple. I'd say that at minimum half those hours are keeping the TV on in the background for noise.

Do you feel that's too much, not enough or just right? Borderline too much, but not as bad as some. I have 5 shows I tend to watch weekly, the rest is noise or boredom and I could go with or without it.

Which of the 5 senses do you feel is your strongest sense? From the standard senses, my sense of smell. I'm always picking up things that other people don't.

What's the wackiest belief you held as a child? I thought cartoons were real, could feel real pain, real pleasure, etc. At one point I even spoke to my Dad about how "Dumbo" was being abused in his movie and it upset me. This lasted for me for way to long - I was around 10 yrs old when reality started to set in. My sense of what was real and what was not set in late for me. My Mom and I have analyzed it a bit before on why that might have been, but it's not really a concern now.

Another Day

It's pretty bad when I have to read through my recent blog entries to see what I have and haven't already written about. Ehhh, overall I have a bad memory anyway, so I figure even if I was writing more frequently I'd still be looking back at previous posts.

Since I'm actually taking the time to write tonight, there are a few things I want to touch on. I'm going to make a little note of them here, that way I can check back on my list when I get caught up in writing. (Did I mention memory problems?) So, the kids, the horses, the job situation and finances, my nephew, this weekend, and Dave.

We had the kids this weekend, I think we're starting to get into a routine now. Right now they only stay for 1 night and it's every other weekend; but for the most part we now see them every weekend. Right now it definitely works for me, I think we're all still adjusting in a huge way. I think I'm improving my tolerance and acceptance. It sounds horrible and I haven't really mentioned it a lot, but sometimes I have a really hard time with them. I think it's partially because I resent them for having such a control on where Dave and I are located. I know that they're kids and it's not directly their fault -- but it's because they exist that we have to be certain places at certain times and live in certain areas. I know that probably sounds horrendous and I really don't mean it too, it's just a fact put in the very basic and blunt of terms. The other big adjustment is the noise levels - holy cow two kids in a 2 bedroom apartment can make a lot of noise! Even when they're being quiet, it's still so much more than I'm used to. Constant questions, constant talking (if they're not talking to each other or Dave and I, it's too themselves) and right now fairly constant fighting and talking back. They're 8 and 12 year old boys and they seem to have it out for each other ALL the TIME. The talking back we mostly get from the 8 year old and Dave and I both have zero, zip, zilch tolerance for it. I was recently told by someone that they thought we were a bit too strict because we set times that they have to be completely silent for 30 minutes at a time (they can read, play their DS (with the sound off), etc). And we recently started a silence punishment for talking back. I kind of laugh to myself about it - I personally believe it's very very far from harsh.

On the good side of things, Dave and I seem to work very well together with the kids. It seems like when I'm at my breaking point, he's calm and when he's at his breaking point, I'm calm. They both pushed a lot of buttons this weekend - so Dave and I took a couple of time-outs ourselves. Today I played "Whoonu" with the boys while Dave took a break. They hadn't played before and I didn't know how it would go, but it turned out to be really fun! Plus it allowed the boys and I to learn some new things about each other!

I'm also teaching them both out to ride horses now. One of the horses I'm leasing, Rebel, is fabulous with the kids. He's a very patient guy and I don't have to worry about him bolting away or being out of control. Ian (12yo) is a bit scared of horses still, so he's making some slow adjustments to just being around them. Devon (8yo) is our fearless wonder and is borderline not cautious enough, but, he's also picking up the skills of riding and horseman ship *amazingly* well. His balance in riding is wonderful, leg position and heel position I hardly have to remind him about, he's already holding the reins correctly without me having to show him. This Saturday was his 2nd time on Rebel by himself and I had him in the round pen for safety. (circle arena about 30 ft across) I figured I'd just have him walk on the edge of the pen and work on keeping Rebel there, but by the end of a half hour he was turning him in different directions, doing figure eights, and I started teaching him about 2-point and posting with the outside leg. I was beyond impressed and really quite proud of him.

As far as myself at the horses, I'm leasing Romeo for free (clysdale / quarter horse cross) and Rebel for a monthly fee. (paint / quarterhorse cross). They're both great in their own ways, but I will fully admit that I like working with Rebel a great deal more. I don't want to let either of them go, but in the next couple of weeks I think I really need to speak with Romeo's owner about no longer riding him. Both Romeo and Rebel have problems and steps in their training that need to be done and both levels of additional training I'm capable of doing. However, Romeo I'm not seeing any progress with and I rarely enjoy our ride together because of the struggle. Rebel is responding very well and is making leaps and bounds in his progress. In fact, Rebel and I will be going into our first competition in about 3 weeks. *huge smile* I'm incredibly excited to get back into the show circuit.

The job situation has unforunately not changed much. I'm still in the same job which works great for me. Dave is still mostly unemployed. I say mostly because our friend Tony did find him a job ... but it's commission only. Honestly I'm grateful for any additional financial help we have and at least this is something. His take home was $130 last week, untaxed, as he works as a contractor. We'll put money in our savings account from each check to make sure we're okay at the end of the year. In the meantime he is still submitting additional, non-stop resumes without any calls! I think that drives me the most crazy, if he'd at least get a couple of phone calls for interviews it would give us some hope, but there's literally NO response. I dunno, I should probably have my sister look over the cover letter and resume to see if she has any suggestions. We've been fairly financially stable for the last year and a half, so going back down to living paycheck to paycheck, barely paying the bills, questioning if there's enough to buy gas for the car, etc is very hard. Yet I do know there are many out there that have it worse than we do currently - I am able to lease a horse (thank goodness as it's been a huge source of happiness for me here) - we are able to buy groceries for the week.

So I just have to write at least a small blurb about my nephew. My perfect, adorable, wonderful nephew - who lives way way way to far away with his Mom. He's 8 months now and is just one of the most beautiful babies you will ever see. I love him more and more each time I see a new pic and video. He's sadly in Arizona, so I've only seen him twice since he was born, BUT, I'll be seeing him in December!!! I can't wait! I need to get some pictures into my blogger sometime soon.

The weekend was busy and I'm rolling into Monday again feeling a bit too tired and not revived from my weekend time. I wanted to get a lot done on the apartment this weekend and we did get a pretty good dent into stuff today. There's still SO much to do - but I can at least see the difference we made. Saturday I rode Rebel and gave Devon his lesson. Friday we went out to a local bar for Halloween. I ended up ordering and getting some bad food and getting pretty yucky sick by midnight, it was bad. Before the food came we had a good time playing darts and socializing with a couple of the people we'd met previously. I went in my belly dancing wear and was nice and comfy in my costume. Two hip scarves with jangles, an additional jangle chain, wide cotton embroidered scarf tied around my middle to hide the tummy area, long black flowy skirt, and a very boobly chole on top made up the outfit along with bright colored makeup, necklaces, braclets, and dangly earrings.

I think I covered all my subject. (checks above) Yes, it appears I did. Yay me. ;) Hmm, I'm craving cheese, I'm going to go get some cheese.

What are your nicknames? Zaudika, Z, Rach

What TV gameshow or reality show would you like to be on? I used to always want to be on "The Price is Right". Now I'm not too sure, they have a decorating show that I could see trying -- though I have no specific experience.

What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD? omg I have no idea. That was so long ago!

What is your favorite scent? I don't really have a favorite, I like very earthy scents and tropical scents though.

If you had one million dollars to spend only on yourself, what would you spend it on? Clothing, new matching furniture for the rooms in my house, a house on property with a barn. A horse or two. A ton ton ton of travel vouchers to use to see my family as much as I possibly can. Vacations to some of the places I've always wanted to go. Investiments.

What is one place you've visited, can't forget and want to go back to? Toss up between New Orleans and Vegas. I've been to Vegas once and we go to New Orleans every March. I've had an amazing time in both places and would love to continue and go back.

Do you trust easily? No.

Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think? I tend to lean a bit more towards acting before I think.

Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days? Yes.

Do you have a good body image? Not good, but working on it.

What is your favorite fruit? Pineapple

What websites do you visit daily? MySpace, Gmail, Yahoo, Craigslist

What have you been seriously addicted to lately? MySpace, to a ridiculous browsing amount. Silly really. That and craigslist, there are ALL kinds of things on there.

What's the last song that got stuck in your head? Hmm, not sure, thank goodness.

What is your favorite thing to wear? T-Shirt and jeans or comfi loose khakis.

Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy? They're okay. I had a craving the other day and got some, they weren't nearly as good as I remembered.

What would you do if you saw $100 lying on the ground? Depends on where I was. Most likely pick it up and keep it. If I was in a grocery store / department store I would go to Customer Service and ask if anyone had come by in regards to lost money. If it's in a wallet with ID then it's generally an easy return. (been there and done that as well) Just last night we were in the grocery store and they made an announcement that someone had dropped a fairly large amount of cash and asked that everyone look around them and bring it to the Customer Service desk.

What items couldn't you go without during the day? Couldn't? Like couldn't survive? Probably nothing. I think toilet paper is the one thing I would *REALLY* want to have. If we're talking comfort reasons - cellphone, hairbrush, water, food, and toilet paper.

What should you be doing right now? Relaxing. I've gotten a lot done this weekend.

Friday Fill-Ins

I really need to write soon and a lot more. I think I must write that about 50 times a year in blogs / journals / letters / etc. I'm always wanting to write more, but never take the time to sit down and do it.

Small meme:

1. My favorite food seasoning is curries. omg curries. Specifically Thai and Indian style curries. I'm also a huge fan of any type of food / soup that has a coconut milk base.

2. Laughter from a loved one is music to my ears.

3. Lucky is the name of one of our family dogs growing up. She's passed on now.

4. Abuse is something I take very seriously. All kinds. I offer support whenever I can, whether it be financially, physically, or emotionally.

5. Many people don't truly understand me.

6. Beef Jerky and Tums were the last things I bought at the store. (mini-mart stop)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to not much unfortunately; Halloween is my favorite of all favorite holidays, but it appears that the plans I had are gone at this point. Tomorrow my plans include seeing Rebel (one of my horses that I'm leasing -- HAPPY HAPPY!!!) and Sunday, I want to get some things done around the house and REST!

Time

Time is something I seem to not have a lot of ever anymore, it's one of the reasons and probably most of the reason I haven't been writing on my blog. Ideally I'd like to write more but I can't really say I'm going to right now as I really don't know.

Weight loss is slow, but continuing to move slow and steady which keeps me happy. The kids are good. The job is the same and moving along - staying stable which is a great thing. Dave is still looking but we've made a friend in town that is determined to really help him out and find him a job. (You're awesome Tony!)

I think it was mentioned in my previous blog, but I'm currently leasing two horses. Rebel and Romeo. It didn't really happen on purpose that way, but it is what it is and it takes up 5-6 of my 7 nights a week. Eeek!! I love it so much, but at the same time I know it's too much. One of them is without cost and I will likely be giving one of them up soon.

Game 7 of the Red Sox / Rays is on tonight, I'm of course routing for the Red Sox all the way! I'm hoping my boys will pull it through yet again. :) The game starts in 6 minutes and I promised I'd wake Dave from his nap on time, so off I go.

Handbag Contest

Okay this is cool. I like handbags and purses, it's one of my small obsessions - I do have bigger ones, lol.

New site for bags doing a give away promotion. To sign up, go here: http://www.handbagplanet.com/

No S&H, no Credit Card info needed -- only easy signup.

Saturday 9 - Friends

1. Who is your best friend? I have to list three, Mom, Dave, B

2. How did you meet? Birth, Internet, Work

3. How long have you known each other? Lifetime, 6 years, 4-5months I think

4. Have you traveled anywhere together? Yes, Yes, No

5. Did you ever have a problem over a romantic interest that you shared? No, Yes (lets not go there), No.

6. Have you ever not liked your best friend’s choice of lovers? No, Yes, Yes

7. How long since you have seen your best friend? 5 months, Minutes, 3 weeks

8. Do you remember each other on birthdays and holidays? Yes, Yes, So Far. :)

9. What is the biggest fight that you have ever had? Mom = I honestly can't remember. We don't really fight. Dave = About a month before we moved, started as procrastination and erupted into a huge fight. I stayed with a friend for a couple days while we worked things out. It's all good. B = haven't had any big fights, had a disagreement on Friday, but we talked through it.

Friends rock. Some of many. I don't -- but I absolutely cherish the ones I do have.

Wednesday Weirdness and other ramblings

I found a few of what are called "meme"'s recently through someone's site and I thought it might be fun to start doing a few of them. Basically you take the questionnaire from the blog site that sponsers them and then let them know that you've done it so others can read yours if they'd like. It works. :)

This one is from: http://wednesdayweird.blogspot.com/

1. Would you rather join the Ghostbusters to hunt ghosts or join the Sesame Street bunch? Why? Sesame Street, I always always loved Oscar the Grouch. I wanted to make him my friend and make him happy as a kid. He's still awesome - you all know he has a soft side. :)

2. What is the most you are willing to do to get out of a police officer giving you a ticket? Cry. Make excuses. Flirt. Explain. The majority of the time, if I've done something wrong, I'll suck it up. There was a time I got pulled over for driving without my seatbelt (right when the law started that they can visually pull you over for that). I *always* where my seatbelt. I had just quit my job due to a large dispute in the workplace, I was heartbroken and crying, I was way to worked up and forgot to buckle up. Good the cop pulled me over so I put it on. Bad on him for giving me the ticket when I explained and had obviously been crying for awhile. =P eeh.. whatever.

3. What popular movies do you find to be overrated? The Austin Power movies. I **HATE** them -- with a passion I can't express. Ugh. Bad Bad stupid movies.

4. What is in (and/or on) your bedside table? Lamp. Aloe lotion. Glass of water. Tums. Tylenol. Sleep meds. Pillow my son's family made for me. (he was adopted by a family at birth -- open adoption). Book I'm reading. Coaster my sis made me.

5. Have you ever had or fantasized about having sex with a boss before? Have you ever acted on that fantasy? Yes, fantasized about it. No, haven't acted upon it.

6. If you had a personal assistant, what would you have them do? OMG .. a *lot* right now. I'm assuming that if I have a personal assistant she can do anything or I have the money to also help her/him get people to do them. Organize unpacking my house. Help me make a schedule and encourage me to stick to it. Set my appointments for all my new doctors. Pick up my prescriptions. Answer the phone and take messages when I'm busy and one of my team calls. Clean Romeo's stall so I can just ride. (hey! why not?!). I'm sure I could think of another 10 things without a problem.

7. Have you ever faked static, loss of cell phone reception or anything else on the telephone line to get out of a conversation? hahaha.. yep. guilty.
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In daily life. I heard from a few of my Boston friends today. Emails and phone calls. I'm so glad they're keeping in touch. I'm having a really hard time reaching out right now, I'm having a hard time even responding sometimes. I replied to 3 of them today and was happy that I did. I was sad too. It made me think more of them, miss them more. I've got to cope eventually, deal with the loss, and try to focus on the positives. Easier said than done.

On a good note I did go and see a new psychiatrist yesterday. Shock of all shockers. I like her. I kind of knew I would when I walked into her private office. Earthy tones, all pictures black and white photography of trees, open pastures, and wrought iron gates. I loved her room. We talked a bit, she asked some questions, and I felt like she really took time for me. I like that. She changed around some meds - thank god - hopefully I'll see some changes soon. I loved my therapist in Boston, but did not like my psychiatrist. I really like this one and am hoping to find a therapist I like as well. It's just a very hard step for me to take to look for a therapist after having so many years of a connection with mine from Boston. I miss her a lot.

I went to the beach the first time this last Sunday, I'll try to write about that soon. I'm pretty tired at the moment though.

Sometimes I dont know what to put here?

Actually, a lot of the time I don't know what to put as a "Title", maybe I'll just start naming them, "Don't know what to put 1" then "2" then "3". It's a thought anyway.

Work was a bit frustrating today. I suppose right now in some ways it's frustrating every day. I miss my team!!! I still have them in a way, I talk to them, I message them, I email them; it's not even remotely the same. It's like staying in touch with one of your best friends verbally and internetly (Ooo, new word) without being able to see them. My team of 12 had become my friends and together my group. I liked each and every one of them for their individual qualities. I still do. I always will. I'm just really struggling with not having them in person! I can only hope I adjust over time, but right now I'm feeling like it's not going to be possible. I've considered a new job in the area, becoming a team leader / manager of a new department, god knows I have the experience to get hired... I'm just not ready for that step. I really don't know if I ever will take that step.

I saw Romeo again today, but didn't ride. We had some great horse / rider bonding time. After grooming him I walked him to the park by halter and lead and spent about a half hour brushing out his entire tail and mane while he grazed. I talked to him and he was his great self raising his head to stare at me every once in awhile before going back to his green grass. He can be very playful and has a great personality. I had given him some treats (horse cookies) when I first got to the barn and as we were walking to and from the park every once in awhile he's drop his head and nuzzle or lip at my pockets. He was *sure* that there must be another cookie around! Pinellas is an area about 10 minutes away from my apartment and it's full of homes with barns and small sized ranches. In walking the 2 blocks to the park Romeo got to visit several of his horse and pony friends on the way. If I'm not riding he's more than welcome to sniff noses and make horse whiny talk, but when I am riding not much visiting goes on. The last thing I need is two hyper horses deciding they might want to try and play, while I'm on his back! I did give a cookie to one of his horse friends, a cute young paint that looks a year or two old. Romeo was of course mortified and didn't sniff noses anymore with him once I did that. hahaha. He really is an added joy in my life right now. Tuesday I was frustrated because he had been bad during my entire visit. Today i'm overjoyed because we had a great day together. Just like any other animal, child or person they have their good days and bad days.

I got a ton of our clothes / shoes hung and put away today - one more small step to having an organized home. Each day small steps to hit our big goal. We'll get there someday.

We have a friend visiting from out of town this weekend. While the house is a mess, it's still going to be great to see a familiar face. Fleet is one of Dave's poker buddies. He came to our wedding, and came up to our place in Boston a couple of times, the majority of the time he lives in Texas so he tries to visit whenever he's in our area. It just so happens he'll be in the Florida area this weekend and is staying with us. Woo!

Tomorrow's Friday. Thank goodness!!!!!!

Time to write a bit

I've been in Largo, FL now for about 2 weeks and haven't written. I didn't write a lot in the few weeks before the move either. I think in some ways I wasn't writing because I didn't want to spew a lot of negativity. I've been struggling with this move in many ways -- from before I left, until now. There are positives, I'm trying to focus most on those.

Since being here a few things have happened both positive and negative.

Upon arriving our cable/internet was to be setup the same day. We waited from 3pm - 7pm, our scheduled time, no one showed. I called the company, Bright House, early the next morning in a bad mood as I was supposed to be at work as of 8am. Why hadn't they shown up? Well, it turns out they had no record of me, our address, or our account that was set up. In short, someone dropped the ball - lost the record, lost the information, or didn't enter it correctly. Thank the gawds I got a wonderful man on the phone that helped me calm down and stayed on the phone with me for good 1/2 hour while he worked out someone getting to our house that day, within a couple of hours. The company also took off a months worth of a bill to apologize for the inconvience.

So .. okay, internet is on, I'm at work. Computer starts to spaz. It's shutting down on it's own and then rebooting. Hmm, definitely not good. Very very long story cut into a much much shorter version. 1st computer = dead. Company mails second computer. Second computer = dead within 3 days. Systems management puzzles for 2 days on how this could've happened. I pull out my hair for a week losing my mind as I'm maybe able to work 2 hours out of 8 hours due to a computer shutting on and off. Conclusion to the 2nd dead computer -- installed a bad component from the 1st bad computer. Baaaaaad systems people. 3rd computer mailed with all new cables, 2 new widescreen flatscreen monitors (woot!), and all new software / hardware to go with it. Ahhhh, day 8 upon arriving, I have a working computer. Thank the gawds!!!

Prior to getting to Largo, FL; we spent a couple days in the Jacksonville area with a couple of friends from our past. Until tonight that was ranked as one of our positive and good experiences. We went sight-seeing, they took us to a nice dinner, we played with their funny and hyperactive silly dog. Sadly, I then read several days later - tonight - that it appears to have been a horrible experience for them that they'd like to never repeat. I'm confused, but asked for an explanation tonight. I can only hope that I get one. I'd truly like to understand.

A positive - prior to moving I had been emailing back and forth with a gal named Ashley in regards to her horse. He's an 8 year old clysdale/quarter house cross. He's huge, he's beautiful, and my goodness he's a handful! After speaking for a month she kept in contact with me until I got to Largo, FL so that I could start leasing, Romeo. (ok -- I didn't name him). The second day in FL I went to meet him and her, we hit it off, she was pleased with my riding and handling of him, and he's now my full responsibility 3 days a week. It's been great for me in many ways. 1st, I'm getting back into riding and it's a source of pure joy for me. 2nd, while I've been going through the difficult ups and downs over the last couple of weeks he's been a routine to continue forcing me out of the house. He's definitely not your run of the mill calm, bomb proof horse. He's a huge handful. He spooks, he disobeys, he fights back, but on most days he tries his best and eventually calms down and gets into a routine of work. Today was *not* one of those days that he calmed down - but I'm not going to get into that right now. Overall - he's been a very positive addition to my life. There's a large horse event / get together / get to know your neighbors, that I'm taking him to this upcoming Saturday. I'm really looking forward to it.

It's late, I'm fairly drained, and work will come early. I'm off to bed and praying that sleep will come for me tonight. (insomnia isn't my friend -- but it keeps trying to be).

ARRGGGHH!!!

I think this blog is going to be my source of rants over the next several weeks. For all those who are reading my ongoing blog, please don't think that I'm this angry, upset, pissed off, at life all the time. This is just a VERY stressful VERY emotional time for me.

Top 8 Things Pissing me the Fuck Off right now:
1) The move - let's just say #1 is the move!
2) The packing - nuff said.
3) My husband procrastinating.
4) My husband needing reminders for everything
5) Discovering 2 wonderful friends to late - I'm leaving!!!
6) Work - I love my job, I really really do, but this week has been HELL.
7) My therapist knowing me all to well and being right.
8) Not being able to see my therapist of 3 years anymore in 3 week.

Since we're doing that, why not do the 8 Things that make me Remotely Happy at the Moment:
1) Barbara and Meghan - the thoughts of leaving you two makes me want to cry.
2) Work - I love my team. How am I going to get by without you there to lift me up with your silly dances and big goofy smiles when it's a stress filled day?
3) Husband - for cuddles when I need them.
4) The huge bowl of ice cream I'm eating right now. (No Sugar Added Edy's)
5) The Angry Pharmacist (found through L's blog), for making me laugh tonight.
6) My Therapist - for knowing what I need and what needs to be said to make me think a bit better. Even when I don't like hearing it.
7) My family - for calling me, talking to me, lending advice.
8) My snakes - they always make me happy. They're my reptiloves.

Surprisingly writing that stuff out actually helped. Shock of all shockers. I've wanted to have a good cry for over a week now. The tears won't come. Can my body really withstanding holding this back? In 2 weeks when I have my last day in the office I know as well as everyone else that I'm going to completely break down. I had to emotionally/physically restrain myself from doing so when my boss and I talked about it last week. He asked how to move was coming, I looked up and him in all innocence and said, "not to well right now - I don't want to go", then proceeded to tear up, turn my head, and not speak so I didn't completely break down. He offered a few words of encouragement as a good boss who's known you for 5 years can do and moved on. The words and the moving along were both appreciated. The next day he sent an appreciation email about me to the team expressing how much he appreciated what I've taken on recently on top of my standard duties. I proceeded to quickly get up and go for a walk outside. Sure - I can cry like a baby while I'm at work but not at home? What the hell? One place I can't for work ethic reasons, the other place I can't physically.

I tried to sleep without medication last night. BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!! WRONG ANSWER!!! I slept like hell. There's a huge part of me that doesn't want to take the medication again tonight. I hate, loathe, and detest feeling reliant on a medication. Especially one that has instant reactions. I know it sounds ridiculous, but its the way I feel about it. I'm the same way about pain meds most of the time. (migraines are a huge exception - I'll take anything in that case).

After speaking with Meghan the other day I think overall right now I just feel like I'm taking on way to much. I think about what has to be done in the next 3 weeks and a literally, actual physical literally feeling nauseated. :( I have to say goodbye to friends, I have to packup at work, I have to packup at home, I need to talk to the utility companies in FL again, I need to talk and meet the movers, I need to make sure the house is completely ready to go, I need to finish planning our 'going away party' that I decided to host this Saturday (am I nuts!?!), I need to make sure we have help getting things down from storage, I need to visit a couple of friends 1 last time for now. Not to mention everything that must be done once getting to Florida. Dave needs to see specialists, find a job, arrange visitation with the boys, work out custody plans -- of course this all means that I'll be arranging for all of that to be done. I need to set up a home office, unpack, get the house organized, look for some form of furniture, and try not have a complete nervous breakdown. Nancy (therapist) agrees with Meghan, I'm trying to take on to much. My response -- who the hell else is going to do it!??! It has to be done. It all has to be done. AND .. even if I try to delegate some of it, I'll cause as much stress to myself worrying if its being done right.

If life is a class, I'm currently getting an "A" for effort but an "F" for feeling like the world is falling and failing around me.

Insomnia

I've suffered from insomnia on and off for most of my life. There are times it happens, 'just because', but the majority of the time it's stress, pressure, or extreme sadness. Pretty much when anything big is going on or about to happen.

Que move to Florida - Que insomnia that started about a week ago. I was lucky if I was getting more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. 3 or 4 hours of sleep equals a very bitchy, moody, up and down depressed, sometimes angry for no reason person.

I saw my therapist on Wednesday and confessed that I hadn't been taking Lorezapam to help getting to sleep. Lorazepam is an almost instant acting antianxiety strong sedative. In general if I'm starting to have an anxiety attack I take one. In previous years I took 2 to help me sleep through most of the night. Anyhow, I explained to my therapist of 3 years that I was worried about getting addicted. She laughed and told me how silly I was being. I finally agreed that yeah, I was being silly aboout it.

So Wednesday night I took 1 pill, no help really, I got to sleep, didn't stay asleep. Thursday night I skipped again, what can I say, I'm stubborn! Last night I was feeling kind of desperate as it had been a really bad day and it had been more than a week. I took 2. I want to sleep around 1am, woke up about 9:30am. HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! I feel better this morning than I have all week.

Moral of this story: STOP BEING STUBBORN!!!

I probably won't take it nightly up to the move, but likely a couple times a week if the pattern of no sleep remains the same. What's always funny to me is how itty bitty tiny winny the pills are for Lorazepam. 1 pill is a dose of 0.5mgs. I seem to be fairly sensitive to the med. I'm not sure how others handle the drug, but I'm sure there are others out there that are on higher doses to help them out.

Anyhow .. I'm thrilled I got the sleep because today Dave's family is treating us by going to Fenway Park!!! WOO!!! We wont be watching the Red Sox, instead we'll be watching the AAA Team, for those who dont know, in general these men are the up and coming Red Sox team. We have amazing seats, 4 rows behind home plate! Thank you Jim!!! (Dave's brother). I've never been to Fenway or a live baseball game so this will be a really awesome treat for me. :)

I've got to go hit the shower and head downstairs. Perhaps I'll write after.

Hard to let go

I've written a little bit about some of the things I'm losing by moving to Florida, but have done my best on and off not to dwell on it. I think the closer the move comes the more freaked out I'm going to get. As some people know, I really don't do big change well, at all. I'm feeling the loss today. We just had 9 new hires start in my department and for the next 2 weeks I get to do my favorite part of my job. Teach and train! There is SO much information packed into the first 2 weeks of an examiners life and it can be a very stressful time for a new hire. I love making it fun for them, I love keeping them interested, I love seeing their faces light up when something clicks, I love answering their questions, I love seeing them progress.. I really love it all. Well, I won't be teaching many classes as a telecommuter and today it sunk in and really hurt. The next 2 weeks will be wonderful at work; but it's going to also be a fairly constant reminder of what will be changing. *sigh*

Ok, enough of that, yes I'm a bit down, but here's a questionnaire I stole to distract my mind and give me something to do before bed.

What time did you get up this morning? 6:50am - get ready - 40mins to work

Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds, most definitely diamonds. I don't have many, but love the couple I have.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Mummy 3 this weekend. It was a fun and funny watch.

What is your favorite TV show? Right now, "So you Think you can Dance". Cheezy, yeah, BUT I love dancing and I love watching people dance. When the it's the right Season my favorite show is ER, but close runners are House and Grey's Anatomy.

What do you usually have for breakfast? 16oz iced decaf coffee. Fresh Egg white omelet with spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes, cheese, ham. It lasts me the morning and into the early afternoon. $3.50 for both at my cafeteria at work. Yum!

What is your middle name? May. Love it. Named after both my grandma's. Rachel and May.

What food do you dislike? There's not a whole lot I strongly dislike, but I'm not a big fan of liver, lima beans, or peas.

What is you favorite CD at the moment? Been listening to Avril Lavinge (sp) and Evanensence recently.

What kind of car do you drive? 2003 Toyata Matrix - it's been great to us. No complaints.

Favorite sandwich? Rueben has always been my favorite, but right now not eating something like that.

What characteristic do you despise? People who think it's okay to lie. Any lie is a problem, any lie is a mistake, I have huge trust issues. Even if you think it's going to hurt someone, tell the freaking truth for gawds sake. In the end, it works out better.

Favorite item of clothing? Capri's right now. Cause I could never wear them before. :)

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? LARGE toss up between Ireland and Thailand. I'm desperate to go to both.

Where would you retire to? Not sure. Somewhere close to family I think.

What was your most recent memorable birthday? Right now I'd say my most recent one was the most memorable. My memory is pretty well shot and messed up so most recent things are generally the most memorable. lol. Woke up to two huge bouqets of flowers on either side of the bed. Dave's family threw me a really nice birthday dinner home cooked by his brother. They bought me all kinds of presents - they totally went over the top. It was my first birthday with my family-in-laws and they made it really special. Dave got me the diamond studs that I wanted so badly. =)

Furthest place you are sending this? Not really sending it to anyone but I suppose anyone could read my blog from all over the world.

When is your birthday? May 25th

Morning person or a night person? Night person. I hate mornings.

What is your shoe size? 9ish, give or take 1/2 size depending on the maker of the shoe.

Pets? Two snakes, ball pythons. Lucien and Cynkane.

Any exciting news you’d like to share with us? The biggest excitement going on in life is I'm moving to Largo, FL in about 3 weeks. Exciting but scary as hell.

What did you want to be when you were little? Vet or horse trainer. Vet - stopped school at 2 years. Horse trainer - I've worked with several horses and riders, but it's not my profession. I'll be starting that up again in Florida which is something huge I'm looking forward to.

What is your favorite flower? Wildflowers. I looove all kinds of wildflowers. Standard flowers are Roses and Lilies. A mix of all 3 is always perfect.

What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to seeing? September 2nd. The move will be over and I can start to adjust to the new life instead of stressing over whats to come.

What are you listening to right now? Law and Order (I love the show too L!!!)

What was the last thing you ate? Tuna salad with rye triscuits. Tuna had onions, celery and walnuts chopped and mixed in.

Do you wish on stars? Sometimes. Once in awhile a passing by wish.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Midnight Blue - my favorite color. :)

How is the weather right now? I think it's around 60 outside, it's been a fairly cool day.

Last person you spoke to on the phone? My sister, Ris.

Favorite soft drink? Sometimes I'll still sip at a tiny bit of Diet Coke, one of my favs before surgery. Now my favorites are crystal light and sugar-free cocoa.

Favorite restaurant? Not Your Average Joes. They so rock. They have huge portions though. Now days when we go out to eat we generally do mexican.

Favorite color? Blue

What was your favorite toy as a child? Horse models of all types. :)

Summer or winter? Spring. Summer is too hot. Winter is too cold. =P

Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

Coffee or tea? COFFEE!!!!!!

When was the last time you cried? Today - saw my therapist, talked a lot about being so stressed recently and not sleeping.

What is under your bed? Not really sure. I know a couple of books, dunno what else.

What did you do last night? Watched TV. Slept.

Salty or sweet? Both. Right now, I'm enjoying dried blueberries, cranberries, and almonds. <------- agree="" completely="" i="" strong="" this.="" with="">

How many keys on your key ring? 3

How many years at your current job? Just celebrated my 5 years as well. July. :)

Favorite day of the week? Saturday.

Do you make friends easily? I wish I did. However, the friends I do have, my true friends, generally stay friends for quite a long time. :)

Just another day

It's for the most part been an uneventful weekend. More than anything Dave and I have been continuing to work at getting ready for our move. Yesterday we finished going through every stack, scrap, box, file folder, etc of papers that have been stacking up and sorted them all out. After about 5 hours of shredding, organizing, and writing tabs for file folders things are for the most part put in the places they should be. (yeah - we really let it get that far behind). Another time after we move I'd like to make a project of going through each category and organizing things by dates - but that isn't an urgent priority.

Today we finished going through all of the boxes from Dave's old storage unit. Thank GOODNESS! .. What a crazy insane process. I'd say that we either threw away or gave away a good half of what was there. About 70% of what we're keeping is packed and ready to go. The rest needs to be put in boxes and organized. The boxing tends to be more of my speciality. :) However, currently we need to pick up a few more.

We had to call the moving company and add on several more boxes to our total along with a few other misc. things I had forgotten. (sewing machine / ironing board) The cost of using a moving company makes my stomach churn, but I know in the long run it'll be worth it. It's about $600-800 more than what it would cost for us to rent a truck, drive the truck, and load/unload everything ourselves. The extra $600-800 is really worth not having to haul our furniture and boxes down 2 flights of stairs (current apt) and up another flight of stairs. (apt we're going to). Plus this way we can feel more relaxed about stopping by some friends houses along the way down to Florida.

It's amazing, the move is literally only a few weeks away and some part of my mind has still not completely wrapped around that this is really happening. I think that I'm taking in as much as I can at once -- perhaps to remain sane? Yeah, I think so.

Weight loss is slow but steady. Each week I generally lose at least a little bit. I have stalls here and there, but overall its evening out to 1-2 pounds a week. I know there's probably more that I could be doing, but with the stress recently it's been hard to concentrate on.

Tonight we went and saw Mummy 3, it was a fun watch. Nothing epic, but definitely fun. I love action flicks of all kinds and I like that the Mummy movies include a lot of humor. They've all been fun watches. One of Dave and I's favorite pass times is going out to the movies and we do it a LOT. In the last month we've also seen Dark Knight (amazingly good) and Hancock (we really enjoyed it). If something is out that we want to see we generally go each weekend or every other weekend. I get discount passes from work so it ends up being a fairly cheap date for us at $6 a person. It'll be a bit more inconvienant once we move but I'll still be able to mail a check up and have them mail passes down.

Speaking of work, there's a lot happening on that front too. I've been travelling to our offices in Portsmouth, NH and Windsor, CT quite a bit. We're getting my system at work all setup with the appropriate security software for me to take the computer off site. Papers to sign saying I'll continue being the great employee I am when working from home. ;) .. mostly legal stuff. Meetings with the bosses. Meetings with my team. I think it's actually very likely that leaving work is going to be the hardest part about this move for me. I spend the majority of my time at work! .. My team .. my work friends .. the people I hang out with at the bar afterwards. It makes me heart ache to leave it behind. No, it's not an "I think", it's an I know; leaving the people in my workplace will be by far the hardest thing - most of my friendships in Boston have been made there. Ok, enough of that - no getting teary at the moment. Gads I'm weepy recently. At least I tear up a lot. The actual crying hasn't happened quite yet. (oh it will..)

Overall other than being insanely busy life has been good. Dave and I have planned a trip to Six Flags for tomorrow. This is our 3rd time trying to go. Mother Nature seems to have it in for us. The weather always says it'll be gorgeous and BAM the day comes that we're going and it's all thunder and lightning. It was supposed to be 100% sunny tomorrow but now it's showing scattered storms between 1pm-6pm. Scattered storms we can deal with but we'll see when we checkout the forecast in the morning. Of course Tuesday shows sunny all day. *eyeroll* The weather has been nuts this summer. Thunder and lightning probably 4 to 5 out of 7 days a week constantly. I love storms .. so I don't mind it. It's just crazy how much it's been storming the last 1-2 months.

Anyhow, I've been babbling on for awhile now. Signing off to try and find sleep. (it's been eluding me recently)

I'm back! .. and bored now.

The pool party was fun - I love to swim so being in a pool for a couple hours was great. All the gals are a blast. We took a new pictures but I haven't downloaded them yet. Maybe that'll be something new to do. Does anyone have the problem when uploading pictures to the blog that it always sticks it in the very top??? No matter where I want it?? It's quite annoying. I can't move the picture, so then I have to move my text.

Stole this questionarre from one of my gals blogs. :) Thanks darlin'! :)

1) What do you add to your coffee? Non-Fat milk, splenda. Iced sometimes. Decaf all the time now. My favorite when I have the money is a Skinny, Decaf Cinnamon-Dolce Latte from Starbucks. Oh my yum.

2) What are you reading now? Book 5 of the Wheel-Of-Time series.

3) Do you own a gun? Nope. Dave has a shotgun, but it's not currently functional - it was his grandfathers.

4) Are you registered to vote? Actually no. *ducks* I've never registered for a ridiculous reason. Never been called for Jury Duty or any other government thing. I will agree with Obama in '08!! .. and he will likely be what finally makes me register.

5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Most of the time not anymore. Used to though.

6) What do you think of hot dogs? Eh.. like them once in awhile, but not usually.

7) Favorite Christmas Song? Silver Bells and White Christmas. Love them.

8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Hot cocoa or coffee

9) Can you do push ups? HAHAHA! ..no.

10) What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Uhmmmm.. first serious one, Brandon.

11) What’s your favorite piece of jewelery? My engagement ring. Platinum Tacori Ring, large dark blue sapphire round cut in the center with square cut (princess) diamonds lining the sides. Filigree on the sides of the ring. Dave did good. (although I did pick it out .. hehe).

12) Favorite hobby? Horseback riding, thank gawd I'm starting up again in Florida. Reading. Swimming. Scrapbooking. I can't pick just one. :)

13) Do you work with people who idolize you? Not really? Maybe? I kind of think if they idolized me it'd be odd. Most of my team really like me though. :)

14) Do you have ADD? Nope.

15) What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? Lack of self confidence when it comes to being around men I don't know. Drives me nuts. I'm getting better though.

16) What’s your Middle name? May

17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? My middle name is my Grandmothers name. (see last question). Answering this question. Honey is sleeping.

18). Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Uhmmmmm.. thinking. Oh .. we went out to lunch. So, a beer, a margarita, and burrito. (not all for me).

19) Name 3 beverages you regularly drink? Iced coffee, crystal light, other random pre-flavored waters.

20) Current worry right now? Our move.

21) What side do you dress to? I'm not sure what this means either? If it's supposed to be one size?? Currently about an 18.

22) Favorite place to be? Home usually. Otherwise out with friends.

23) How did you bring in the New Year? Uhm.. crap. I can't remember. We did something ..

24) Where would you like to go? Arizona. I'd like to see my Mom, sister and nephew right now. I miss them all the time.

25) Name three people who will complete this? L already did, so no one else most likely. :) Unless I post it on MySpace too.

26) Whose answers do you want to read the most? Already read them. :) On L's

27) What color shirt are you wearing? hehe.. none. I'm usually a nudist when I'm at home. lol.

28). Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Ewww.. no. Definitely not. We have two sets of 1000 count sheets we got from our Wedding. LOVE them.

29) Can you whistle? Yep, but not loudly.

30) Favorite colors(s)? Blue Blue Blue! :) Silver and Black as well.

31) Could you be a pirate? What a funny question. Sure! ... Why not! As long as I don't have to go into water I can't see the bottom of.

(side thought -- we interupt this questionnaire to say HOLY CRAP we're having a massive thunderstorm!!!!!! It ROCKS!!! ..

32) What songs do you sing in the shower? None that I can think of

33) Favorite girls name? I like Samantha a lot and I've always loved Rachel and Rebekah. :) Go figure .. mine and my sister's name.

34) Favorite boy’s name? Carter, Connor, Keith are a few.

35) What’s in your pocket right now? No pockets - I'm nekkid.

36) Last thing that made you laugh? Getting stuck in a little kids innertube this afternoon. LOL .. I just HAAAD to squeeze my shoulders through it one at a time. Dave had to pull it off. lmao. I'm such a silly dork sometimes.

37) Best bed sheets as a child? No clue. I think I had all solid colored sheets.

38). Worst injury you’ve ever had? Uhm, wow. I've had a few. The most painful was probably turning my ankle. I hairline fractured the ankle bone and tore two ligaments or tendons.. don't remember which now. I've broken several bones.. but tearing the tissue was by far the worst pain I've ever ever felt. My ankle still isn't the same. If I step wrong it turns over a bit still. Very frustrating. :P

39) Do you love where you live? No, it's way to expensive and I don't like the snow. I do love the people that I'm with around here though.

40) How many TVs do you have in your house? One in our apartment. Other's throughout our family's house below us.

41) Who is your loudest friend? Literally loud? Probably Dave. He's shy at times, but he get's literally loud a lot of the time when he talks. It's a habit formed because of my father-in-law being partially deaf.

42) How many dogs do you have? None. :( We're hoping to get one when we move to Florida though! :)

43) Does anyone have a crush on you? Dunno. Possibly?

44) What are the most fun things you ever did? Hmm.. camping with 1000's of people in Lumberton, MS. (SCA thing each Spring - best times ever). Flashing in New Orleans. :) LOL. With my lovely husband and his big burly friend to protect me. Deep sea fishing on our honeymoon. (even though we didn't catch anything). Probably many other things, but I can't think of others right now.

45) What are your favorite books? I dont have any huge favorites. I read a lot, but usually only read a book once. I did love the Gunslinger series from Stephen King - even though the very end kind of sucked. And a sci-fi series that was called Mallorean I believe.. that was an awesome series that I never wanted to end.

46) What is your favorite candy? Dark Chocolate now. It's one of the only ones I can eat. Preop, Twix.

47) Favorite Team? Patriots, Red Sox, and Mariners

48). What songs do you want played at your funeral? Up to my family on the songs or if they want to do a funeral. They know that I want to be cremated though and dumped somewhere that there are horses.

49) What were you doing at 12 AM? Sleeping

50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? What time is it?

Thunderstorm is over now ... booooooooo!.. I love storms.