Christmas Recap

The Christmas Season was just wonderful this year. Of course there are a couple of things I would have changed, (like being able to be with my family ... and Sean's family)... but I won't dwell on the things that I wasn't able to have. I think it's a much better idea to write about all the happiness and amazing things that did happen!

About 3 weeks before Christmas I got to see my Mom. (yay!!!) and my Mom got to meet Sean's parents and of course Sean as well. We had a wonderful weekend. Sean's mother put us up in a beautiful hotel and really outdid herself by preparing a great gift basket for my Mom. She put all kinds of special treats in it. She is a very considerate, loving, and caring woman; in fact, she reminds me a lot of my own Mom. (just not quite as good) ;) We spent the weekend wandering around the town of Pensacola a lot. We walked the beach, went to some souvineir shops, saw the Country Club where Sean's Dad works and had lunch there, went to the Dr's office where Sean's Mom works, had a couple of lunches out, and had dinners in. My Mom and Sean's Mom really seemed to hit it off, they have a lot in common so they seemed to have endless things to talk about. I couldn't have been happier with the weekend. :)

Sean and I's budget was really tight this Christmas due to my change in job, but I was very grateful that we had enough to at least do something small for everyone in our families. We thought we'd have a small but happy gift pile at our home, but we were so so so blessed to have both of our families send us many things. We had such a beautiful and full Christmas morning.

My sisters and I followed our continued pajama tradition and I opened my new 'jama pants on Christmas eve. SUPER loved them. I have pics that I'll have to put up soon. They were light blue with white and light brown snowflakes AND in additional there were a pair of blue and white snowflake slippers. So CUTE!

Sean's family (including aunts) got us a gift card to Walmart, a beautiful Santa ornament, a matching pair of dark blue Snuggies, I got a pair of pearl earrings, Sean got a couple of t-shirts and a movie, uhmm... I know I'm forgetting a few things. My family got Sean movies and books, Mom made him a set of hotbags and a Christmas apron (both of which he loves!), my sister Clarissa brought me back some of the most amazing weaved items from the Marshall Islands, my sister Bek and her husband got us the game Trivial Pursuit (woot!), and my brother made me another awesome apron. :) Again I know that I'm totally forgetting some things in there ... but there was so much wonderful stuff!

Sean totally outdid himself and surprised me huge by buying me a Versace perfume that we picked out together (lets not even go there on the price of it! holy crap!) and also got me a stainless steel eternity choker that locks into place. Both gifts were absolutely unbelievable and more than I know he could really afford right now. He is so good to me ...... he makes me world happy and full of smiles constantly.

I got Sean another movie he's been wanting and a nice pair of leather / waterproof boots for the barn. I wish that I could've done more myself, but I know he really appreciated what I did get.

Christmas evening I spent some time on the webcam with my family, everyone was in Seattle at my brother's house so it worked out well. The delight of my evening was my nephew Vincent playing peek-a-boo with me on camera. He would duck down off screen and I'd say, "Where's Vincent???", and then he'd POP back up with a squeel and laugh when I yelled, "There you are!!!" It was about as cute as it gets and I'll fully admit to getting all teared up over having the ability to play with my nephew. Technology is an amazing and wonderful thing.

Awww... good memories. My family is well. I'm madly in love with an amazing man. I'm in good health too. Life is good.

Sunday Stealing - Tell me about yourself

1. When is your birthday? May 25th

2. Where were you born? Portland

3. Where do you live now? Largo

4. What is your heritage? German and other stuffs

5. Tell us about a weakness. I tend to be naive and too nice sometimes; sadly this means that I'm taken advantage of sometimes.

6. What's a goal that you'd like to achieve? Being able to do some high-level horse showing.

7. What is the most overused internet phrase? probably "LOL"

8. What was your first thought this morning? I don't think much when I first wake up. haha.

9. When do you usually go to bed? Varies. A LOT. Anywhere from 9pm to 12am usually.

10. Do you smoke? If not, did you ever? Very rarely, sadly I can't say that I've 100% kicked the habit. However I do not smoke regularly and haven't for a few years.

11. Do you like your current relationship status? Yes. :) Though we're both hoping to move forward to another level fairly soon.

12. Do you (or did you) get along with your parents? Yep

13. How often do you drink alcohol? About 1-2 times a month.

14. Have you ever tried drugs (that weren't prescribed)? Yep

15. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? If yes, do tell. hahaha. Yes, a few times. Y'all don't need the details. ;)

16. If given the choice, how would you like to die? In my sleep, peacefully, painlessly. That or eaten by a shark, yeah, that'd be cool.

17. What did you want to be when you grew up? Veternarian

18. Have you ever been dumped? Yep

19. What's on your pizza? Everything except green peppers or anchovies. I love fully loaded pizzas.

20. Have you ever shoplifted? Yep

Saturday 9: Leaving on a Jet Plane

1. When was the last time you jetted away for the holidays? Does jetting away count flying to see family? If so, I have every year for the last 7 years or so. In general its always before or after Christmas though ... cheaper flights and/or easier flights to get on.

2. What is your fondest birthday memory? Uhmmmmm.. wow. My memory isn't so great. However, based off of pictures, I had a birthday several years ago when a bunch of friends came over to my parents house and celebrated with me. I don't really remember it .. but I've no doubt it was a good time. :)

3. What names do you go by? Rachel, Rach, Zaudika

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? Seeing my Mom, Christmas, starting my new job.

5. Where is your least favorite place to be, and why? The doctor. It generally means something or another is wrong, that and I just don't like doctor offices.

6. Have you ever had a scary stalker type? Yep, not a pleasant experience. At all.

7. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Hmmm, I have a couple, but I love my families pajama tradition. Every year one of us picks out pajamas for the other girls. We open them on Christmas Eve and wear them that night and the following morning.

8. What are two activities you do after eating Thanksgiving Dinner? Nothing that is super typical ... this year though I took a nice nap and then went to a friends house for desserts and movies.

9. What did your family do for Thanksgiving when you were a kid? Do you still do it? If not explain why. Eat a LOT. hahaha. And yup, I still do it!

Silly people, you have poo on your head...

... or so they should ... hehehe. So, I was informed today by a friend-type-person that she thought that Sean and I had broken up. When I asked her where she had heard that from, she couldn't remember. (though I have a sneaky thought that she does rememberrrrrrrrr) I have a few ideas on where she might have heard a rumor started, but I left it alone after telling her that the information was far from the truth. To be honest, I truly cannot remember the last time I was so content and happy. Truly, completely, through and through, HAPPY. :) :) :) I really believe that the love Sean and I share is completely different than any other we've both experienced. He and I both have mentioned this a few different times. Life is good. :)

I might as well give a couple brief updates since I'm actually writing. :)

The biggest change in my life is I'm no longer working for SunLife; much to my disappointment. I had worked for the company just over 6 years. Long story short is I screwed up and had to chose between moving back to Boston or resigning. After a few days of thought, I resigned. I have no desire to move back to Boston. I don't like the weather (to much snow!), I'm not a big fan of the city, overall people just seem more rude. The two things I would've gone back for are my dear friends in the area and the job. In Florida I have other good friends, weather I like MUCH more, Sean (though he would've moved to Boston with me if that was our decision), Sean's family, and horses. Horses Horses Horses! :) They've been nonstop in my life since moving down here and it's not something I ever want to give up. I gave my resignation, they gave me 4 weeks severance, and I went out on the job hunt. I'm very happy and thrilled to say that I got another job offer and start on December 7th. I had to take quite a bit of a paycut, but I feel so incredibly blessed that I found another position so quickly. I'll be doing the same kind of work as a Claims Examiner and learning a new kind of business that involves Medicaid and Medicare as well as Short-Term Disability.

Another change and an exciting one for Sean and I is the newest horse in my life. She's a 3 year old mare and her registered name is "TR's Bright Showydream" and she's an appaloosa. We're currently working on finding her a daily pet name. It's currently Suzie, but no one is a big fan of that. We thought we were going to use Sage, but when she got delivered yesterday we felt it just didn't fit her. She's being kept at the barn, "Three Arrows Ranch" that I've spent time at since moving out here. A woman named Patty owns the place and has become a great friend. The barn only holds about 14 horses, so it never get's insanely overrun which is nice. For those who know horses and are reading this and might want to look up her Sire and Dam; her Dam is "Bright She Might" and her Sire is "Stylish Dream". Dream Finder is fairly well known and comes from some high-end champions so we're excited to have her. Currently she still belongs to Triange Ranch, but we're hoping by the end of next year she'll officially belong to us. It all depends on how things go.

Anyhow, that's about it for now. Sean has a friend coming to spend a few days with us for Thanksgiving and he should be here just about any moment.

Happy Thanksgiving (1 day early) Everyone!

Multiple Daily Meme's!?!?! Could it be true?!?!

I found a website that has multiple daily meme's listed that you can go to and participate in. MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! Now on the days that my standard ones just aren't my cup of tea, I can find others. Or.. Ooo Ooo!! .. I can do multiple meme's in one day! Oh the possibilities!

Ok. Anyway. If you feel like getting involved in a billion types of meme's this is the link. http://thedailymeme.com/

The first meme I found for Monday is, "Give Me Five", each week a question or comment is made that you then list five things for. So.. this was the one for this week, very appropriate for Thanksgiving week of course:

Give Me Five reasons you can be thankful this year:

1) I'm thankful that my family is healthy and all doing relatively well.
2) I'm thankful that I found Sean, he really is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
3) I'm thankful that I was able to find a new job quickly.
4) I'm thankful for Suzie (soon to be renamed), the sweet appaloosa mare that is now in my life.
5) I'm thankful for my family and friends who love and support me.


Another Monday Meme I found is called Question of the Week, or QOTW. This was the question they posed:

Would you rather work outside with your hands, or inside at a desk job?

I would most definitely prefer to work outside with my hands. All of my life I've pretty much done desk jobs, however, my dream job would be making a living working with horses. Horses are hobby and it brings me minor income at times, but oh if it could be a profession....... life would be grand.

Sunday Stealing - The Party Mummy Meme

Doing these questionnaires seem to be my thing recently. One of these days I'm going to actually write an update on life as well - until then - those who follow my blog, just know that life is good. :)

No clue why they named this meme what they did. Odd.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. Sarah, same date right down to the year. She's my birthday twin. :)

2. Where was your first kiss? Honestly I don't remember for the life of me. My first memorable kiss was in this little wooded area by my family's home.

3. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? If yes, why? Errrm.. Yes. We'll just leave it at yes I have.

4. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? When? Yep, a few times. Kareoke most recently.

5. What's the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? Height, body type, eyes.

6. What really turns you off? Someone being rude.

7. What is your biggest mistake? Ehh... some interesting personal questions in this aren't there. Biggest mistake - staying in an abusive relationship way to long.

8. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Good gawd! Really?! Bleh. Whatever. Yeah a long time ago.

9. Say something totally random about yourself. I want a cookie. A chocolate chip one.

10. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Just recently yep.. my honey mentioned that he kind of thought I looked like the lead singer from Evanescence.

11. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? heck yah!

12. Are you comfortable with your height? Yep. Sometimes I wish I was a couple inches taller, but I'm good where I'm at too.

13. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Hmmm... goodness. I've had a few romantic things in my past, it's not fair to pick just one.

14. When do you know it's love? I think this is something that everyone has to answer individually to themselves. I don't know how to explain it in depth. Though that might be because it's early morning and I haven't had coffee yet. lol. All I can say is you just know. It's when you feel something you've never experienced before. The feeling when it comes is perfect.

15. What's something that really annoys you? hahaha.. love and then right over to annoyance. Rude and dishonest people annoy me.

Sunday Stealing Meme - Weird Questions Part II

26. What color is your watch? I don't have a watch.

27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”? The movie with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.

28. Would you strip for money? No.

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru most of the time.

30. What is your favorite number? 7.

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? Cait.

32. Any plans today? I already did them. Picked up a friend and did a little surprise birthday celebration for her. We painted pottery and had lunch.

33. In how many states have you lived? 4.

34. Biggest annoyance right now? Being unemployed.

35. Last song listened to? Uhmmm. I honestly can't remember.

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Yes.

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? I wish!

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Comfy worn out sandles or some new loafers I just got - they're by Mudd and super comfy.

39. Are you jealous of anyone? Nope, I'm really not.

40. Is anyone jealous of you? Not that I know of.

41. Do you love anyone? Very much.

42. Do any of your friends have children? Yes, a bunch of them do.

43. What do you usually do during the day? Recently, job hunt and crafts.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? I'm happy to say, no.

45. Do you use the word hello daily? Yes, or some form of it.

46. What color is your car? Silver.

47. What size wedding ring do you wear? 5.5

48. Are you thinking about someone right now? Not really, mostly focusing on filling this out.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yep!

50. How did you get your worst scar? Surgery.

Saturday 9

1. What was your favorite subject in high school? Art and Pottery

2. Do you watch reality shows? Which ones? I'm not sure if they count as reality shows, I guess they do because they're real, they're just not as drama filled as some. So, Trauma: Life in the ER. Code Blue. Project Runway. Top Chef. Animal Cops.

3. What's your favorite all time reality show? Ohh.. hard to chose, probably any of them that are medical related. They're facinating to me.

4. Do you feel "reality" shows are real or are they faked? I think a lot of the drama parts are acted / faked in things like Top Chef and Project Runway.

5. What did you look like when you were a teenager? I remember myself as being pretty chubby and unkept. I most defintely was not a popular teenager.

6. Whose advice do you listen to? My sister and Sean.

7. How often are you sick? To often! I'm considerably lucky though, I could have it a lot worse.

8. Do you like or dislike change? omg, I hate it!

9. How many times in your life have you had a broken heart? A couple of times, for a few different reasons - not all because of ended relationships.

Sunday Stealing Meme - Weird Questions

1. What is the color of your toothbrush? Green and White.

2. Name one person who made you smile today. Sean. :) He's great at that.

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Sleeping still.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Just starting to wake up.

5. What is your favorite candy bar? Twix.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yep.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Who is that?"

8. What is your favorite ice cream? How to choose? Something with chocolate and coffee flavoring.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water.

10. Do you like your wallet? Yep.

11. What was the last thing you ate? Eggs, Ham, English Muffin.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Nope.

13. The last sporting event you watched? Football.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Light Butter.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? Sean.

16. Ever go camping? Yes! I love camping.

17. Do you take vitamins daily? Yep.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Nope.

19. Do you have a tan? Slight natural one from living in Florida.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Yes, most of the time.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? When I can, I like drinking with straws, I even bought a package of them for my kitchen.

22. What did your last text message say? No idea, I'd have to go get my phone and see and well, I'm lazy this early.

23. What are you doing tomorrow? Working on my resume and starting the new hunt for work.

24. Favorite color? Blue.

25. Look to your left; what do you see? Kitchen.

Meme for Monday and other stuff

Why is the Manic Monday Meme always so short? I think that it's supposed to inspire longer and more creative writing, but I've got to say, after going through a mind numbing, exhausting, not wanting to be there because it's Monday workday -- the furthest thing from my mind is writing my intellectual <--(I'm so spelling that wrong) thoughts on something. (just saying...)

Even so, here we go:
Do you read an actual print newspaper? If so, how often? Nope.

What is your main source of news? I get CNN updates in my work email, I see the headlines on the front page of Yahoo, and once in awhile I watch a portion of the evening news on TV.

Do you believe that it's possible for the media to be unbiased? No. I think it's possible that a person can write an article from an unbiased standpoint. However, verbally, visually, and personally on the inside I don't believe a person reporting on the news is going to be unbiased.

------------------------------

On another note. Life seems to be going pretty darned good. Random lists of updates.
-Dave and I are offically divorced.

-Sean and I are living together and talking about our futures a lot. I'm happy. I'm excited for him to come home every day. I can't get enough time with him. He expresses the same feelings constantly and I love it. We're both aware that the giddy twitterpatted stage doesn't last forever ..... but the happiness and love ... I don't feel like that will overall ever fade. We're seriously like two teenagers a lot of the time and I can't even begin to say how much fun it is to have someone that has a goofy silly personality so insanely similar to mine. I think he might even be weirder than me sometimes. I love it.

-I'm currently working with a new horse named Suzie. Funny, I've said I don't like appaloosa's and I don't prefer mares. She's both. AND .. she's amazing. Sean loves her and treats her like a pet dog. It's adorable. He gave her a treat a couple days ago and told her to "sit", like he was talking to a dog. I crap you not. "Sit!". It's hysterical. I love it. I love him. I love them. :) She's for sale and I so wish we could purchase her. She's 3 yrs old and has a lot of potential.

-I was riding a horse named Red for about a week. She also was a mare. (weird). Except she was a thoroughbred. WOOT! She's definitely for an experienced rider, but she was oh so sweet. Unforunately she was not treated well for several months and is now on stall rest for several months. Long story short, she was given away to someone else today and I couldn't be happier. Her current owner was not physically abusing her, but by not taking care of her was inflicting abuse.

-Today I let my Mom know that Sean and I were living together. Ugh. Ouch. I hate hurting her and making her sad ... and it did. However, I hate lying to her even more. She'll adjust and she'll be okay, we just have very strong different view points on this matter. I love her dearly and she's one of my best friends; we'll work through this too.

Oooooooooooooo.. Sean just texted me he's going to make Top Ramen when he gets home from work and he's not sharing. I've got a wicked craving now. I'm so making my own. Muahaha.

Sunday Stealing - One *LONG* Meme

1. The phone rings. Who will it to be? Hmm, at this time of the night, my sister or Cait probably.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? No, most of the time I don't. *blush*

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Really depends on the day or my mood. The majority of the time the listener.

4. Do you take compliments well? Not really, I get pretty bashful with compliments.

5. Do you play Sudoku? Yeah, but I'm bad at it.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? Overall it depends on what I had with me, but yeah.

7. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yep!

8. What was your favorite game as a kid? I don't really remember. I did like this one family game we played called "The Farmer" or "Farmer's Market" or something.

9. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he was married, would you? Absolutely not.

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Yes

11. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? Good mixture of both.

12. Use three words to describe yourself? Emotional, Empathic, Happy

13. Do any songs make you cry? Oh heck yeah.

14. Are you continuing your education? Not currently.

15. Do you know how to shoot a gun? If handled one I could shoot it, but I probably wouldn't hit a target.

16. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yep.

17. How often do you read books? Used to all the time, haven't started one recently.

18. Do you think more about the past, present or future? A good mixture of both. Though I probably shouldn't think about the past so much. :P

19. What is your favorite children’s book? Any Dr. Suess

20. What color are your eyes? Blue

21. How tall are you? 5'7"

22. Where is your dream house located? Not really sure actually.

23. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? I'd make sure Sean was awake and on the way out too then probably one of my boxes of memories / photos. If I had time a few additional clothes other than what was on my back.

24. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? About a month ago with Sean.

25. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? Up the street to Home Depot.

26. Do you like mustard? Yes

27. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? I have to chose one!? We need both peeps!

28. Do you look like your mom or dad? More like my Mom I think.

29. How long does it take you in the shower? If not doing any shaving of legs and such, about 5 mins.

30. Can you do the splits? Nope.

31. What movie do you want to see right now? Angels and Demons, didn't get to see it in the theatre, waiting for it to hit DVD.

32. What did you do for New Year’s? I totally can't remember. Eeek!

33. Do you think The Grudge was scary? Yes, wont watch it.

34. Do you own a camera phone? yes.

35. Was your mom a cheerleader? no.

36. What’s the last letter of your middle name? Y

37. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? I'm in bed for at least 8, but generally only sleep 6 or 7.

38. Do you like Care Bears? Loved them as a child.

39. What do you buy at the movies? Try not to buy more than my ticket and sneak some cheaper stuff in if I can.

40. Do you know how to play poker? Yep!

41. Do you wear your seat belt? Yes!

42. What do you wear to sleep? Nothing

43. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? Yea.

44. How many meals do you eat a day? 4-6 depending on how good I'm being.

45. Is your tongue pierced? No, but it used to be.

46. Do you always read MySpace bulletins? Not always, but I look at them when I log on.

47. Do you like funny or serious people better? Funny. :)

48. Ever been to L.A.? Yep.

49. Did you eat a cookie today? No. Ooo... I want a cookie.

50. Do you use cuss words in other languages? I have before.

51. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? Uhm. I plead the 5th?

52. Do you hate chocolate? No?!?! I love my chocolatey goodness.

53. What do you and your parents fight about the most? We don't really fight.

54. Are you a gullible person? Oh yeah.

55. Do you need a boyfriend to be happy? Nope.

56. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what what would it be? Professional Horse Trainer.

57. Are you easy to get along with? I think so.

58. What is your favorite time of day? Middle of the day. More awake, but not tired from the long day yet.

Sunday Stealing - One of my favorite meme's.

The Sunday Stealing meme is one of my favorites because it's always changing. I haven't been posting or doing meme's quite as often, but I've got some extra time today so here we go!

Question 1: Who do you think is the hottest movie star? This is a hard one as I have a few favorites. Men: Ryan Reynolds; Hugh Jackman. Women: Nicole Kidman; Charlize Theron. Though I think they're both more attractive when they're not super bone-showing skinny.

Question 2: Apart from your house and your car, what is the most expensive thing you have ever bought? Jewelry, necklace and small topaz and white gold ring I bought myself.

Question 3: What is your most treasured memory? I have two right now. The birth of my son will always first and foremost. And honestly.. the first time I met Sean.. it was an amazing moment that I haven't experienced before.

Question 4: What is the best gift you’ve ever received as a child? Unforunately I don't have a lot of childhood memories so I can't remember many specific gifts. I do remember the Christmas when all of us kids got the original Nintendo tho.. that was awesome. :) That and the gifts my Mom made were always the best!

Question 5: What is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made? Not walking away.

Question 6: Give four words to describe yourself. Honest, Empathy, Emotional, Loving

Question 7: What was your highlight or lowlight of 2008? Uhm.. 2008?.. gods, with my memories being all kinds of messed up thats difficult for me to do. I'd say meeting Patty and all the other people at "Three Arrows Ranch", it's made a huge impact and change in my life. OH GOODNESS and how could my crazy mind forget. The birth of my nephew!!!!!!!!!!!! I got to be there and it was amazing and beautiful and wonderful in every way possible.

Question 8: What was your most embarrassing moment? The first thing that came to mind when I read this was a time I accidently pee'd myself from laughing so hard. It was at a friends house I had in Seattle during a party at her house. It might've been a b-day party. Sooooooooo embarassing. I was pretty badly teased for it.

Question 9: Tell something not generally known about yourself. Uhmmmmm.. I have a totally irrational fear of having my toes pulled on - I feel like they'll dislocate if they're even gently pulled. When I get a pedicure I have to specifically mention not to pull on my toes when they're doing the foot massage.

Question 10: If you were a comic strip/cartoon character, who would you be? Are there any cartoon characters of Betty Page? :D ... I dunno, someone dark, sexy, and mysterious!

Thursday Thunks! It's that time again! .. Meme's!

1. You walk into a store and the cashier is being held up by a robber. The robber's accomplice is dead on the floor at your feet with a shotgun laying next to him. The robber does not see you, but the cashier does - what do you do? Not to be anal, but this would depend on a few things. How stressed out is the robber? Is he / she tweaking? Calm? Hands shaking? Seem trigger happy? How close is the shotgun to me? More than likely I'd try to quietly step behind one of the shelves and get to the floor while hitting the emergency 911 button my cell phone. I don't know how to use a gun, I'm not incredibly intimidating, and I'd probably end up getting shot or getting someone else shot if I tried to take control of the situation.

2. We go to an ice cream shop for an ice cream cone. You say you are buying and I am going to stay in the car. You ask me what I want and I say "surprise me", what kind of ice cream cone am I going to get? If I don't know you at all, I'm probably going to stick to something pretty basic or simple. If we've known each other for a while and you like chocolate, something fun for funky like Rocky Road, Mudslide, or Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz.

3. You have a dream that your co-worker, friend or whoever is hit by a garbage truck after they back into a ladder with a black cat on it. The next day you see that person standing by a ladder with a black cat on it and there is a garbage truck driving down the road.... what do you do? Scream VERY loudly so I get their attention and get them to move far far away from the ladder, truck, cat, everything.

4. What is the most money you've won on a lottery or scratch off ticket? $100

5. A neighbor kid down the street comes to your door and offers to wash all of your windows outside for $10 - do you have him do it? Sure! I'll help out and clean windows are nice.

6. Go to Google Images. Type in the name of the last movie you saw. Post the first picture that comes up.


7. Your local animal shelter calls you and says there are 3 dogs that need an immediate foster home for 3 days. If you do not accept, the dogs are put down that day. Do you take them in? In a heartbeat, yes.

8. What is the messiest room in your home? Livingroom, by far.

9. Have you ever been to a wedding that participated in a strange tradition that you had never heard of? Yes, it was the receiption at a Thai wedding. During a dance, men (or women) would pin money to the brides wedding dress and dance with her for a few moments before the next person would pin money and start dancing with her. People were pinning $5, $10, $20, $50, $100 bills. I was young and thought it was SO cool.

10. Name one sport that you just don't get. Golf. I mean, I guess I understand why some people enjoy playing it.... but those who chose to watch it..... really people? I just don't get it. It's like watching paint dry to me.

11. What was the last email that came into your inbox about? It was the Marcaster Yahoo Group email, various posting from my SCA Group in the area.

12. Have you ever purchased anything from a sex shop? Extra points if you tell us what it was.... hahahahaha! Many times. Vibes and nipple clamps are two things I've bought that I'll tell you about.

13. Go back to that Google Images link... type in the last food item that you ate. Post the 2nd picture it comes up with.


14. Got any bumper stickers on your vehicle? What are they? nope, sure don't.

15. What meme question do you wish was never asked again? Hmmm... I don't really like it when a meme asks about when the last time I cried was, and why.

Wednesday's Meme appears to be broken.. so Rachology it is.

Or at least they haven't posted a new questionnaire since the beginning of July ... ah well. This is one I took from a Facebook post. It's supposed to be named Rachology as the title says, but I think that word looks really freaky weird. Maybe that's just me.

Anyway, here we go:

**********FOODOLOGY***************

1. What is your salad dressing of choice?
Most of the time Reduced Fat Italian

2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Not Your Average Joe's, it's a chain in the Boston area. I need to find a new restaurant that I absolutely love down in Florida.

3. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Beef - Various forms of steak. It'd be horribly bad for me to do that, but there are some many different flavors in the different cuts of meat. Mmmmm... red meat.

4. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
I like Supreme Pizzas - most everything piled on. Just no anchovies. Yeck!

5.What do you like to put on your toast?
Butter and Strawberry Jelly

6. Any vegetables you don't like?
Any that come in a can. They either need to be fresh or frozen.

7. Do you eat seafood?
OMG yes. Love it.


***********TECHNOLOGY***************

1. How many televisions are in your house?
hahaha. 5. However only 2 of them are used.

2. What color cell phone do you have?
black

3. How long would it take you to look up who invented the Rubber band?
uh, probably about 10 seconds. Google.

4. Have any idea how may Megahertz your computer has?
No clue, I could find out, but I'm not going looking right now.


***************BIOLOGY******************

1. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Both. I write with my Left hand, but do most everything else with my Right hand.

2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Yep. Spleen. Tonsils. Splinters. Adhesions.

3. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Some of the boxes when I moved my stuff over to Cait's place.

4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Knocked out? No, fainted, yes.


************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************

1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Hell No!

2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
My first and middle name, I wouldn't want to change. My last name, right now back to Herget.

3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Yep.


************DUMBOLOGY******************

1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
none. I don't like the little part that goes between your toes.

2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Uhmmmmm... don't remember. Long time ago.

3. Last person you talked to?
Cait and Owen before I laid down.

4. Last person you hugged?
Joy at pottery.


**************FAVORITOLOGY****************

1. Season ?
Fall and the Spring. When it's warm, but not HOT.

2. Holiday?
Christmas and Halloween

3. Day of the week?
Saturday

4. Month?
May ? I guess.


***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

1. Missing someone?
Yes. OMG yes.

2. Mood?
Tired.

3. What are you listening to?
the hum of my laptop

4. Watching?
uhm... my computer screen?


***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************

1. First place you went this morning?
My desk to sign in for work. First place out of the house, Dunkin Donuts for coffee.

2. What's the last movie you saw?
The Proposal. It was awesome.

3. Do you smile often?
Recently, yes. :)


***************OTHEROLOGY*****************

1. Do you always answer your phone?
Nope

2. It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Could be a few people. The immediate person who comes to mind right now is Sean. :)

3. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Wouldn't want to.

4. Do you prefer cold or hot?
Cooler but not cold.

5. What's your favorite gossip magazine?
Err... don't have one

6. Have you ever had a pet fish?
Yep, goldfish and betafish.

8. What's on your wish list for your birthday?
I dunno, way to early to think about that.

9. Can you do push ups?
Girly ones.

10. Can you do a chin up?
Nope

11. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Excited!

12. Do you have any saved texts?
Yep :)

13. Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes

14. Do you have an accent?
Nope

15. What is the last song to make you cry?
Don't remember. Butterfly kisses used to make me cry all the time.

16. Plans tonight?
Sleep!

17. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yeah

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
Coffee, Muffin, aaaaaaaaaaaaand I don't think anything else.

19. Have you ever been given roses?
Yes - I love roses among other flowers.

20. Current worry?
Sean's transfer. If it'll work out. If we need to make a different plan. Etc.

21. Current hate right now?
I try not to hate anything, but right now I'm disliking work a lot.

22. Met someone who changed your life?
Yes, a lot of people have changed my life.

23. How will you bring in the New Year?
No idea at this point. New Years Eve is a ways off.

24. What song represents you?
Bitch by Meredith Brooks, haha

25. Name three people who might complete this?
I'm posting it to my blog, not for others to do, unless they want to take it.

26. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Hmmm.. maybe? I think so but probably just so I could reexperience some things I've forgotten.

27. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Yep

28. Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
yes

30. Does anyone love you?
yes

31. Ever had someone sing to you?
yes

32. When did you last cry??
couple nights ago

33. Do you like to cuddle?
I'm a HUGE cuddler. I'm a snuggle cuddle maniac.

34. Have you held hands with anyone today?
nope

35. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
no idea. I don't remember things from that age.

36. Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Yes! .. Mmm.

Pickles!

Ok, so I couldn't think of a good title. I seldom can, so I'm just going to blurt whatever comes to mind if I'm having a blank moment.

My honey got home from his trip to Iowa today. Yay! Safe and sound after another 22 hour long drive. Whew! We got to talk tonight for longer than we have for the last week and it was great. He also showed me the present he got for me while he was in Iowa. hehe. We both couldn't wait for the surprise. I LOVE IT! I've never really been able to do the name brand clothes thing as I haven't really been able to afford it or justify to myself spending a lot on myself for clothes. Well, he had mentioned getting me something name brand eventually and did. WOOOOT!.. Who's a lucky woman? I AM! It's a super cute white, pink, green, fuzzy comfy outfit from Victoria Secret, from the "PINK" clothing line. OMG I can't wait to get it in the mail, it looks so comfy. It's a lighter weight hoody that says "FREE HUGS" in bold letters across the back and then long pants that side "LOVE PINK" down the side. It's got other super cute details too. I'll totally take pictures and put them up once I have them. I'm totally psych'd. :) OH! .. In fact, now that I think of it. I can link a picture from the VS website. Here we go!



...and.....



I have the bestest boyfriend in the whole wide world. :) I've been grinning ear to ear since I spoke with him earlier tonight.

Writing again..

So... I haven't written in a long while... there are several reasons for that. Mostly because I didn't want some people who know about my blog reading about what I had to say. I know, I know, then why journal online? Eh, one of the main reasons is because I type a lot better than I write - not to mention a lot faster. Secondary reason is that when it's saved on the internet it seems to never go away. (which might be a bad thing). I've written in books before and written on hard drives before - a couple of both have been lost - so I write here. And yes, I know my puncuation and spelling sucks, but it's allowed to here.

I think I've mostly decided that I'm not going to write a lot of detail about super emotional personal stuff here; but hell that may change too.

Biggest update. Dave and I are getting a divorce. I moved out at the end of April and then told him at the end of May that I wanted the divorce. There are multiple reasons and sadly he and I don't see eye to eye on most all of those reasons. My biggest heartache about the divorce is losing someone who was my best friend for 7 years. There is no one that has really stood by me in the way Dave did for those years and I will never feel ungrateful for all the support and love he always showed me. He really is such a good person. He's just not one that I'm in love with anymore.

Dave is now dating someone else and has been for a couple of months. I'm also seeing someone else, Sean. I've fallen hard and fast ... it's scary in a lot of ways ... and it's not something I expected at all. The last moment I expected to meet someone so wonderful would be while going through a divorce. I'm not going to go to far into detail about things with he and I at the moment. We'll just say for now that I'm very happy with where things seem to be leading with this very special man.

I've been keeping myself busy. My work with the horses has picked back up and is quite involved. I technically have 5 horses that I'm currently working with or riding, but I'm only riding 2 of them occasionally right now. Katie - I ride out at Patti's barn, but Patti is also doing a lot of work with her for the upcoming show season. Joshua - is my newest project and the one I'm riding the most, he's owned by a woman named Sue that I was introduced to by Patti. Sadie - Is another one of Sue's horses that I ride occasionally. Both Joshua and Sadie are fairly well trained in English and Sue (owner) would like them slowed down for Western, so I'm helping her work on that. I'm bringing Joshua to a lesson clinic Saturday evening. Finally I occasionally ride Blue and Suede. Arthur and Lynn are their owners. They'd like me to work with them a lot more this fall as Arthur will be very busy running his hurricane repair business. It's crazy busy and I love it, but I'm hoping to get settled in to working with only 1 or 2 horses soon so I can show that one specific horse during the show season. I dunno, we'll see how it goes.

I'm dealing with a horrific bout of insomnia recently. I don't really sleep well anymore period. I was hoping that writing would start to get me tired tonight but it seems to have been an idle hope. I've been seeing a therapist down here and the last time I spoke with her she suggested trying to find some hypnotherapy CD's for helping me to get to sleep or stay asleep. I haven't done that yet, but it really might be worth a shot. The lack of good sleep has been messing with my work schedule, and wreaking havic on my emotions. I'm keeping most of the emotional crap contained as I don't want it to bug others and well, for the most part it's not a huge deal and I can handle things fine ... but it's still starting to stress me out.

Anyhow, I'm going to sign out for now, maybe read for a bit and if that doesn't work take half of a sleeping pill to try and help me reach sleep.

P.S. Ewoks are da'bomb.

Time to write after a month off

It's late and I honestly don't know how much I will write, but I've been thinking about it on and off all day so I figured it was a good sign that I was in need of writing again.

I wish I could say things were better. If anything things are more confusing right now than I think they ever have been in my life. I don't know, maybe not. I had some pretty bad years with my ex, but I don't think those were really confusing for me, I was pretty messed up then so I kinda just went with whatever the ex said. *shudder* Ok, moving on from that subject.

My ankle and knee are doing better and improving slowly, but well. My orthopedic doctor was very pleased with my progress when I saw him on 4/27. I start physical therapy this Thursday and I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, with PT I'll be able to go back to riding in a month? It should hopefully be possible. I have to wear the immobilization boot very seldom now which is a relief; I just have to be very aware of where I'm stepping (no uneven ground) and very careful overall. I still get quite a bit of achy pain when I rotate the ankle or am on my feet for more than a few minutes at a time, but I'm told that's all a normal part of the healing process. The weather here has been beautiful and I would love a chance to get out more, but right now I need to limit myself to short walks in the sunlight of about 5 minutes. If I push it I'm asking for a day of pain, being back in the immobilizer for that day, and a swollen ankle and foot. However, I have been trying to spend at least 15 minutes a day in the sunlight in one way or another. It's supposed to help with the blues and be good for the soul right?

Dave and I are now more or less officially separated. He started feeling better, I progressively started feeling worse. I have a lot of frustrations that have built up over the years and when we took time apart, I think it gave me some space to think over everything, and now, I'm just stuck. I don't know what I want anymore. I do know that I'm SO TIRED of always saying "I don't know" because it seems to be the answer in my head to everything I'm asked. Two days ago I moved into a friends place for about a month, probably 6 weeks at most. It's a decision that I made, and Dave accepted the best he could, as I feel I'm not going to be able to figure this out without additional space and time to think. He and I are still 'dating' while I'm in this location. We have plans to see a movie tomorrow and we'll be going to an SCA Event together this upcoming weekend. We both started seeing a marriage counsellor who is currently meeting with us separately. She feels that for right now until we each work through some of our individual problems its the best idea. She advised me this last week to stop trying to rush myself. I'm so desperate to have the right answer that I'm causing myself anxiety attacks and constant stress. So, my new focus for at least the next couple of weeks is to concentrate on one day at a time; to not let anyone push me into making a quick decision, to not try and force myself to come up with all of the answers.

Each day I feel a bit different. Today is another self-hatred day of feeling like I'm just not trying hard enough; that if I was a good person, a good wife, I wouldn't ever consider the possibility of divorce. Yet here I am, on a fence, looking both ways and having no idea which side I'm supposed to land on. The constant turmoil is enough to drive a person insane. How do people know? How do people actually make decisions like this? Right now I'm stuck with feeling it's not possible to make a decision and I'll be in limbo land forever.

Torn

I feel like my emotions have gone completely haywire. I know there are a lot of reasons for it. Let's make a list.. shall we? Sure, lists are sometimes good - besides, it lets me vent:

I'm PMSing
I'm temporarily crippled and housebound
I'm missing Boston and my friends
I'm going through Gulf War withdrawls
I want to be closer to my Fayne Family as I always want to be this time of year
I'm missing what started to be a great friendship that I can't continue
I'm on pain meds that leave me tired and groggy
I'm missing my horse and being able to ride
I *know* that it's going to be months before I can ride again and it kills me
I'm feeling sorry for myself and it pisses me off
I have a husband sleeping in a separate bedroom
I miss my nephew who's way to far away from me
I miss my blood family who are all in the Arizona and Seattle area
I'm in pain even with the meds because I don't want to take them that often
I'm not currently working which makes me worry
Dave is still out of good work and is incredibly stressed and depressed
I haven't been able to take a shower in 5 days and its disgusting! Wipe down baths just don't do it people
I'm overwhelmed ........ gods I'm just so overwhelmed


We had the boys for a night this weekend which was good. It brought a change in the routine. A friend of ours invited us over for dinner and for the boys to go swimming in her pool. She and her husband took care of me and babied me which gave Dave a good break from it; plus the kids had a really great time in her pool. We have a pool at our complex but this made it so we could have a couple of drinks, relax, and hang out with our friends without the noise of neighbors and the need to sit out publicly with the community.

An update on my injury...

An update ......

First, thank you everyone for your well wishes. I really appreciate it. It's going to be a long road of recovery and I'm not looking too forward to it. I've been basically bedridden for only 3 days and I feel like I'm ready to jump out of my skin already.

I saw the orthopedic surgeon today and absolutely hated him. If anyone is ever down in the Clearwater, FL area and someone refers you to a Dr. Morris for ortho surgery, request someone else! Overall I believe he did what was needed, but I'm going to speak with a friend of mine about getting a second opinion.

Overall information first and then I'll tell you about the doctors appointment and why the Doctor pissed me off so bad:

1) Rebel (horse) is doing pretty good. His front left knee is pretty swollen and he has a few scrapes, but he came out of the accident fairly well. Thank god. I'd be even more of a wreck if anything had happened to him.

2) It will be at minimum 2 months before I have the view from the back of a horse again. (yes, of course it was one of my first questions). For those who have ridden, you know that the majority of your strength from riding comes from your legs. Not only do your muscles need to be in good shape, but your joints as well as your ankles and knees are bent at specific angles and rotated for various control.

3) As of today, I do not need surgery. WOOHOO! I'll have a recheck in 2 weeks and the final determination will be made at that time. If I need surgery anywhere, it's likely going to be my knee. My knee has more damage to it than initially thought.

4) My ankle is now stabilized in a cushion surrounded by steel boot. While it's heavy and a pain to hobble around in, it's also great! Between the cushion and the steel, my ankle is completely immobilized. This includes when I put some pressure on the foot, which is allowing me to place my foot down while using the crutches. I have a much greater amount of stability and a lot less pain due to the very limited / no motion of the foot any longer. Yay for that!

Ok, so why this Doctor is a complete loser. I got to my appointment and got back to the exam room no problem. The nurses were all great and very patient with me, given that I move very slow on the crutches. After about 5 minutes in the room I hear a deeper voiced gentleman talking on the phone outside the room and I 'jokingly' said to Dave, that must be my Doctor. I was actually pretty happy with the fact because I figured it'd be a couple minutes more and then he'd be in the room with me .. woohoo! No no no. His phone conversation lasted about another 15 minutes, and this 15 minute conversation wasn't all medical. It started that way, but then it turned into a very chatty, visiting with a friend type of conversation. Ok ... so I'm starting to get annoyed.

Finally, he gets off the phone and I'm thinking 'Thank God, he's coming.. ". NOPE! He stood around in the hall, right outside the door of the exam room, chit chatting with the nurses and other Doctors for another 15-20 minutes. About skiing, and steak, and this amazing shrimp he had that tasted so good it was like lobster with every bite and how his two favorite hobbies were skiing and eating!!!!!!! .. On and on and on!!!!!!!! I would've left if my injury wasn't so severe and I thought I could quickly see someone else. However, I knew both of those things would take more time so I decided to suck it up.

So, after 30-40 minutes of listening to his chitchat, he comes into the room and introduces himself and asks me to get up onto the table. (I had taken a seat in the chair as the nurse suggested due to my inability to get onto the table). I looked at him with kind of a blank stare for a moment and explained that I couldn't put any weight on the foot/leg and so I couldn't get onto the table. He looked at Dave and then me and said you've got this man here with you, I'm sure you can manage it okay, said he'd be right back, and left. Ooooooook....... so, with Dave's assistance, I did get up onto the flat table with very little problem. Ok, he was right about that, no biggie. He comes back in and asks me to turn around on the table so I'm facing the other way. (my leg was on the far side of him, silly error on my part) As I start to swing around he grabs ahold of my bad ankle to try and assist me and I froze. I calmly explained that him holding onto my ankle hurts ... he continues to try and help me turn while holding my ankle ... I explain again to *PLEASE* let go of my ankle because it hurts and I'll shift around. He dense brain finally understands and I turn and lay down facing the other direction. At this point as I'm sure you all can understand, I'm concerned and worried. Mr Morris (since I don't even feel he deserves to be called Doctor anymore) seems very distracted and hurried, BUT I think to myself, the exam will be over soon, so I can make it through this and go from there.

I explain to Mister Morris my accident, what happened, and the type of pain I've been in. He starts by trying to lay my leg flat. I explain I can't do that because my heel will be pressing down on the table and pressure on the heel hurts too. He seems annoyed by this point. So he props a small pillow under my calf to make it so I can straighten at the knee completely....... and he starts to prod my knee. Ok, let me clarify that I understand that an exam of an injury hurts, it can really hurt sometimes because the Doctor is trying to figure out how severe the problem is, HOWEVER, if the Doctor is a good Doctor they tend to listen to their patient and make sure they're not going to kill them in the process. As Mr. Morris began examining my knee I instantly tensed up because it was instantly very painful, I very clearly said, that's really really hurting while gasping at the small prods he was making. He muttered in my direction, "I know I know.. I need to do the exam though.. give me a moment". He then proceeded to push HARD down on the knee. I didn't grunt, groan, gasp ... I screamed. You can ask Dave or anyone else that knows me, I pretty much don't scream, especially in a Doctors office as it'd be embarassing, but it hurt just that bad. I screamed and instantly burst into tears and begged him, "please.. please please stop ... you're hurting me so bad". Low and behold that did get through to him and he stopped and moved onto my ankle. Thankfully he only did small rotations and softer prodding in that area to get his 'exam' done.

He ordered a few more xrays, left the room, and I turned to Dave who looked ready to go after the guy and tear his head off and said, "He might as well have thrown the damn horse on me again with how badly he just hurt me."

The new xrays were also negative and that was pretty much the end of the traumatizing experience. His kind and gentle nurses took care of the rest thank God. They scheduled me for a 2 week followup (which won't be kept) and I was on my way in my new, heavy, clunky, but comfortable steel boot.

Anyhow, I'll be writing a letter to the Doctor who referred me to him, because I think that Dr (who was very kind) should know what an idiot this guy is and I'll also be finding out if there's a clinic manager that I can write to at the location Mr. Morris works at. Mr. Morris who's at least 70 years old and should have retired 45 years ago based on what I saw of his care today.

Thanks again for your support everyone ... I'll keep you all update to date!

Horseback Riding Accident

So... I thought it would be a good idea to write about the accident here and then post it on my Facebook as well as my standard blog. I've had a few questions and know there will be more, so this is an excellent way to answer everyone at once! :)

For those who don't know, I lease a horse named Rebel. He's a beautiful stocky Paint who stands at 15'2 and weighs approximately 1200 pounds.
Rebel has some old bad habits with his gaits and so I've been working hard to teach him to canter correctly. Slow, easy, controlled, while bending. He's struggling to learn but overall doing fairly well. He has stumbled with me on him, but never come completely down on me. That all changed last night...
We had been riding for about 30 minutes, he was nice and warmed up, and I took him into the round pen as it helps keep him well in control and forces somewhat of a bend. We picked up the canter, he was doing so *great*, but then broke his stride into a fast trot. I squeezed with my legs to push him back into the canter and when he went to pick it up, he stumbled ... didn't regain his balance ... and went all the way down.

I felt him falling, kicked my feet free and hit the ground with my hands and forearms first, catching myself; and for a millisecond thought I was okay, until I felt his body come down on top of my left leg. They say to judge your pain on a scale of 0-10, this was by far a 10 on the pain scale and I screamed louder than I probably ever have.

Next door to the stables I ride at is a mental institute and one of the men who work there was outside taking a break and saw most of it happen. He scaled their 12 foot chainlink fence (landing in a pile of horse poo on the other side I might add) and was almost instantly at my side. Total sweetheart. He had a friend call 911, and by that time the barn manager and several others were by my side as well.

..............and... I apologize but I'm going to have to finish working on this later due to my mixture of codeine and tylenol having knocked me out again. I can't keep my eyes open. Write more later....

So... funny thing... I had to re-read everything I typed earlier due to the meds because I couldn't really remember any of it.

Anyhow, the firetruck paramedics got to the stables first. After checking my head, neck, back, and hips and being assured everything was alright in those areas they went to my foot. Sadly I was sobbing and begging to just pass out the whole time. I just wanted the pain to stop. One of the paramedics was so extra kind, he kneeled down next to me and started to talk gently to me, asking me random misc questions and asking me to breathe his speed (I was hyperventilating). I appreciated him so much. He's also the one who held my hands and let me scream practically directly into his face while they unzipped my riding boot and pulled it off.

About 10 minutes in the ambulance got there and they loaded me up onto a stretcher and into the back of the ambulance. Again, the paramedics were wonderful. They were very sympathetic to the amount of pain I was in and quickly got an IV started. Oh, before they loaded me into the ambulance they had to stabilize my foot/ankle with a pillow and ace bandage and that's when I first realized the deformed angle my foot was laying at. Despite my begging for them to not touch it and leave it alone, they had to stabilize it and gently talked me through the process. I've felt pain before people, all kinds of pain. Multiple surgery recoveries, broken bones, labor, etc .. this pain I can pretty easily say topped them all.

Once the IV was started they administered my first pain meds and I could've kissed them all in gratitude. Within about 60 seconds my pain of a crying whimpering 10 went down to a breathing easy 2.

We arrived at the hospital and about everything went standard from there. The male paramedics handed me over to the female nurses at the hospital and disappeared fairly quickly. The nurses I had were excellent too. They kept a steady dose of morphine going that had me very loopy and not very aware of anything going on around me. The Dr came into see me and ordered the xrays, he said that he was fairly certain it was either broken or dislocated due to the angle of the foot which at this point was hugely swollen.

It was during his exam that we realized that my knee was also fairly badly injured. I hadn't felt any pain there as of yet, but when he was examining me and pushed down on my knee, I just about shot into the ceiling panels. Ouch! So... xrays ordered for the knee too.

As a surprise to us both. The xray came back with no breaks and no dislocations. The bad news that goes with that is that the injury is worse than either of those and will take longer to heal. As the Dr stated, I have a severe amount of muscle, tissue, and ligament damage. That damage is why my ankle/foot was hanging at such a gross angle; ya see, most of the tissue that holds it in place is torn up. Same diagnosis for the knee, though not quite to the same severity. Additionally, my knee is having some pretty severe sharp pains which may indicate something else is wrong.

The Dr in the ER referred me to a Orthopedic surgeon that I'll be seeing this Thursday at 8:30am. My guess is that he'll be doing an MRI to determine the extent of the damage and we'll go from there.

Until further notice I'm pretty much bedridden. I'm taking codeine with tylenol and will be taking Ultram (? - I think) once we get it from the pharmacy today. The foot and knee need to be above my heart level so being on my back in bed is about the only fix. Thank goodness for laptops.

Anyhow, I'll keep everyone posted on how things go and what the verdict is after my appointment on Thursday.

Thursday Thunk by the Thunkers

It's something to do to pass the time ... it works ...

1. What is your favorite type of soda (if you drink soda)? Diet Coke when I drink it. I don't do soda very often.

2. Do you believe in astrology? If so, what does your sign say about you? To a point. I'm a Gemini which is often considered the "twins" sign. It fits me well. I'm one person but feel like two fairly often in my life and mind. I'm also incredibly indecisive all the time.

3. Who is John Galt? I have absolutely no idea. I could google it, but I'm not. :)

4. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night? Depends on the night. Read, snuggle, take my meds.

5. Who's your Daddy? Uhm.. well. Technically he's the dude that was the owner of the little spermy that went after my Mommy's egg and created me. :) His first name was David. The majority of his life was lived well loving me and his family. RIP Dad.

6. Jelly beans or Jelly Bellies? OOooh either or please!

7. What do you think about yellow cars? Why car manufacturers actually made yellow cars? They're not for me, but I suppose manufacturers make them cause some peeps like them.

8. Holding on or Letting go? Right now, I can't really answer this question completely. I'm trying to hold on though.

9. What kind of underwear, if any, do you wear? Bikini cut

10. Who is your daddy and what does he do? Uhm. Didn't we already go there? I don't know what he does - it all depends on what was waiting for him in the afterlife.

11. Spring - is it here yet? Sure is! I'm in Florida.

12. Does Google Streetview scare you? No. I find it kind of handy.

13. What is your favorite brand of ice cream? Skinny Cow

14. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Chocolate and Vanilla together

15. Do you ever get tired of your everyday routine? All the time.

16. What inspires you? My friends and my family.

17. It’s springtime-do you spend more time outdoors? Yep.

18. When do you think Bud will let us see the DVD of him and the french twins? HA! I actually know what this question is referring to. Probably never.

19. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you, and why? There are multiple places. Arizona - where my Mom, Sis, and nephew are. Seattle - where my other Sis and Brother are. Arkansas - where most of my Fayne family is located.

20. Why do you blog? Fun, journalling, the need to vent, etc.

21. What are electrolytes and why are they good for us? You're kidding right? I'm so not trying to go there.

22. Do you twitter? Why or why not? Nope. My twitter is broken.

23. What did you dream last night? I don't remember.

24. What is the strangest thing you've eaten? Hmm.. I've had snails. That's pretty weird. They were really REALLY good, buttery, and garlicky. I also love sushi so most types of raw seafood I've tried.

25. What was the last picture that you took? Pictures from Gulf Wars. Not sure what the last one was of.

26. What is your favorite part of spring? Fresh flowers. The smell of the earth after it's a long rain. Sunny days that have a light breeze so they're not too hot.

27. what is one thing that you did this past week that no one knows about? Well, someone would know about it if I wrote it here. :) Although I honestly can't think of anything I've done that no one knows about.

28. What kind of bandages do you typically have in your household? All types. My hubby is a SCA Fighter.

Direction

I feel like I'm standing in the center. The center of my life perhaps? I don't really know. I don't know a lot right now. I feel lost, empty, and devoid of emotion. How is that possible? How do you feel completely lost and stuck and so empty at the same time. I need something to make sense.
North, South, East, West. In my head they're all representing a different direction I could go right now. Oh yes, and let's not forget Northwest, Northeast, Southwest, Southeast. Longitude and Latitude. 5 degrees or 165 degrees. *sigh*
I need a compass. I need something to show me the right way to move.
I think I should feel fear -- fear of setting out and having it be the wrong way. Yet, I don't feel even fear right now. These last few days I've felt content with taking a seat in this emptiness and not moving anywhere.
If I start to move without a compass I could start moving North and not even know I'm going South.
The sky is dark, there are no stars to guide me. No moon. No sun. No compass.

I have no answers right now. I'm sorry. Please don't enter my darkness, my emptiness, having another soul present won't help. I need a compass. I need the stars. I need the sun and the moon. I need my mind to open itself again.

Friday Fill-In #115

And...here we go!

1. When I look to the left, I see my husband.

2. The livingroom is the room that has the best view in my home.

3. Let it work until it's finished.

4. Handmade snoods done dirt cheap!

5. Maturity is a responsibility that all qualified citizens must share.

6. If you have any chocolate feel free share some!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sleep, tomorrow my plans include making a 12 hour drive to Mississipi and Sunday, I want to celebrate with my SCA family!

I had a nose stuck in my ear ...

... okay, it sounded like a good title and it gave me an excuse to write. A moment ago Dave went to kiss my cheek, I tilted my head, and his nose stuck right into my ear hard. It was funny in a random sort of way.

Monday I did some pottery painting, tomorrow I'm doing some sewing and Dave is doing some armor making. Last Sunday I did archery (super fun!) and helped with the "feast", which is essentially a potluck but with all the recipes being "period". Things are generally made from the 1500 or 1600's.

Fun fact, you can't use tomatoes when cooking for feast, because it was believed they were poisonous. Quote from a website, "Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous." It wasn't the tomatoes silly people! .. but they didn't know that. Credit to: http://historymedren.about.com/od/dailylifesociety/a/bod_tomatoes.htm

This Saturday we leave for our week and a half vacation. No internet for us during that time because we'll be CAMPING!!!!!!!!!!! Woot!!! .. Not just camping. We'll be camping with 3k - 4k people. :) This is an SCA event in itself that takes place in Mississipi. If you feel like learning about it, you can go to: http://www.gulfwars.org/ As long as you don't mind roughing it, it's a freaking blast.

It's super late and unforunately I have 2 more days of work before vaca. Bleh. Off to bed with me!

Stuff

Although I'm still not really in the mood to write. I'm in enough of a mood that I feel like I can write somewhat. Who knows, maybe writing tonight will get my writing juices flowing again!

Life has been hard and it's been difficult to stay upbeat at times. Dave and I took the liberty of doing a couple of activites in January, his birthday and my horse show, and we're paying for it by not having any funds. Today I went to a Doctors appointment and had to ask for samples as I cannot afford to pay even a $10 copay. The Doctor I saw was wonderful, I plan in to send a great review about him; he set me up with a couple samples and then looked through his computer system to switch my prescription to a slightly cheaper version that I can get at the Walmart pharmacy. We have to wait and see if it works okay for me; my fingers are crossed.

I see my psychiatrist next week and I'm crossing fingers and hoping for the same thing. My copay for my most important medication, Depakote, is $40. $40! Right now, that's a huge amount of money to us. The problem is that while we've switched me off of Depakote in the past (for other reasons) it turned out to be a very bad switch. I'm not sure what we're going to have to do in this situation. I'm not a big fan of this physician or the office so I'm not even sure if she'll put forth the effort to help.

Dave continues to hunt for a job. Constantly. No matter how many resumes he sends out, there's little to no response. It doesn't matter if it's for Customer Service, Help Desk, or a Manager's position.

I *AM* grateful that we are still making it. I *AM* grateful that when it comes down to paying bills, somehow there's always just enough to make it. I *AM grateful that so far, I've not had to give up Rebel. I feel like that dear horse is one of the only things that keeps me sane half the time.

I still ride Rebel several days a week, but we won't be doing any more shows. Not unless Dave happens to land a job at some point in the next couple of months. The show season ends in April/May due to the heat in Florida. My hope is that by the time the show season starts up again (October/November) we'll be in a position to attend every monthly show.

Blah

I have been so crappy about writing. I don't feel like writing now, so I'm just making a short entry to say, I need to write, I should write, but alas ... I still don't feel like it.

Things I should write about:
January 23rd - Dave's birthday, I took him deep sea fishing.
January 25th - My first competition with Rebel, I got 2 third place ribbons.

I have some great pics of both events. I have good stories from both events.

I need to post the pics and write. I will soon.

Friday Fill-ins Meme #106

Bold is what I was given to start with. The writing that is not in bold is what I wrote.

1. It's January; and it's 75 degrees outside. Culture shock!!!

2. Cuddles is what I crave most right now. I'm super cuddly when I don't feel well.

3. Cork and wine go together like cannolis and cream.

4. Water is so nourishing. I hate drinking it without some kind of non-calorie flavor though.

5. Let us dare to be bare! Being naked rocks!

6. I'm still getting used to this new place that is now called my home.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to seeing Rebel, tomorrow my plans include spending some time with the boys and then going to an event in the evening, and Sunday, I want to grocery shop and then relax! Lazy day!

Feeling halfway normal

This horrible flu I've had seems to finally be letting up. There were a few days that I felt like I was practically on deaths door. Twice during the last week I felt some slight fear when Dave had to go to work and I was home alone. Between, exhaustion, dizziness, the inability to eat or drink for several hours at a time - I was honestly slightly concerned. I kept my cellphone close by for emergency each time I moved (even to go to the bathroom) and it all worked out in the end. I still need to take at least one nap during the day, but for the most part, the bone weary dead exhaustion seems to have left. I'm still waiting on my labs, which were drawn on Tuesday, and supposed to be rushed. (?!?!!?!?!) Perhaps I don't understand how it works, but it doesn't seem like a rush to me. I'll probably try to call the Dr's office again today to see if there's any update.

I plan to go out and see Rebel tonight for the first time in 8 days, I'm super excited. I probably won't ride, or if I do it'll be very limited. I don't want to push it. I'm just excited to see his big hairy furry soft self and snuggle into his neck. :)

I've decided that I need to start posting more pictures on my blog. I've gotten a bit of feedback in this regard. I'd also like to find a way to have more blogger friends. Currently I don't have anyone that I really share comments with or visit regularly. I also don't know if someone visits my blog regularly. If there's someone out there and you come here often --- shoot me a comment and let me know! I'd love to know that I have a follower! :)

Drumming

I've been sleeping a lot recently, mostly because I seem to have some kind of severe flu. The last two days I've slept about 16-18 hours out of a 24 hour day. Dreadful. I did see a Dr today that ran a bunch of blood tests - hopefully this is just the flu, but if not, we'll at least be able to address it quickly. I don't think it's anything major.

Anyways.. onto drumming.. tonight, as Dave and I were falling asleep very early (around 8pm) my mind was wandering a bit and sleep was hard to come by even though I felt exhausted. Then, I started hearing this noise, it sounded like, drumming ... what the? Dave was partially still awake and I said, "is that drums?", I received a very insightful, "ughhh, nuu.. hmm.. yuuuh, thik so". I listened awhile longer and was delighted to realize, yes! .. it was drumming! Not someone with a drum set drumming, but a few people drumming with singular (dumbek) drums and to a rythme that was obvoiusly drum circle drumming! I have a lot of friends on here that are in the SCA that know exactly what I'm referring to, and several other friends that probably have a good idea as well. I don't know where they came from, where they were, or why they were playing - but it brought a peace and happiness to my soul a few hours ago that helped me drift into a beautiful sleep. (to bad the sleep only lasted for 3 hours, lol).

Drumming automatically brings me memories of my favorite event each year, Gulf Wars. It's a week of pure happiness to me. It brings me happy memories of my SCA Family who I see so infrequently, but adore and love all the same. It brings wonderful memories of falling asleep every night to the sound of rythmic drumming.

It's difficult and somewhat impossible to explain to someone who hasn't experienced an event. I'll just say, it was a perfect few moments tonight before I drifted to sleep.

Just breathe

Breathe a sigh of relief. Breathe in the New Year. "Just Breathe", that short sentence is one that runs through my mind fairly often. It's one that's made the difference between completely losing it and making it through a few more minutes or a few more hours. A good friend told me long ago that when life is too overwhelming, it seems you have no strength left, you've hit rock bottom, or you feel it just isn't worth it anymore, to remember one thing - all you have to do is keep breathing. Just breathe. In and out.

2008 was a hard year for me, I can easily say 1000 times over that I'm glad 2008 is over. It's odd how we associate new beginnings with a new year isn't it? When it's truly just additional days added on top of each other. Yet, I'll stick with the belief that a new year brings new things. I had a lot of rough spots in 2008, my marriage had a lot of struggles, and I went through a lot of emotional and physical changes. For those who don't know me well, I hate hate hate change. I don't deal with it well.

2009 starts with me continuing on in what still feels like a new place and new life here in Florida. One of the biggest struggles I've had down here is missing my friends from Boston and longing for a close friendship. I've made several great aquantinces so far and I appreciate all of them - but good friends take a lot of time - or it takes a special link that causes a bond between two people quickly. I long for it. I cry for it. In the meantime I have had my horse, my dear Rebel to take my time and keep me busy. Horses are great, but depression has been slowly seeping back into my life and getting worse. So, I will take action and if I need to, beat the hell of out depression to make it get back into control. I'm going to continue spending time with my horse and horse friends, I'm going to setup a PCP to make sure I'm taking good care of myself, I'm going to become involved with the SCA down in Florida where I believe both Dave and I can find some like minded people. I'm not going to lounge around all day in only PJ's. I have set the goals and I'm going to continue to reach for them.

Another continued change in 2009 will be my weight. It's still coming off at an average of about 6 pounds a month, give or take a couple. I'm not sure I wrote about it, but about 3 weeks ago I dropped below 200 pounds. It was amazing. It is the first time in my adult life I've been below 200 pounds. Yet it also created some tension for a few weeks, I was SO scared that I was going to gain a couple of pounds and see the scale read 201 again. Deep down I knew even if I did, it would be a fluxuation and I'd be below 200 again; but having finally made it below and the possibility of going over again really did freak me out. I waited a couple of weeks, then weighed again. I went from 198.6 to 196.6. Whew! .. but as silly as it was, I was still tense. Well, Happy New Year to me, on 1/2/09 I weighed again and it was 194.8. I didn't know until I got on the scale that being below 195 would make me breathe a sigh of relief, but it certainly did. Being over 200 didn't seem like it would happen anymore. Now, don't get me wrong, I fully understand and believe that if I don't continue my new way of living with food, it's very possible to be over 200 again. However, I truly have the belief and determination to not let that happen. Ever, again.

It's late at night, just after midnight to be exact and I haven't been feeling to well recently. I've slept a lot today which is why I've stayed up so late. I'm unsure if I'll make it into work tomorrow to be honest, so I'm going to head to bed.

Hooray for a New Year, bring it on 2009.