It's a short post ... sorry, I just haven't felt much like writing recently.
Christmas was good. My sister asked me to describe the day to her in 3 words; I believe I said, "fun, great, and lonely." It was SO wonderful to have my Mom with me. I'm still enjoying her company now. However, I'm used to a big family, lots of happiness, lots of nice, lots of hugs, lots of tradition, lotsa lotsa lotsa. I missed it this year. I took for granted the couple of times in the last few years that I spent Christmas Day with Dave's family -- I had lonely moments then as well, but it was still a larger adult group and we had a lot of fun. I really am working to not focus on the negative but I seem to use my blog to vent a lot. It was really amazing to have the boys on Christmas morning, it was a good time and they were loud and silly and excited. I'm glad that Lisa (Dave's ex-wife) was so kind to let us have them Christmas Eve and morning.
Anyways, I'll likely write more about all this sometime soon. It's midnight and Dave, Mom, and myself need to head off to bed.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Manic Monday #147
http://manicmondaymeme.blogspot.com/
If you were at a friend’s house for a holiday dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? If it's a friend, tell her / him. I wouldn't want them to be eating anything that might have come in contact with it either! I'd try to make her / him be at ease by trying to laugh it off. Here in Florida cockroaches happen sometimes, even when your house is spotless.
If you could put anyone you know on Prozac, who would you choose? Uhm. No one. Mental medication needs to be a personal choice and something worked out with your Doctor to be the right med and the right doseage. Now .. if I'm being sarcastic and silly .. I'd say my ex. hehe.
How do you feel about public displays of affection? Love it. As long as it's not overboard. Holding hands, peck kisses, sitting next to each other, etc. People who blantantly maul each other in public and make out like crazy, need to wait to get home or get a room!
If you were at a friend’s house for a holiday dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? If it's a friend, tell her / him. I wouldn't want them to be eating anything that might have come in contact with it either! I'd try to make her / him be at ease by trying to laugh it off. Here in Florida cockroaches happen sometimes, even when your house is spotless.
If you could put anyone you know on Prozac, who would you choose? Uhm. No one. Mental medication needs to be a personal choice and something worked out with your Doctor to be the right med and the right doseage. Now .. if I'm being sarcastic and silly .. I'd say my ex. hehe.
How do you feel about public displays of affection? Love it. As long as it's not overboard. Holding hands, peck kisses, sitting next to each other, etc. People who blantantly maul each other in public and make out like crazy, need to wait to get home or get a room!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Unconscious Mutterings #308
I found this through someone elses website, that I found through Sunday Stealing. I think I just need to write tonight and so it was another thing for me to do.
I say ... and you think ... ?
Hopefully the first thing that came to my mind didn't have to be just one word. I suppose I get to play how I decide to play here.
I say ... and you think ... ?
- Carpet :: rug burn
- Bottoms :: underwear
- Music :: hate
- Nails :: nine inch nails the band
- Watch it! :: don't fall through that plate glass window
- Your life :: sucks right now
- Candies :: hard candy, I don't like it
- Chafing :: bikini line
- Svelte :: no idea what this means
- Ding :: on the head with a 5 pound dumbell
Hopefully the first thing that came to my mind didn't have to be just one word. I suppose I get to play how I decide to play here.
Sunday Stealing Meme from the Screaming Masses
Who knows, maybe it'll bring some cheer.
1. What is a nickname a former (or present) lover gave you? Yummycheeks.
2. How do you style your hair? If you just would say "cut" what style is it? I don't really style my hair. I wash it, I brush it when it's dry. I've never been big on doing anything with it. It's a bit longer than shoulder length, parted on one side or the other depending on how I flip it.
3. What's your least favorite Christmas song? Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. It's an annoying song.
4. How many colors are you wearing now? 3 or 5, depending on if you count the different shades. 2 shades of blue, 2 shades of red, and silver. My t-shirt has a some crazy designs and says "Girls Against Boys".
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert? A mixture of both. It really depends on the time and the people I'm around.
6. What was the last book you read? Currently reading Book 10 in the Wheel of Time Series. Last one read was Book 9.
7. What's one piece of fiction that changed your life? Honestly, I'm not sure, I can't think of anything like that right now.
8. If you are attracted to someone who is already in a relationship (or married), what might do you do? Nothing, other than be their friend.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently? HA! .. a lot, see previous post.
10. What's your favorite dessert? Cheesecake, all kinds.
11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? About 30 seconds. I work from home, I roll out of bed and onto the computer. If I'm going somewhere, about 20-30 minutes.
12. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it? yahoo.com and gmail.com for my emails.
13. What was your last job before either you are at home or at another job?? Last job before my current was working for Pampered Chef as a Consultant. I've considered starting up again, I was just way to busy at the time.
14. Do you like to clean? In general, no. When I'm stressed or upset, it helps relax me.
15. What was the last song to get stuck in your head? A stupid Christmas song that I made up in my mind this morning, it was crazy.
16. What's the last movie you saw? In the theatre or at home? Theatre: Transporter 3. Home: Pineapple Express at my sisters house.
17. Pirates or Ninjas? Pirates (as Dave states) are way to over done right now, however, I do prefer them over ninjas.
18. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday? Take all my medication.
19. Best time of your life? It's hard to choose a time. Partially because I've been through so many rough things and partially because I'm feeling so negative right now. First thing I can think of, I was single for 2 years prior to meeting Dave and learned a lot about my own independence.
20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming year? Continued weight loss and the slight glimmer of hope that maybe.. just maybe.. we'll become financially stable again at some point in the year.
1. What is a nickname a former (or present) lover gave you? Yummycheeks.
2. How do you style your hair? If you just would say "cut" what style is it? I don't really style my hair. I wash it, I brush it when it's dry. I've never been big on doing anything with it. It's a bit longer than shoulder length, parted on one side or the other depending on how I flip it.
3. What's your least favorite Christmas song? Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. It's an annoying song.
4. How many colors are you wearing now? 3 or 5, depending on if you count the different shades. 2 shades of blue, 2 shades of red, and silver. My t-shirt has a some crazy designs and says "Girls Against Boys".
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert? A mixture of both. It really depends on the time and the people I'm around.
6. What was the last book you read? Currently reading Book 10 in the Wheel of Time Series. Last one read was Book 9.
7. What's one piece of fiction that changed your life? Honestly, I'm not sure, I can't think of anything like that right now.
8. If you are attracted to someone who is already in a relationship (or married), what might do you do? Nothing, other than be their friend.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently? HA! .. a lot, see previous post.
10. What's your favorite dessert? Cheesecake, all kinds.
11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? About 30 seconds. I work from home, I roll out of bed and onto the computer. If I'm going somewhere, about 20-30 minutes.
12. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it? yahoo.com and gmail.com for my emails.
13. What was your last job before either you are at home or at another job?? Last job before my current was working for Pampered Chef as a Consultant. I've considered starting up again, I was just way to busy at the time.
14. Do you like to clean? In general, no. When I'm stressed or upset, it helps relax me.
15. What was the last song to get stuck in your head? A stupid Christmas song that I made up in my mind this morning, it was crazy.
16. What's the last movie you saw? In the theatre or at home? Theatre: Transporter 3. Home: Pineapple Express at my sisters house.
17. Pirates or Ninjas? Pirates (as Dave states) are way to over done right now, however, I do prefer them over ninjas.
18. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday? Take all my medication.
19. Best time of your life? It's hard to choose a time. Partially because I've been through so many rough things and partially because I'm feeling so negative right now. First thing I can think of, I was single for 2 years prior to meeting Dave and learned a lot about my own independence.
20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming year? Continued weight loss and the slight glimmer of hope that maybe.. just maybe.. we'll become financially stable again at some point in the year.
Life - is it like this for everyone?
I really have to wonder, is life tough for everyone most of the time? Is there ever a point of contentment when there isn't stress of some sort every single day? I think I need to speak to some older people and ask. If this is the constant, I'm not sure how the majority of the population makes it to old age.
Sometimes I really hate myself when I whine, I know so many people have it harder. I know there are people homeless, people being abused, people permanently disabled, people living in a nursing home from a young age for the rest of their lives. What right do I have to bitch about my constant state of discontent.
I have good moments, I have good hours, I even occasionally have a full day that I make it through without negative thoughts. Overall though, stress and discontent seems to rule my life right now.
We moved here 4 months ago and yet I still having f'ing boxes all throughout the house. Against the wall in my livingroom, my diningroom, my spare bedroom, my closet, my bedroom; really, every room except the kitchen and the bathroom. I hate it, I hate living with clutter, yet I find no motivation to work on it when half the time if feels like only my motivation. Dave is a procrastinator (as am I at times), but worst of all I have to push and push and push to get help around the house if extra things need to be done. Tomorrow, yet again, will be one of those days. I've no doubt that we'll be angry at each other at some point.
Money, we have none. Literally in fact!!! Our accounts are completely overdrawn effective today and effective yesterday, both of our major credit cards are to the maximum limit. HOORAY! Financial hell! Dave gets his first paycheck tomorrow (hopefully - it's coming by mail) which will be for 1 week at his whoopin' $6 that 'fuck you very much' Sears pays him. I get paid on this upcoming Friday, but our rent is due the 1st of the month which will use up the entire check. We haven't paid our electric bill or car payment which are already late, and our credit cards, cell phone, and ring payment are all due by the 1st of the month! Oh yes, and we of course have child support that we need to make sure is there on time as well!
I currently want to give up, to crawl into a hole and disappear from life, to let go of everything and just not care. I'm SO tired of taking all of this on! I'm SO angry at the moment that we made this move to Florida! Right now, kids or no kids, I don't care, I want stability!
I hate this.
Sometimes I really hate myself when I whine, I know so many people have it harder. I know there are people homeless, people being abused, people permanently disabled, people living in a nursing home from a young age for the rest of their lives. What right do I have to bitch about my constant state of discontent.
I have good moments, I have good hours, I even occasionally have a full day that I make it through without negative thoughts. Overall though, stress and discontent seems to rule my life right now.
We moved here 4 months ago and yet I still having f'ing boxes all throughout the house. Against the wall in my livingroom, my diningroom, my spare bedroom, my closet, my bedroom; really, every room except the kitchen and the bathroom. I hate it, I hate living with clutter, yet I find no motivation to work on it when half the time if feels like only my motivation. Dave is a procrastinator (as am I at times), but worst of all I have to push and push and push to get help around the house if extra things need to be done. Tomorrow, yet again, will be one of those days. I've no doubt that we'll be angry at each other at some point.
Money, we have none. Literally in fact!!! Our accounts are completely overdrawn effective today and effective yesterday, both of our major credit cards are to the maximum limit. HOORAY! Financial hell! Dave gets his first paycheck tomorrow (hopefully - it's coming by mail) which will be for 1 week at his whoopin' $6 that 'fuck you very much' Sears pays him. I get paid on this upcoming Friday, but our rent is due the 1st of the month which will use up the entire check. We haven't paid our electric bill or car payment which are already late, and our credit cards, cell phone, and ring payment are all due by the 1st of the month! Oh yes, and we of course have child support that we need to make sure is there on time as well!
I currently want to give up, to crawl into a hole and disappear from life, to let go of everything and just not care. I'm SO tired of taking all of this on! I'm SO angry at the moment that we made this move to Florida! Right now, kids or no kids, I don't care, I want stability!
I hate this.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Friday Fill-Ins #103
I like this meme, it's fun because you can be serious in your answers, or let the creative juices flow and say outright silly things.
The direction for this meme was to fill in the correct lyrics, or make up ones of your own. I think I'm going to chose the later option, it goes with my mood.
1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, sleep baby sleep.
2. The first Noel, the angel did say, the world will at some point completely change the meaning of this day.
3. Sing, run, laugh and play, over the hills and everywhere.
4. It came upon the midnight clear, a spaceship! .. I swear!
5. Coronary Bypass Graft x3 and , Let your heart be light.
6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing over and over again until it drives them crazy and they ring you on the head with a steel pipe.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to rest, tomorrow my plans include relaxation and Rebel, and Sunday, I want to meet with the trainer that did so well with Rebel before. It's in the works!
The direction for this meme was to fill in the correct lyrics, or make up ones of your own. I think I'm going to chose the later option, it goes with my mood.
1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, sleep baby sleep.
2. The first Noel, the angel did say, the world will at some point completely change the meaning of this day.
3. Sing, run, laugh and play, over the hills and everywhere.
4. It came upon the midnight clear, a spaceship! .. I swear!
5. Coronary Bypass Graft x3 and , Let your heart be light.
6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing over and over again until it drives them crazy and they ring you on the head with a steel pipe.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to rest, tomorrow my plans include relaxation and Rebel, and Sunday, I want to meet with the trainer that did so well with Rebel before. It's in the works!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Oh "F" this.
What a day from hell. What a world full of hell - at least it sure seems like it at the moment. I'm listening to hate music and I'm going to write for a bit, that's part of what this blog is for, right?
-Dave is angry and depressed, he doesn't want to talk. I don't know why.
-Rebel acted messed up tonight, that was kind of expected, he hasn't seen me in a week.
-My best friend has split with her boyfriend. They're both hurting and it's hard as hell to try and sit back on my heels and stay out of it. I care about them both and loved them together. I have no idea if it will work out but right now I have such a strong emotional connection with this friend I feel like I'm feeling part of her hurt and pain.
-Work has so much drama going on right now it could become it's own highschool play.
Annnnnnnnnnnnd... I have a phone call from my dear friend referenced above. No more long ranting for now.
-Dave is angry and depressed, he doesn't want to talk. I don't know why.
-Rebel acted messed up tonight, that was kind of expected, he hasn't seen me in a week.
-My best friend has split with her boyfriend. They're both hurting and it's hard as hell to try and sit back on my heels and stay out of it. I care about them both and loved them together. I have no idea if it will work out but right now I have such a strong emotional connection with this friend I feel like I'm feeling part of her hurt and pain.
-Work has so much drama going on right now it could become it's own highschool play.
Annnnnnnnnnnnd... I have a phone call from my dear friend referenced above. No more long ranting for now.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Wednesday Weirdness #34
A meme that always has some of the most off the wall questions! http://wednesdayweird.blogspot.com/
1. What is the one sexual act you would never do? Anything involving kids or scat.
2. Is there anyone you know, that if they turned out to be a serial killer you would not be surprised? Uhm, no.
3. What is the most annoying thing about the holiday season for you? The large crowds and not being able to move through stores.
4. If you saw a video of your celebrity crush picking their nose, would that change your opinion of their hotness? Nope, I don't think it would.
5. What is the one non-sexual thing you would be embarrassed to be caught doing? Singing and dancing around the room by myself.
6. A favorite blogger friend wrote a column about the one word that really turns her on. Do you have a word or phrase that does the same for you? What is it? Not one that I'm going to share here. :)
7. As someone who ran a virtual cookie exchange, I have to ask what your favorite cookie is? Chewy chocolate chip
1. What is the one sexual act you would never do? Anything involving kids or scat.
2. Is there anyone you know, that if they turned out to be a serial killer you would not be surprised? Uhm, no.
3. What is the most annoying thing about the holiday season for you? The large crowds and not being able to move through stores.
4. If you saw a video of your celebrity crush picking their nose, would that change your opinion of their hotness? Nope, I don't think it would.
5. What is the one non-sexual thing you would be embarrassed to be caught doing? Singing and dancing around the room by myself.
6. A favorite blogger friend wrote a column about the one word that really turns her on. Do you have a word or phrase that does the same for you? What is it? Not one that I'm going to share here. :)
7. As someone who ran a virtual cookie exchange, I have to ask what your favorite cookie is? Chewy chocolate chip
Monday, December 15, 2008
Manic Monday #146
Found Here - http://manicmondaymeme.blogspot.com/ - for those who might want the link back.
Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after having used it? I have, because sometimes you use something and it breaks. I don't believe I've ever bought something and returned it after using it and the item was still just fine.
You are going out for the evening. If your partner objects to what you are wearing, would you change your clothing? Most definitely. My husband is complimentary and if he objects to something I know it's because something is very wrong with it.
What item that you don’t currently possess would you most like to have in your home? Oooo.. that's a hard choice. Top of my list, all new and matching furniture for each room. If it has to be a singular item I'd say a PS3.
Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after having used it? I have, because sometimes you use something and it breaks. I don't believe I've ever bought something and returned it after using it and the item was still just fine.
You are going out for the evening. If your partner objects to what you are wearing, would you change your clothing? Most definitely. My husband is complimentary and if he objects to something I know it's because something is very wrong with it.
What item that you don’t currently possess would you most like to have in your home? Oooo.. that's a hard choice. Top of my list, all new and matching furniture for each room. If it has to be a singular item I'd say a PS3.
Bettie Page - RIP lovely woman
She was an icon, she was beautiful, she was sensual, and she stands out in my mind as one of my heroes. She went against the tide, believed in herself, and didn't conform to society. In her later years she gave up modelling, her bikinis, and her lingerie (as they say) and became a Christian woman, but this in itself isn't a negative thing and no one should see it as such. It was simply a change that she wished to make. I haven't read a word that stated she ever regretted her past and I truly believe she never did.
My God she was an amazing woman.
RIP Bettie Page, I'll always remember you, your beauty and spirit.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Sunday Stealing: The Christmas Meme
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Almost always wrapping paper. I *love* wrapping presents. Family and friends recruit my help if I'm close by.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Real, real, real, and more real. Nothing can replace the wonderful fresh smell of pine. I've used tiny artificial trees at work before, but I try to always use a fresh one at home.
3. When do you put up the tree? Couple of weeks after Thanksgiving usually.
4. When do you take the tree down? Within a week after Christmas.
5. Do you like eggnog? Nope. That whole raw egg thing has always kind of grossed me out. Overall I'm really not a big fan.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Hm, that's a hard one. I don't remember most of my childhood. I do remember the year my parents bought us the original Nintendo, there was some extreme excitement that morning!
7. Hardest person to buy for? Dad-in-law and Brother-in-law.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Any of my sisters or Mom. They always provide great lists.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither actually; this year I'm going to try and send a few out for the first time.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? The first thing that comes to mind was a gift exchange I was doing with a group of women... I actually can't remember what the group was for, perhaps the young woman's group for church. Anyway, one of the women bought and brought a sweater that was a size medium and you guessed it, I picked that gift. I was a size XL and didn't come close to fitting in it. Kind of random and weird that someone would buy that kind of a gift for an exchange.
12. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Hmm.. I love spiral ham.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? As soon as possible! .. Generally I try to start buying main gifts up to a couple of months prior to Christmas.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? You mean regifting? Heh.. yeah.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? The different appetizers and candies my Mom would always home make. Cheese balls, salmon dip, coconut joys, almond roca, etc.
16. Lights on the tree? Always! Always a solid color, generally white. I've done just red before too.
17. Favorite Christmas song? "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" and "Silver Bells"
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel. My family lives all over the place.
19. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star. We've always done stars as a family and had a tradition every year to go out and buy a new star.
20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Family tradition has always been that we open one present Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas morning. I like the tradition and will probably always stick with it.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Real, real, real, and more real. Nothing can replace the wonderful fresh smell of pine. I've used tiny artificial trees at work before, but I try to always use a fresh one at home.
3. When do you put up the tree? Couple of weeks after Thanksgiving usually.
4. When do you take the tree down? Within a week after Christmas.
5. Do you like eggnog? Nope. That whole raw egg thing has always kind of grossed me out. Overall I'm really not a big fan.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Hm, that's a hard one. I don't remember most of my childhood. I do remember the year my parents bought us the original Nintendo, there was some extreme excitement that morning!
7. Hardest person to buy for? Dad-in-law and Brother-in-law.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Any of my sisters or Mom. They always provide great lists.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither actually; this year I'm going to try and send a few out for the first time.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? The first thing that comes to mind was a gift exchange I was doing with a group of women... I actually can't remember what the group was for, perhaps the young woman's group for church. Anyway, one of the women bought and brought a sweater that was a size medium and you guessed it, I picked that gift. I was a size XL and didn't come close to fitting in it. Kind of random and weird that someone would buy that kind of a gift for an exchange.
12. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Hmm.. I love spiral ham.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? As soon as possible! .. Generally I try to start buying main gifts up to a couple of months prior to Christmas.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? You mean regifting? Heh.. yeah.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? The different appetizers and candies my Mom would always home make. Cheese balls, salmon dip, coconut joys, almond roca, etc.
16. Lights on the tree? Always! Always a solid color, generally white. I've done just red before too.
17. Favorite Christmas song? "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" and "Silver Bells"
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel. My family lives all over the place.
19. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star. We've always done stars as a family and had a tradition every year to go out and buy a new star.
20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Family tradition has always been that we open one present Christmas Eve and the rest Christmas morning. I like the tradition and will probably always stick with it.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Friday Fill-in
1. Friends, I don't have many, but those I do have I cherish.
2. My health; it's pretty decent.
3. I'm ready for sleep. I seem to be tired a lot recently.
4. Cool water is one of my favorite perfumes or aftershaves or smells.
5. The oldest ornament I have is my son's 1st Christmas ornament (that his parents sent me) is the oldest I own I believe.
6. Take some sugar, cinnamon, bread, butter, and toaster mix it all together and you have cinnamon toast! (I know, random)
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending more time with my family, tomorrow my plans include spending time with my family and Sunday, I want to spend more time with my family!
2. My health; it's pretty decent.
3. I'm ready for sleep. I seem to be tired a lot recently.
4. Cool water is one of my favorite perfumes or aftershaves or smells.
5. The oldest ornament I have is my son's 1st Christmas ornament (that his parents sent me) is the oldest I own I believe.
6. Take some sugar, cinnamon, bread, butter, and toaster mix it all together and you have cinnamon toast! (I know, random)
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending more time with my family, tomorrow my plans include spending time with my family and Sunday, I want to spend more time with my family!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Couple of updates
First and most exciting. I hit onederland!!!!!!!!!!!! I cried a little. I had Dave grab the camera and take a picture of the scale. I need to take some new pictures of myself and get them up. Before and afters and all that. This journey has been full of ups and downs, but it is all worth it and I'd do it 1000 times over. I have less than 40 pounds to goal and I will continue to work with my tool until I get there.
In other news, I got in a bad horseback riding accident with Rebel two nights ago. The good news, nothing is broken. I got incredibly lucky. The bad news. I hurt everywhere! It's similar to having whiplash in my back after a car accident, except my arms and left shoulder are also killing me. Rebel is very very well trained at a walk/trot and has come so far in the last 3 months. His trot used to be out of control - fast / slow / fast / slow - head up in the air, nuts really. However, long hard work has resulted in him getting better and better and he's lovely to ride at a walk/trot now.. His canter on the other hand we've mostly not touched. It's not only out of control, it's dangerous. When I'm working with him, even though I'm functioning as his trainer, I always make sure someone else is on site and close by if I'm going to canter. We're working on it, but he is still dangerous at it. To give a little background, the problem is that Rebel used to be a barrel racer. His owner would do nothing but get on his back and run run run at a dead run. This has resulted in his mind not understanding anything but head-on, dead to the bit, mind-blowing, muscle tensed hard running with no control. Someone would think, "well just pull him back and force him into control," but unfortunately it doesn't work that way when he's had 7 years of the other engraved into his head. It will take months, possibly more to fix. Anyhow, generally I canter him in the round-pen, it forces him to have some control and eliminates the possibility of him grabbing the bit in his teeth and pulling the control from me. Frankly, where's he going to go? Other than in a small circle around and around. This is why round-pens are used a lot in training. He's been slowly improving but has a long way to go. My error in the accident is that I trusted we had made enough progress to take him into the field arena. (much larger, tons of room, trees, bushes, etc). Earlier in the day I did it with no other horses in the arena and he did pretty well. Mostly out of control, but we had a few moments that he maintained a steady pace. So.. okay. We continue to ride with others at a walk/trot and we're finishing up for the day, I decide it'd be good to end the day with one last round of cantering. (I really have to say each time I say canter its like a joke since I think of a canter as calm and controlled and his is far from it). Anyhow, 3 other horses in the arena, I move him into the canter and he tweaks, almost running over the top of the other horses. This results in some serious, "WTF"'s from all of us, a punishing tight circle to bring him back into control, and a comment from me of "sorry guys, let me try that one more time." This in general wasn't a mistake; like training with other animals, if they do something incredibly wrong, you don't stop on that note, you try again until you get it right. I truly thought there would be no problem in asking him for the canter again, afterall, he had done it semi-controlled 4 or 5 times an hour previous, right? .. wrong. I ask him for the canter and for the 1st time since 3 months ago he does the worst thing that can happen on horseback; he bolted, causing me to pull the bit back, causing him to be able to clamp his teeth down on it, eliminating all of my control. He made 1 dead run aruond the arena, the other women knew from watching that he was out of control but were helpless to do anything. I've got both hands on one rein trying pull the bit out of his control and force his head sideways so I can get him to stop. (tight circles equal emergency stops) Within seconds it was all over, the other gals screamed as he ran headlong straight into a tree. My last desperate thought before impact was that he was going to kill himself by hitting it head first. However he turned his head at the last moment so it hit his neck and then his shoulder; bringing us from a dead-run down to a crashing stop. I flew from his back into the side of the tree, hitting my head, left shoulder, and left arm, scratching the hell out of the arm. The force of the impact bounced me back into his saddle which was the biggest oddity of it. We were both very dazed to say the least. I refused the call for the ambulance as soon as I found that no bones were broken, the scratchs were bleeding, but nothiing serious. I do realize now that with the adrenaline pumping I probably felt very little of the pain, though I still don't think I needed to be taken to the ER. Anyhow --- in hindsight, I still don't know what happened. We know he took off obviously, but why? and then why run head on into the tree? That night it was all about us calling him a stupid f'ing animal, but now it just bugs me. I sincerely wish there were better ways to communicate with our animals.
Frustrating news, Dave had an interview with AT&T today, he thought he did really well. Within a couple of hours he had an email saying, Thanks but No Thanks. *sigh* It's really hard not to get your hopes up when a good interview comes and we were really hoping it was finally time for him to find a good job. All that can be done is to continue looking, continue trying. For now he is working at Sears, part-time, which we're grateful for, it will help us make the ends meet temporarily. Though I still can't believe they get away with paying people $6 an hour. All because they have 1% commission... woo. Let's say that again .. uhm. woo. Feel the sarcasm?
It's late, we gotta get to bed. I need to get into work early because I'm leaving early for my flight. I get to see my nephew in 1 more day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hooray!!!!!!!!
In other news, I got in a bad horseback riding accident with Rebel two nights ago. The good news, nothing is broken. I got incredibly lucky. The bad news. I hurt everywhere! It's similar to having whiplash in my back after a car accident, except my arms and left shoulder are also killing me. Rebel is very very well trained at a walk/trot and has come so far in the last 3 months. His trot used to be out of control - fast / slow / fast / slow - head up in the air, nuts really. However, long hard work has resulted in him getting better and better and he's lovely to ride at a walk/trot now.. His canter on the other hand we've mostly not touched. It's not only out of control, it's dangerous. When I'm working with him, even though I'm functioning as his trainer, I always make sure someone else is on site and close by if I'm going to canter. We're working on it, but he is still dangerous at it. To give a little background, the problem is that Rebel used to be a barrel racer. His owner would do nothing but get on his back and run run run at a dead run. This has resulted in his mind not understanding anything but head-on, dead to the bit, mind-blowing, muscle tensed hard running with no control. Someone would think, "well just pull him back and force him into control," but unfortunately it doesn't work that way when he's had 7 years of the other engraved into his head. It will take months, possibly more to fix. Anyhow, generally I canter him in the round-pen, it forces him to have some control and eliminates the possibility of him grabbing the bit in his teeth and pulling the control from me. Frankly, where's he going to go? Other than in a small circle around and around. This is why round-pens are used a lot in training. He's been slowly improving but has a long way to go. My error in the accident is that I trusted we had made enough progress to take him into the field arena. (much larger, tons of room, trees, bushes, etc). Earlier in the day I did it with no other horses in the arena and he did pretty well. Mostly out of control, but we had a few moments that he maintained a steady pace. So.. okay. We continue to ride with others at a walk/trot and we're finishing up for the day, I decide it'd be good to end the day with one last round of cantering. (I really have to say each time I say canter its like a joke since I think of a canter as calm and controlled and his is far from it). Anyhow, 3 other horses in the arena, I move him into the canter and he tweaks, almost running over the top of the other horses. This results in some serious, "WTF"'s from all of us, a punishing tight circle to bring him back into control, and a comment from me of "sorry guys, let me try that one more time." This in general wasn't a mistake; like training with other animals, if they do something incredibly wrong, you don't stop on that note, you try again until you get it right. I truly thought there would be no problem in asking him for the canter again, afterall, he had done it semi-controlled 4 or 5 times an hour previous, right? .. wrong. I ask him for the canter and for the 1st time since 3 months ago he does the worst thing that can happen on horseback; he bolted, causing me to pull the bit back, causing him to be able to clamp his teeth down on it, eliminating all of my control. He made 1 dead run aruond the arena, the other women knew from watching that he was out of control but were helpless to do anything. I've got both hands on one rein trying pull the bit out of his control and force his head sideways so I can get him to stop. (tight circles equal emergency stops) Within seconds it was all over, the other gals screamed as he ran headlong straight into a tree. My last desperate thought before impact was that he was going to kill himself by hitting it head first. However he turned his head at the last moment so it hit his neck and then his shoulder; bringing us from a dead-run down to a crashing stop. I flew from his back into the side of the tree, hitting my head, left shoulder, and left arm, scratching the hell out of the arm. The force of the impact bounced me back into his saddle which was the biggest oddity of it. We were both very dazed to say the least. I refused the call for the ambulance as soon as I found that no bones were broken, the scratchs were bleeding, but nothiing serious. I do realize now that with the adrenaline pumping I probably felt very little of the pain, though I still don't think I needed to be taken to the ER. Anyhow --- in hindsight, I still don't know what happened. We know he took off obviously, but why? and then why run head on into the tree? That night it was all about us calling him a stupid f'ing animal, but now it just bugs me. I sincerely wish there were better ways to communicate with our animals.
Frustrating news, Dave had an interview with AT&T today, he thought he did really well. Within a couple of hours he had an email saying, Thanks but No Thanks. *sigh* It's really hard not to get your hopes up when a good interview comes and we were really hoping it was finally time for him to find a good job. All that can be done is to continue looking, continue trying. For now he is working at Sears, part-time, which we're grateful for, it will help us make the ends meet temporarily. Though I still can't believe they get away with paying people $6 an hour. All because they have 1% commission... woo. Let's say that again .. uhm. woo. Feel the sarcasm?
It's late, we gotta get to bed. I need to get into work early because I'm leaving early for my flight. I get to see my nephew in 1 more day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hooray!!!!!!!!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Sunday Stealing Meme - Battle of the Meme
My Sunday Memes are taken from this site: Try one sometime!
1. When you buy a greetings card are the words or the picture more important to you? The words. I'll pay attention to the pictures and design as well of course, but the words are the most important.
2. Do you ever make gifts for people, if so what, or do you buy them? Yep. I've made a few different things. This year for Christmas I'm painting and putting together a specific holiday decoration for each member of the family to have in their household. I've made ornaments before. Crochetted scarves and hats.
3. Are you going on holiday this year? I'm assuming this means going somewhere for Christmas? In that case, no. I am going to my sisters next week for a short visit with her and my nephew though!
4. What was the best party you've ever been to? My work always held a huge Christmas party at Gilette Stadium each year, S.L. is able to put on a great party!
5. What's the most romantic thing that's ever been said to you? There've been a few good ones, one of my favorites that has always stuck with me was. "It's morning, it's chilly, the snow is gently falling outside, and I want nothing more than to have you snuggled up close to me.
7. What's your favorite romantic song? Enya, "Only Time". Gives me chills every time.
8. Favorite heartbreak song? Hard for me to pick one. Plus I can't think of many right now. We'll say "Where to Broken Hearts go". I might update that sometime.
9. Which celebrity would you like a dream date with? Hmm.. Hugh Jackman
10. Which female celebrity do you find beautiful? Charlize Theron
11. Which male celebrity do you think is attractive? hahaha, just one?! Patrick Dempsey, Vin Diesel, Hugh Jackman, Jason Statham, Clive Owens
12. Describe the kind of underwear you normally wear. Bikini cut or boy short style.
13. If you could be in a television sit-com, which would you choose? It's borderline a sit-com but, "House". Or, while it was still on, "Friends".
14. Which character would you like to be? #13 on "House" or Rachel on "Friends"
15. What are your favorite boy and girl names? Uhm, I can't think of all of them right now, but some: Carter, Connor for boys. Rebekah, May, Rayne, Samantha for girls.
16. What's your supermarket of choice? Uh, whichever have the best sales / prices. In Boston it was Market Basket. We're still learning and picking in Largo, FL.
17. What is your best character trait? empathy
18. What is your worst habit? holding in my anger until I'm ready to blow
19. Elaborate on your default icon. Don't have one; at least not here.
20. What is your current relationship status? Married
21. Ever have a near death experience? Yes. I was repelling with my youth group and when I slipped off the edge of the cliff, the rope wasn't secured. I fell about 15 feet and my hair (about half of it on a side of my head) ran up the 'figure 8' piece and stopped my fall. It was pure luck via the Dr that it didn't rip my scalp. It did however separate my scalp from my head in some areas without ripping? I was much younger. I just remember a lot of pain. One of our youth group leaders repelled down next to me and once everyone had made sure the rope was actually secure, he cut my hair off and they lowered me the other 50 feet.
22. Name an obvious quality about you? Hm, an odd question if you ask me. Obvious physical is that I've got large and nice breasts. hahaha. After talking to me for awhile I think most notice that I have a very friendly personality.
23. What’s the name of a song stuck in your head right now? "Where to Broken Hearts Go". Due to the above question. Bleh.
24. Name a celebrity you would marry? Being that I know none of them personally, thats a hard question. Based off of news and movies, I'll say Hugh Jackman and hope he's just as super duper sexy and romantic in person as he is in his movies.
25. Do you like pain? hahahahaha.. uhm. Wow. Uh. In a sexual sort of way, yes, very much so. You all don't need the elaboration there. In the day to day life, I have a high tolerance, but no, in general I don't like pain.
1. When you buy a greetings card are the words or the picture more important to you? The words. I'll pay attention to the pictures and design as well of course, but the words are the most important.
2. Do you ever make gifts for people, if so what, or do you buy them? Yep. I've made a few different things. This year for Christmas I'm painting and putting together a specific holiday decoration for each member of the family to have in their household. I've made ornaments before. Crochetted scarves and hats.
3. Are you going on holiday this year? I'm assuming this means going somewhere for Christmas? In that case, no. I am going to my sisters next week for a short visit with her and my nephew though!
4. What was the best party you've ever been to? My work always held a huge Christmas party at Gilette Stadium each year, S.L. is able to put on a great party!
5. What's the most romantic thing that's ever been said to you? There've been a few good ones, one of my favorites that has always stuck with me was. "It's morning, it's chilly, the snow is gently falling outside, and I want nothing more than to have you snuggled up close to me.
7. What's your favorite romantic song? Enya, "Only Time". Gives me chills every time.
8. Favorite heartbreak song? Hard for me to pick one. Plus I can't think of many right now. We'll say "Where to Broken Hearts go". I might update that sometime.
9. Which celebrity would you like a dream date with? Hmm.. Hugh Jackman
10. Which female celebrity do you find beautiful? Charlize Theron
11. Which male celebrity do you think is attractive? hahaha, just one?! Patrick Dempsey, Vin Diesel, Hugh Jackman, Jason Statham, Clive Owens
12. Describe the kind of underwear you normally wear. Bikini cut or boy short style.
13. If you could be in a television sit-com, which would you choose? It's borderline a sit-com but, "House". Or, while it was still on, "Friends".
14. Which character would you like to be? #13 on "House" or Rachel on "Friends"
15. What are your favorite boy and girl names? Uhm, I can't think of all of them right now, but some: Carter, Connor for boys. Rebekah, May, Rayne, Samantha for girls.
16. What's your supermarket of choice? Uh, whichever have the best sales / prices. In Boston it was Market Basket. We're still learning and picking in Largo, FL.
17. What is your best character trait? empathy
18. What is your worst habit? holding in my anger until I'm ready to blow
19. Elaborate on your default icon. Don't have one; at least not here.
20. What is your current relationship status? Married
21. Ever have a near death experience? Yes. I was repelling with my youth group and when I slipped off the edge of the cliff, the rope wasn't secured. I fell about 15 feet and my hair (about half of it on a side of my head) ran up the 'figure 8' piece and stopped my fall. It was pure luck via the Dr that it didn't rip my scalp. It did however separate my scalp from my head in some areas without ripping? I was much younger. I just remember a lot of pain. One of our youth group leaders repelled down next to me and once everyone had made sure the rope was actually secure, he cut my hair off and they lowered me the other 50 feet.
22. Name an obvious quality about you? Hm, an odd question if you ask me. Obvious physical is that I've got large and nice breasts. hahaha. After talking to me for awhile I think most notice that I have a very friendly personality.
23. What’s the name of a song stuck in your head right now? "Where to Broken Hearts Go". Due to the above question. Bleh.
24. Name a celebrity you would marry? Being that I know none of them personally, thats a hard question. Based off of news and movies, I'll say Hugh Jackman and hope he's just as super duper sexy and romantic in person as he is in his movies.
25. Do you like pain? hahahahaha.. uhm. Wow. Uh. In a sexual sort of way, yes, very much so. You all don't need the elaboration there. In the day to day life, I have a high tolerance, but no, in general I don't like pain.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Friday Fill in #101
Meme taken from the site of: http://fridayfillins.blogspot.com/
I was going through some back entries and discovered it makes much more sense for me to put the beginnings in bold and then my fill ins in regular text.
1. Snow is wonderful and beautiful in small doses. The amount of snow each year up in Boston was ridiculous. My favorite part of snow was always going outside at night or the early morning, after a heavy snow fall, and listening to the peaceful beautiful silence. It always seemed to work as some form of a sound muffler against the world. I loved the beauty of unwalked / undriven snow as well.
2. I'm looking forward to seeing my nephew in a few days!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T WAIT! :) Oh.. and of course seeing my sisters and Mom too.
3. Vincent is the best nephew ever!
4. One of my favorite old tv shows is ER. I'm not sure how many people would consider it "old", but it has been on for a very long time. Sadly, this is it's last season. I'd eventually like to own every season because it's by far been one of my favorite shows of all time; it probably always will be.
5. I'm done with my 1st piece of toast. LOL. I had a toast craving. I made two pieces with light country crock and sugar-free strawberry preserves, but I only made it through 1 piece. My mind still doesn't remember sometimes that the little tummy only does so much.
6. The most enjoyable thing around the holidays is family. It always means I get more time with family. We all live far apart from each other and any kind of excuse to see them more often I'll take. I also love the smells, decorations, and lights.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some extra sleep, tomorrow my plans include seeing Rebel in the morning and working on the house in the afternoon and Sunday, I want to get a lot of rest like always! :)
I was going through some back entries and discovered it makes much more sense for me to put the beginnings in bold and then my fill ins in regular text.
1. Snow is wonderful and beautiful in small doses. The amount of snow each year up in Boston was ridiculous. My favorite part of snow was always going outside at night or the early morning, after a heavy snow fall, and listening to the peaceful beautiful silence. It always seemed to work as some form of a sound muffler against the world. I loved the beauty of unwalked / undriven snow as well.
2. I'm looking forward to seeing my nephew in a few days!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T WAIT! :) Oh.. and of course seeing my sisters and Mom too.
3. Vincent is the best nephew ever!
4. One of my favorite old tv shows is ER. I'm not sure how many people would consider it "old", but it has been on for a very long time. Sadly, this is it's last season. I'd eventually like to own every season because it's by far been one of my favorite shows of all time; it probably always will be.
5. I'm done with my 1st piece of toast. LOL. I had a toast craving. I made two pieces with light country crock and sugar-free strawberry preserves, but I only made it through 1 piece. My mind still doesn't remember sometimes that the little tummy only does so much.
6. The most enjoyable thing around the holidays is family. It always means I get more time with family. We all live far apart from each other and any kind of excuse to see them more often I'll take. I also love the smells, decorations, and lights.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some extra sleep, tomorrow my plans include seeing Rebel in the morning and working on the house in the afternoon and Sunday, I want to get a lot of rest like always! :)
Monday, December 1, 2008
One of these days I'll learn -- I hope
Most know that read here that I had RNY Gastric Bypass surgery on April 21, 2008. One of the reasons I chose the surgery was because of my lack of self control. The surgery to me has been and continues to be a weight loss tool that when I start to get off track kicks me in the ass and hard.
Things that have changed permanently:
My portion size, I can't and ideally will never again be able to eat more food than 1 cup and maybe eventually 2 cups at a time. Depending on how solid the food is this varies slightly. This is something I've been controlling well, especially recently, and it's something I'm happy with. Even when Dave and I go out somewhere to eat, I know I can simply take the other half or 2/3rds of my food home and have it later.
My ability to eat things with sugar and fat. Fat, no problem really, I've never really enjoyed fatty foods anyways. Once in a blue moon I get a craving for fries or a burger and in those times I can easily by a small fry and eat 10-15 of them and hand the rest to Dave. I can do the same with half of a Jr. Burger of some sort. The problem I do have, is with sugar or sweet things. Grr. It's still a battle for me, generally at least once on a weekly basis. Last week, Thanksgiving, I wanted a slice of that apple pie soooo bad; and I had it, along with a couple bites of pumpkin. Now, if I was smart about it I would've made something similar to pumpkin pie or apple pie, but sugar free, prior to going to Thanksgiving dinner. Of course, I didn't do that and about 15 minutes after eating I got sick. Sick involves getting cramps, a stomach ache, extreme tiredness and without being graphic an unpleasant 'end' result. It generally lasts about an hour start to finish.
Today, I did it AGAIN! .. except it was a craving for chicken nuggets and a kids size frosty. I mean, really?? I need a knock to the head. Generally I'm able to do a kids size frosty with little or no problem as long as I sip/eat it slow, however, mixed with fake chicken (5 piece) and bbq sauce (1 of them), not so much. *sigh* Anyhow, that was more than an hour ago.
I WILL learn not to do this to myself.
Things that have changed permanently:
My portion size, I can't and ideally will never again be able to eat more food than 1 cup and maybe eventually 2 cups at a time. Depending on how solid the food is this varies slightly. This is something I've been controlling well, especially recently, and it's something I'm happy with. Even when Dave and I go out somewhere to eat, I know I can simply take the other half or 2/3rds of my food home and have it later.
My ability to eat things with sugar and fat. Fat, no problem really, I've never really enjoyed fatty foods anyways. Once in a blue moon I get a craving for fries or a burger and in those times I can easily by a small fry and eat 10-15 of them and hand the rest to Dave. I can do the same with half of a Jr. Burger of some sort. The problem I do have, is with sugar or sweet things. Grr. It's still a battle for me, generally at least once on a weekly basis. Last week, Thanksgiving, I wanted a slice of that apple pie soooo bad; and I had it, along with a couple bites of pumpkin. Now, if I was smart about it I would've made something similar to pumpkin pie or apple pie, but sugar free, prior to going to Thanksgiving dinner. Of course, I didn't do that and about 15 minutes after eating I got sick. Sick involves getting cramps, a stomach ache, extreme tiredness and without being graphic an unpleasant 'end' result. It generally lasts about an hour start to finish.
Today, I did it AGAIN! .. except it was a craving for chicken nuggets and a kids size frosty. I mean, really?? I need a knock to the head. Generally I'm able to do a kids size frosty with little or no problem as long as I sip/eat it slow, however, mixed with fake chicken (5 piece) and bbq sauce (1 of them), not so much. *sigh* Anyhow, that was more than an hour ago.
I WILL learn not to do this to myself.
Meme: Manic Monday #144
Taken from Website: http://manicmondaymeme.blogspot.com/
It's "Cyber Monday" today, the ceremonial kick-off of the holiday online shopping season in the United States. Do you do much online shopping, holiday or otherwise? Both Dave and I do a moderate amount of online shopping. The most shopping we do online is generally during the Holidays. Our families live all over the US and it's much easier to have a store ship it to their location rather than buy it locally and then ship it locally; plus a lot of the time you can get free shipping online.
Are you a Mac or a PC user? Why? PC User. It's what I grew up with, it's what I know and am comfortable with. Dave has worked with Mac's a lot since he worked with computers in several stores, but we haven't bought him one as they tend to cost a lot more than PC's.
What website do you spend more time on than you care to admit? MySpace.
It's "Cyber Monday" today, the ceremonial kick-off of the holiday online shopping season in the United States. Do you do much online shopping, holiday or otherwise? Both Dave and I do a moderate amount of online shopping. The most shopping we do online is generally during the Holidays. Our families live all over the US and it's much easier to have a store ship it to their location rather than buy it locally and then ship it locally; plus a lot of the time you can get free shipping online.
Are you a Mac or a PC user? Why? PC User. It's what I grew up with, it's what I know and am comfortable with. Dave has worked with Mac's a lot since he worked with computers in several stores, but we haven't bought him one as they tend to cost a lot more than PC's.
What website do you spend more time on than you care to admit? MySpace.
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